Our Nature

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I seek to understand Humanity
Perplexed am I to the facets of our Nature
Often do I reflect on our Confliction

Our Doubt of chance
Our Emulation of fault
Our Brevity of success

Do we seek to render life a mere instance?
Do we contend to entail death as a boundary?
Do we revert to contemptuousness beyond veneration?

We that are many
We that are few
We that are one

Does not the splendor of existence take precedence?
Does not the wonder of reality create restlessness?
Does not the trivial of self entail introspection?

For all that we are
We can become all
We can become anything
We can become everything

All we need do is look beyond
All we need do is look around
All we need do is look within

So often do I seek to understand this Nature

This wondrous Nature of Humanity
Ridentem dicere verum quid vetat
"What prevents me from speaking the truth with a smile?"
-Horace(Satires)

“Stop talking about what the good person should be, and just be that person.”
-Marcus Aurelius




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Hi Traveller,

Well this poem here seems to be a bundle of tedious repetition and words you appear to have looked up in the dictionary. And really using large words everywhere does nothing in your favour.

I seek to understand Humanity
Perplexed am I to the facets of our Nature
Often do I reflect on our Confliction


First thing, why the capitalization of humanity, nature and confliction (also confliction isn't a word last time I checked)? If this was done on purpose, get rid of it because it does nothing for your poem.

Does not the splendor of existence take precedence?
Does not the wonder of reality create restlessness?
Does not the trivial of self entail introspection?


By this point the repetition is flat and heavy on your flow. Then there is this. What are you talking about? This is so vague and you've already lost the attention of the readers, this just down right confuses them. Also, I have a distaste for rhetorical questions in poetry. It makes the reader pause one second too long to think about the question you ask that doesn't need an answer. So you're disturbing your own flow without a point.

If you want to get your reader thinking, mingle these questions into the poem, but not as straightforward. You want the reader to immerse themselves in your poem, read through it with stopping to think. Then when they're done, they emerge with questions, possibly getting them to reread your poem for an answer.

All we need do is look beyond
All we need do is look around
All we need do is look within


The repetition is too heavy here. You've used repetition to it's extremities in this poem. I suggest being more moderate in its use. Repetition has to be used very carefully in poetry, people use it because it creates a flow. It actually does not. You're just repeating the words again and again, of course they'll sound okay together, but you aren't expanding any ability in poetry, as well as the unimaginative state it creates, couldn't you think of something else to say?

I see that you have potential, put a little more thought into what you write and you'll improve tenfolds.

Work on it you'll get there. Good luck.

Kamas
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." ~ Charles Chaplin

#tnt




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Kamas, you've stolen everything there's to say >:0

I agree with Kamas about it being too repetitive. As I myself learned, long verses are pretty much counter-productive. Your poem does not carry any feel of emotion or the "wish to know" that you're trying to describe. It's heavy, it really is.

Looking forward if you're going to edit it or see your next poem. Failures are our stones to the success as long as you keep trying!
~Don't beg for things, do it yourself or else you'll never get anything~
-Formerly Shinda



He who knows only his own generation remains forever a child.
— Cicero