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I'm studying saints. And this is what I came up with. Almost flash fiction. Tell me what you think.


_



The confetti was like a the Universe, vomited all over the kitchen floor. I was sitting on the dining room table, my legs dangling contentedly off the edge. I thought about me. I thought that I was good. And that it was good that I was here. Just simply, veritably, sweetly good.

“Smile for me, baby,” I heard her say. “My baby,” she had said, and then she had pulled me into her arms and her head on my shoulder had been like a transport to the center of the sun, where no one is ever cold, but somehow they don’t die in the fire.

I wondered about myself. The shape of my eyes, the way my fingers twitched when I was excited, the color of my skin in the summer sun.

“Like snow,” he had said. “And your eyes like summer -- like sunflowers.” And then he had sat down next to me, and I had rested my head on his shoulder as he drew sunflowers on my hands, and the movie ended in my dreams.

You did it, I told myself. You were you, and you let them be them, and nothing bad could touch you when you were close to Him.

“Christ,” I said into the still air, and I felt the confetti stir under my bare feet. “Christ, please make me like you.”

And then there was a clap of thunder, and rain began to crash down outside.
"Men invent new ideals because they dare not attempt old ideals. They look forward with enthusiasm, because they are afraid to look back."




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This was interesting. Rather confusing, too. The first part reminded me of a birthday, and then when the MC notices things, I realized it was a baby, learning about the world. And then you brought all of the Christ stuff and completely lost me. You might want to make it clear instead of jumping from one topic [the woman] to another. It's rather short so I can't find much wrong with it. It was nice; I could almost see what she saw [all teh color, warmth and everything. Nicely done.].
Hope this helped. Ofir
"if you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." - Captain Jack Sparrow




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It's lovely.

There's something in the end that seems more ambiguous than the beginning and mid-bit. Is the time still baby-time, or is it nebulous - in and out of present? not even within at all, but outside? The voice seems older at the end. Perhaps. Using "Christ" maybe sets it out so.

But then, I don't know. Brevity and all that - it's very small and very specific. It's also very beautiful.

Oy, I love the description of being held. It nearly feels like what it says.






IMP
ex umbris et imaginibus in veritatem

"There is adventure in simply being among those we love, and among the things we love -- and beauty, too."
-Lloyd Alexander



Who, being loved, is poor?
— Oscar Wilde