Erasure

I liked to lie on your bed
and just be
If I lie on my own bed and be
I am just being
alone.

But no, no more of this
love will not be a taboo subject
take away the memories
I’ll forget every hug, every kiss

every dance, every wide-eyed smile
will be from another life
forget me for a while
until everything has washed over

the sand, the shores and
white spray and salty foam
has cleansed and wiped away
every minute I spent with you,
every dusty, dying day.

holy moly, this is good quality stuff. It flows so nicely, kind of just rolls off your tongue. Yummy.

I liked to lie on your bed
and just be
If I lie on my own bed and be
I am just being
alone.

I LOVE this stanza, it's so...well..true! I liked how when i read it the first time it confused me..then it just went *ping* and made so much sense. The last stanza is beautiful too.

Really good job, i like it lots and lots XD

Wow... I like the idea behind this alot. The opening really caught my attention and I loved the second stanza. You did a wonderful job of capturing the thoughts in this situation it felt very real to me. Great job.

I loved this it flowed well

I really liked this, you dealt with feelings and emotions that people often try too hard to describe, but you kept imagery and descriptions short and sweet which really worked. I got a feeling of loss, but acceptance of that loss, which is really a beautiful feeling

There is a pleasing nature to much of this. One senses a listening to the nature of the sounds produced. Possible this became the primary virtue?

However the figures of you and your lover lack the three dimensional. It remains in the plane of abstraction as posted. You need imagery, metaphor -- without these, you have chopped up prose.

The ending alas is unprepared for.

Best of Luck.

Welllll.. This was too good for words to be honest. It made me feel all groovy inside and also a bit bleh, 'cause at the moment in time, I'm not up to this quality.

Kepp working Matt, you have my Ginger love.

Wow. I'd try to say something constructive, but I'm too amazed and frankly I think this is perfect. I loved the ending, especially the last line. It sounded really musical because of the alliteration. This flowed beautifully. I just think it's wonderful in and of itself.

confused emotions, bitterness or..er..? Very moving but it sounds like your ripping up your shirt because the first stanza has a sweet scent but as it rolls on...I don't know. But great work! Brilliant once more!