This is a parody of the death of cookie monster, and the polices report on it. In no way is any of this true or does it represent Sesame Street in any way shape or form. This entire story written by a friend and myself, through IM messages where we took turns with the next paragraph. I hope you enjoy it and laugh a little. I ask that you critique it, even though it was just meant to be funny. Any questions just pm me
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We are gathered here today in memory of the cookie monster. Yes, the cookie monster. He died because Sesame Street forced him to eat vegetables instead of his beloved cookies, and he committed suicide from depression.
His lover [big bird] stated before his tragic death that " I never saw it coming. He was always so congenial, but the moment he didn't have a cookie things just turned ugly..."
Oscar the grouch recounts "all of a sudden all these carrots and celery sticks ended up in the trash. That’s when I got suspicious that the therapy wasn’t going as planned."
Count Cholula [being allergic to sunlight and "all of those fags walking around with the red fluffy one"], told police that he had been sleeping in his coffin during the time of the suicide. we are still checking into his powers of persuasion, and possible reasons to try and kill CM, but there are reports of a shady deal in which a new kind of cereal [Munster COOKIES] was going to be mass produced.
Bert and Ernie (after their honeymoon in Cancun) say "we're so confused as to why cookie-kins would do this. He was so happy whenever we invited him over to play with rubber ducky in the bathtub."
Elmo of course Denys everything, including big birds bloody massacre in the meat grinder. He said they have no proof [and to think of the children. Shut the fuck up and stick another dude in a yellow bird suit before I go crazy shit on your ass. This is my town niggas so we follow MY rules! yall dig?], and that his friend would turn up eventually. He rambled on further but after awhile we tried to get him back on subject but he seems to have forgotten the reason we came in the first place so we left. On our way of course we decided to check the meat grinder as we had interviewed BB only hours earlier. We found it exactly as described above, and then opened another case up against Sesame Street. We did find traces of red fuzz at the scene, but the files are reported missing as well as the body. We have [been decided by Sesame Street] to close the case.
Grover had this to say "I don't have any crack I swear! Or weed, LSD, angel dust, heroin, or oxy for that matter. Just so you know. *twitch twitch twitch* and I defiantly didn't sell CM anything of any kind, illegal or not, to help him with cookie withdrawal. *foams at mouth and twitches*"
[Elmo’s red haired bitch] states that she would like us to pay her and she would show us something very nice and fuzzy. We declined and she walked away pissed off. Soon we heard screaming and thumping from Elmo's personal suite. We called and he said he was fine though, and to "mind our own damn business", and muffled deep grunting noises in the background but didn’t have a warrant to go and search so we let it go.
We conclude that we may never know what really happened to cookie monster. at least that's what we're being told to do. It’s amazing that sesame street’s lawyers had time to restrict this report, what with them to being so busy with the molestation, rape, and child porn claims they've been dealing with lately. All we know is that cookie monster will always be remembered in the hearts (or at least the acid trips) of the various friends and crack whores of sesame street.
Brilliant! 
