Music

Music.
It's what helps me escape.
The screams and yells 
Vibrating off my walls
Penetrating my mind
Destroying my youthful thoughts and encouraging suicide.

Music.
It helps me escape.
The lies, the truth, the pain.
Making my thoughts dark
Turning my world black.
Twisting my dreams into useless hopes.

Music.
It puts into words what I cannot.
Helping me cope
Letting me be
Setting me free.
Will it always be thus way?

Music.
It's selfexplanatory.
It's a novel put together with a beat and instruments.
Teaching a lesson,
Telling a story.
Telling my story.


I know the ending sucks so if you guys have any ideas for me to finish it off leave a review or PM me. I'll pick the ones I think are the best(and critiques) and put it at the end. Have fun.!!

I liked your poem and I thought it had good rythym. I do have one suggestion thought

Will it always be thus way?

I think you should change this line to Will it always be this way?
Have a nice day pm me if you have any questions.
Fiction

Your poem is awesome.
You share my passion for music. I could relate to every line. Sometimes music is the only escape. Its like a refuge you captured perfectly in your poem. Do not change a word. Well done.

p.s thanks for commenting on my poem!! It was much appreciated

This is a great piece, I have to say. Music can be pretty powerful to a lot of people (myself included), and you captured that perfectly.

As for something that bugs me, it's the end of the first stanza. The last line is a little too long, but there's something else about it. Compared to everything else, bringing up suicide at that point is pretty abupt and is far more powerful compared to the rest of the stanza. I think that the music has to be ridiculously strong to affect that, and the rest of the lines seem like reasonable impacts from a lot of music, but suicide unbalances the entire stanza.

Also, I don't know exactly what, but maybe make a longer last line. What you have would be better if all the stanza-ending-lines were short, but it sort of breaks the pattern.

This was a great piece, nonetheless. I read it through once, and I immediately thought of one song. I listened to that song while reading this piece again, and it really made it all the better; Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBszC40uvdQ)

Keep up the good work, and have a lucky day!

Hey,
I really like this poem!! I wrote a poem dedicated to music just the other night. Its fairly different though but i understand how music can make one feel. Ill have to post it and you can have a look... If you want to of course...
The only thing I can really find wrong about it is the punctuation in some places
eg "It helps me escape.
The lies, the truth, the pain"

Does music help you escape lies, truth and pain? Or is music lies, truth and pain?

Also, i dont like the repetition of
"It helps me escape"

I think the second stanza should be changed to something different, but i cant figure what to though.

Overall a nice poem

Up the Queens!! (of the Stone Age)

Matt

HI! I really liked this poem, it showed lots of emotion, but not outwardly. Make sure you take everyone else's nitpicks, and then this will be awesome! It's a nice change from all the poems that are usually posted here. Great job overall!


--Dreamy115

I couldn't have said it any better myself. Not at all. Nada.












Cheez_Burger!