He will Never Leave Me

5 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1776
Reviews 10
"How are you?" they ask, so I lie
And turn away so they won't see me cry.
I run to my room and slam the door.
The thing that comforted me is no more.
Things of this world lead to emptiness, pain...
So why do I continue to play this game?
I fall to my knees and give a shuddering sigh
And spill out everything I've been trying to hide.
The emotions, the fears, the pain, and the doubts...
I realize how much I clung, and it freaks me out!
But all of a sudden, the world begins to fade
And God draws me close to give me first aid.
My restorer, my comforter, my savior and friend,
He takes my heart, and, with his love, begins to mend.
He wraps me in his arms and drowns me in love,
Like a great, big, fatherly hug.
He whispers, "I'm with you" into my ear,
And peace begins to smother my fear.
He hasn't left me, and he never will.
When I'm thirsty, my cup he will fill.
He promised that life would be hard
Because this world, by a curse, has been scarred.
He also promised that he would always stay,
And he will never, ever walk away.




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Gender None specified
Points 1175
Reviews 10
Rhyming seems forced, choppy on some parts, you lose your formality sometimes. You should spend some quality time reading this out loud




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4961
Reviews 45
It is a little choppy at some parts I have to admit. But it was still great.
With each to parts that rhyme like this for instance.
"How are you?" they ask, so I lie
And turn away so they won't see me cry.
I run to my room and slam the door.
The thing that comforted me is no more.

you should put lié and cry in one stanza. And door and more
in another. And same for the rest of your poem. PM me for any
questions
I hope someday that someone will walk into my life and help me realize why it never worked out with him or anyone else.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 11486
Reviews 25
I love your poem! It really speaks to me and I can totally relate to it! Keep on writing! You're good at it! :D :) 8) :lol: :P :wink: :!: :mrgreen: :smt002 :smt003 :smt005 :smt039 :smt038 :smt035 :smt034 :smt031 :smt026 :smt024 :smt023 :smt020 :smt016 :smt006
Be yourself
And no one else
dance to the beat
and loose control
Never forget who you are
Be an unforgettable shining star*




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1278
Reviews 12
I like the way you write a lot, How the rhythms so clear. but I am left wondering what it is that broke your heart in the first place, I assume it was a boy but it would be nice if it was just a little more specific. Defiantly fun to read though, my favorite line has to be the fifth up from the bottom and the relationship with god is quite inspiring. :D
"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."
-Plato



If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven - and very, very few persons.
— James Thurber