My guardian dog 3 (Edited!) OLD

10 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 30301
Reviews 770
Chapter 3

“. . . She know?”
“Not . . . holding off . . .”
“Will . . . Okay?”
“Yes. Look!”


I woke to a wet face and an insistent buzzing sound. Afraid I had somehow busted my eardrums and was only hearing the inside of my head, I peeled open my eyes. I immediately realised why my face was wet; Riley was licking it and whining. I groaned and heaved myself to a sitting position, leaning against the rack-from-hell that had almost blinded me. Riley barked at me, ran out of the room, barked again and came back at a dead run. I realised the sound I was hearing was actually the doorbell and I groaned louder this time. How long had I been out? I tentatively pressed a hand to the side of my head and I hissed in pain. My hand came away with a lot of blood.

I struggled to get to my knees, then my feet. It wasn’t easy; the room was spinning around me, faster and faster. Riley came back and leaned his body against me, trying to support me, I assumed. I spotted the bag full of clean rags and I snatched one and pressed it to my head. I staggered, righted myself with the racks beside me. I was uncoordinated and frightened, a sob chocked me and my head was pounding. Riley whined louder and he looked up at me, his warm eyes full of concern.

“I’ll be okay boy, I’m . . . I need help, Riley.” He pressed himself closer to me.

I thought that maybe this was his way of helping me. Without hesitating, I reached out and grabbed a fistful of his fur with my right hand, the left one still clutching the rag. I looked down further and noticed the pool of blood. I chocked down the bile that rose from my stomach. Between clenched teeth I said, “Riley, get me out of here.”

Slowly, cautiously, he guided me out of the back store. He stopped at every step, looked up at me. I didn’t mind or usher him forward. I needed to stop. The only thing that kept me from hurling was the fear that I’d puke on his beautiful fur. I managed to look up and squint –how in the world had my glasses managed to stay on my face during the fall? - noticed it was Natalie pounding and buzzing. I motioned to her that I was coming, ever so slowly.

As I finally made it to the door, I discovered flashing lights in the parking and was startled to notice an ambulance. How long was I out? As I feebly pushed at the manual lock, finally over riding it, a beige Toyota Camry pulled up between the pumps, screeched to a stop. David jumped out, hair dishevelled, looking worried.

Natalie pulled open the door and I sank to the floor, leaning my full weight on Riley who wasn’t complaining. “Shanna, what happened?”
“I guess I needed some attention,” I replied with a weak smile. “Two days in a row, Nat, I think I’m beating a new record.”
“Shanna!” David’s voice rang out in the quiet night.
“I’m sorry David, you’re right; I should have stayed home.” I really am sorry, boss. I hadn’t wanted to bother you . . . Yet here you are.

My boss groaned and I told Natalie I had busted my head coming down the ladder. She investigated the back as two paramedics lifted me on a gurney and wheeled me to the ambulance, Riley trailing behind us. He hopped in before the medics closed the doors and when the older of the two men tried to pull my dog out, Riley growled. The medic backed up, his hands held up.

“Riley, I’ll be okay.”
He turned to me, whined.
“I need you to protect David, boy. He shouldn’t be here and he’s not used to working this shift.”
The dog didn’t move.
“Please?” I whispered, my voice growing weaker.
Riley left the ambulance, but not before glancing at me one last time.
* * *

I was lucky; I only needed four more stitches. Fortunately, they didn’t have to shave my head; the stitches were right under my left temple. Unfortunately, they were really visible.

Needless to mention my parents almost had a heart attack when I called them from the hospital for the second time this week. Nevertheless, I was back at work on Sunday night. As I parked my parents’ Honda in its usual place in front of the store, I found Riley pacing while his owner was leaning against the stone wall, watching him. When I got out, Riley barked and ran to me, jumping all over the place in excitement.

Travis Porter chuckled.“Well, Miss Cameron, I must say Riley is mighty happy to see you. He spent all weekend fretting.”
I laughed at the mental picture. “How did you know what happened to me?”
“Your boss told me when I retrieved Riley on Friday morning. He paced all weekend, couldn’t wait to see you.”
“Who, David?”
Mr. Porter chuckled again and Riley growled. I grew serious. “Your dog is one brave soul, Mr. Porter. He probably saved my life that night.”

Mr. Porter pulled out a cigar and lit it. He exhaled and the sweet scent of cherry filled the air, tickled my nostrils. “He made an oath to protect you Miss, and he’ll stand by it. And please, call me Travis. I’ve only told you about a million times.”
I laughed as I briefly wondered how a dog could make an oath. “Sorry, habit.” I grinned. “Please, call me Shanna.”
He tipped an imaginary hat to me and strolled toward the street, calling out, “I’ll see you in the morning. Keep safe tonight.”

I rolled my eyes. As if I needed to be told.
I opened the door for Riley who immediately turned professional. He scanned the store, nose to the ground, went to the back of the store then headed straight to the front. Feeling somewhat queasy, I made my way to the store room and was relieved to find the splash of blood was gone. I laughed out loud when I noticed that all the racks had been fitted with large chunks of protective foam on the corners. Gotta love my boss.

I noticed the fire extinguisher in the back and called out to Tina, the cashier I was replacing, “Tina? Was there a fire today?”
“No,” the pretty brunette replied. “Some idiot pulled the pin out of it and before something happened, I put it in the back.”
“Good idea,” I agreed. Idiots. Always up for the next big kick, eh?

I locked the door behind her as she left and began my work. I filled the fridges, passed the broom and prepared my mop water. I served a few customers then headed for the bathroom to clean it, testing the locked door on the way.
I cleaned the sink and toilet, a job I found revolting but needed to get done. After that was done, I mopped up the floor, cornering myself in the storage room to wait for the floor to dry. In the meantime, I cleaned, careful not to pull any of my –many- stitches.

I heard a noise and I sighed. It was probably someone pressing on the button of my intercom. I still didn’t get my people insisted on pressing that button; it did nothing in the store, just activated my intercom. Isn’t the doorbell always beside the door? Duh.

I hopped from one foot to the other in the dry areas on the floor. I didn’t look up, just concentrated on not dirtying anything. Riley stayed back for obvious reasons. If I needed him, I’d call.

I caught movement up ahead of me and my head snapped up. My eyes widened and I cried out, “Riley!”

My dog came bounding out of the store room, teeth bared, snarling. Suddenly, he stopped and that scared me more than anything. What could have scared my guard dog?
Two men were standing in front of me. One had piercing blue-eyes, was bald and very tall. The second one was equally tall but with blond hair and brown eyes. Both were dressed in black from head to toe. Both were smirking.

“How in the hell did you get in here? Get out!”
Baldy laid a hand on his heart and said, mockingly, “Why Princess Shayna, have you no manners? Shouldn’t you invite us in for tea and scones?”
“For what? Scones? I don’t know . . . Who are you and what did you call me? I said get out!”

My heart was hammering. Ironically enough, they had the ‘Shayna’ part right, although no one knew that. But Princess? Wrong girl, buster. And besides, how’d they find out about my pseudonym?

Neither of them moved, of course, but just then, Riley made himself heard. A growl escaped his throat, a sound even more menacing than the night he had Eric pinned by the throat. I looked down to my left and Riley was there, teeth bared and hackles raised.

Blondie glanced down at Riley, a look of disdain on his face. “Nice job here, Guard Dog. She’s bandaged from head to toe and still not safe from harm, is she?”

My heart skipped a beat or two. Okay, ten. What was he talking about? Get out! Get out! My mind screamed. Who? Me or them? I taunted my mind. I think it growled back at me. But maybe it was Riley again. I was losing my mind that was for damned sure!

Ignoring my stuttering heart, I purposefully took a step forward and positioned myself in front of Riley. There was no way there’d be a repeat of that night with Eric; I wasn’t putting my dog in harm’s way. I unclipped the phone from my belt. “Look, I’m telling you to get the hell out of here, now! You are not permitted to enter here and I refuse to serve you anyway, now leave! I’m calling the cops.”

How had they come in? After a quick glance I was able to ascertain that they hadn’t broken the window and the lock seemed intact. I had checked the door before going to the back, had they jimmied the lock? To rob a corner store? Truth was, they didn’t look like robbers they looked . . . Deadly.

Baldy looked amused. “You’re hiding behind a woman’s skirts now, Riley? How low have you sunk, dog?”

Riley went around me and pounced. In the blink of an eye Blondie whipped out a small black object and hit Riley with it. My dog went down with a yelp.
I noticed the object in Blondie’s hand and although I had never seen one I knew what it was; a Taser!

“Riley! Stop it! He’s just a dog, doing his job! What do you want?” I knelt beside Riley and ran my hand through his fur but he seemed only slightly stunned. Already he was shaking his head and rising.

“Just a dog? Riley, she doesn’t know, does she?” Baldy laughed out loud. “Now that’s rich.”

My heart was thumping so hard against my cage I thought it would jump out and get tasered by Blondie’s outstretched device. That’s all I needed; a third trip to the hospital.

Suddenly his words came back to mind and I stilled, “She doesn’t know, does she?” Where had I heard those words before? I searched my mind frantically. Suddenly, I recalled. When I’d knocked my head, I thought I had heard some voices while I’d been coming to. A distant part of me had thought that help had arrived but I’d woken up to find only Riley.

What did he mean by ‘I didn’t know’? What didn’t I know? I somehow managed to push Riley behind me and I stood in front of him again, facing the men. I brandished the phone as if it was a weapon. “Look, you’ve done nothing serious so far so if you leave now I won’t call the cops. Now get out and leave us alone.” I was surprised to hear my voice so steady when all of my insides were shaking badly.
“Ooh, the Princess is giving us orders, Mace.” Blondie snickered, then jabbed the taser at me. I jumped back with a yelp, dropped the phone and collided with a tall, warm body.
I screamed and whirled, unknowingly coming closer to Blondie and Baldy. There was a tall man behind me, as tall as the other two. And he was naked. I didn’t look down. Much. I could not stop the fear from creeping into my voice when I snapped, “Riley,” angry that he had let someone approach me from the back.
The man spoke, “I’m here, Shanna.”

I gaped. No way. I studied him quickly. He had thick black hair, longer than most men wore it, but it suited him. He had warm brown eyes that seemed familiar but my mind refused to consider why. His body was long and muscular –and very naked! He seemed to hesitate then turned his head to the left, as if looking out the window, but I saw his eyes turn to remain on mine. I immediately noticed the white streak of hair that spread from his ear to the back of his head. The same streak Riley had on his chest. I gasped. “Riley!”

“How touching,” one of the idiots said, mockingly.
“I don’t understand.” My stupid eyes were filling with tears.
Riley’s eyes were pleading. “Please, Shanna, trust me; I’ll explain everything later.”
Something jabbed in my back, hard. Not the taser, thankfully. “Get moving, to the back.”
I whirled. “No.”
Baldy raised a pale brow. “No?” He turned to Blondie. “Raphael, hit her.” Once again, he struck out with the taser but Riley pulled me back, shoved me behind him. I didn’t look down at his ass. Much. “She isn’t who you think,” Riley grinded out. “Let her go.”
“Nice try. It’s just us right now and there’s nothing you can do to stop us.” Baldy said.
“Back, now.” Another jab.

Riley spun around and suddenly I was staring at his chest. “Extinguisher.” I heard so softly I thought I’d imagined it. I looked up and found Riley’s eyes wide, apparently trying to convey something to me.

“I said back!” Riley flinched and I realised that he had been jabbed with a little more force this time. I immediately turned, headed for the back, slowly. Once there, no one would see what they did to us. I had to stall. What had Riley said? Extinguisher? What about it? I remembered that Tina had put one in the back, the one some idiot had pulled the pin out of. “Yes!” I whispered. But what did he have in mind? For me to take it or him? Could I use it effectively? What if I went for it at the same time as he? Would we lose our only chance? What else could I do? Just to make sure I whispered, “You or me?”
“Me,” came the murmured reply.

Fine then, I also had an idea. Praying for my hands to be steady and my palms dry, I stepped foot in the back store and hurriedly reached for the racks to my left. I snatched a huge roll of industrial toilet paper in my left hand and the bottle of bathroom cleaner in my right one. My palms were slick with sweat and I dropped the bottle just as the men entered the back. I stooped, retrieved the bottle just as Blondie jabbed at me with the Taser. I went up fast, swinging the roll, slamming his right arm against the door jamb. Blondie screamed in pain and dropped the Taser; exactly what I had wanted but it wasn’t enough. I raised my bottle and sprayed it directly into his furious eyes. His screaming doubled in intensity –where was Natalie when you needed her? – and he snatched back his arm to cover his eyes.

In the meantime, Riley had swiftly snagged the fire extinguisher and was ready for our assailants when they walked in. Seeing how I had managed to remove Blondie from doing any damage, he aimed the hose at Baldy, pulled the lever and sprayed. The force of the hit took Baldy by surprise and he jerked back, hit the wall. I knew the white foam would only hold him so long. I swooped down and snatched the Taser from the floor. I hesitated only briefly before stabbing forward almost blindly and made contact with Baldy.

Taking care of Blondie was even easier; he was still blind and screaming. We stormed out of the back but Baldy wasn’t out of service completely yet; he caught Riley by the ankle and pulled him down. Riley called out in surprised and I turned, Taser ready, but they were rolling on the floor and I wasn’t sure if I’d end up hurting Riley instead. Blondie was moaning and moving around a lot on the floor, I didn’t take a chance; I tasered him again. Finally, Riley was able to punch the lights out of Baldy who slumped to the floor. We ran.

I made it behind my counter as Riley shouted from the open door, “Shanna! What are you doing, come on! We don’t have much time!”
“I know! But I can’t leave my things!”
“There isn’t time!”
“I need my keys if we’re going to take my car, Riley!”

Sighing, he ran to me, checking the men over his shoulder. I seized my heavy lap top bag and shoved it at Riley. I caught my purse by its strap then spun around, opened a brown cupboard door and grabbed a handful of clothes. There was moaning again in the back and I slowed to a halt. “Riley . . .”

Sighing again, he grabbed the Taser and ran to them hitting them both, and with the way they slumped, I wondered if they’d be getting back up again. “Did we kill them?”
“They’d been trying to kill us, Shanna! Snap out of it! Now, go!”

We ran out of the store, to my car which I unlocked with shaky fingers. I threw the bundle of clothes I was holding to him, started my car and threw it in drive, thankful it wasn’t winter and I’d have to wait for it to heat up.
Riley lifted a piece of clothing, looking puzzled. “What’s this?”
“It’s the only thing I could get for you on such short notice.” I turned left, onto the main street.
“Huh?”
“It’s clothes Riley, you’re naked, remember?”
I heard him chuckle but didn’t look at him as he contorted himself to pull the black work pants up his muscular legs. The blue work shirt soon covered his chest.

“The pants are short but . . .”
“Well I’m sorry I didn’t have time to check sizes,” I sneered, “I was being yelled at by my guard-dog-turned-naked human to hurry things up.”
“ . . . Thank you for thinking of this,” he finished, his voice holding a hint of laughter.
“Oh. Well, you’re welcome.”

I made a hard right, trying to keep my hands steady. I felt a hysterical bubble threaten to spill out of my dry throat. “At least I didn’t end up in the hospital again, my parents would have . . .”
“Your parents!” Riley shouted.
I jerked the wheel. “What? Where?” I scanned left and right looking for them. “Wait, how do you know -”
“No, Shanna, I mean we have to get to your parents! If the trackers have found you, they can find your parents!”
“What are you talking about? You know them? Did you invite them here, or what?”
“Listen, we have to-”
“No, you listen. I’ve just spent the last month with you, telling you things about me I never would have had I known you were anything but a dog. I trusted you with my life and now you’re telling me that the two men who just attacked us are acquaintances of yours?” The words came out in a shout.
“Shanna, you deserve explanations, I know that. But I’m not the one you need to talk to right now; let’s go to your parents and they’ll explain everything.”
“What would my parents know . . .”
I glanced at him and his eyes met mine; steady, unwavering. “Okay, let’s go see them.”
Last edited by borntobeawriter on Mon May 02, 2011 12:57 am, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 19723
Reviews 225
Oooh, I like this one :D
Definitely the best chapter! There aren't really any mistakes, so I'm not going to go through the chapter...

Just one thing I thought was weird is when, at the end, she's freaking out because she told him things that she had never told anyone... At a moment like that, I don't think anyone would be thinking of that, they'd be more like freaking out because he's supposed to be a dog!!

Anyways, that was all, love the rest, good flow of writing :D
xxx
Got a story you'd like reviewed?
topic75101.html

Punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma".




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 370
Reviews 541
O.O plot twist! You have some very nice action in this chapter. The men showing up, Riley turning human, Shanna's parents supposedly knowing what the heck is going on. Makes me want to see what's next. :D

I didn't really see any big mistakes, though I am still curious about how old Shanna is supposed to be.

Well, great job! Can't wait for the next chapter!

-Lauren
Got YWS?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 44887
Reviews 816
Whoa, that was cool!
I wanna know what happens next, is she really like a princess or something? lol
Well, I didn't see anything that I needed to point out exactly. All your grammar is good and it seems you got your flow going so it's good :)
Keep me posted!

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 30278
Reviews 482
Oh my goodness, this was awesome! Totally took me by surprise! Well done, I can't wait for the next chapter! :D Great twist; great action; great dialogue. Only a couple of things that didn't make sense to me:

borntobeawriter wrote:Ironically enough, they had the ‘Shayna’ part right, although no one knew that.


Wouldn't she be a little more surprised that they know she's Shayna?

I noticed the object in Blondie’s hand and although I had never seen one I knew what it was; a Taser!


If she's never seen one, how does she know for sure it's a Taser?

“No, Shanna, I mean we have to get to your parents! If they’ve found you, they can find them!”


It's a little confusing, having all of the "they's" when you're referring to the bad guys and the parents in the same sentence. Perhaps you could clear it up a bit?


And that's it! I cannot wait for the next chapter, let me know as soon as you post it up!! :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1790
Reviews 12
This was pretty cool! :D really enjoyed it! I did expect the dog to maybe be a human, but I never would've thought the parents had anything to do at all in the whole story other then being annoying!

Also... one little thing about tasers, when you're shot with one, you fall down, all your muscles stop responding to you for a couple seconds... ­http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvmXzjwZC2M
So part of the fight scene doesn't really work...

But great chapter, keep them coming!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 30301
Reviews 770
David, thanks!! Everyone, thanks a lot for all the great reviews, I truly appreciate it :D

Tanya




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1395
Reviews 565
Darn it. I expected Riley to talk, but not this. Kudos.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 30301
Reviews 770




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 13173
Reviews 123
Hi Tanya! Me again!

This one was a lot easier to read than the last one. The length is good, and the action really moves it right along. Good job! Seriously, I couldn't stop reading.

The Riley being a human thing--wow. In a good way. I sort of expected him to just be a talking dog, but a shapeshifter is even better. You did the transformation well, too, I think; when she backed into him, I just expected him to be another one of the bad guys (who I'm rather intrigued about.)

Shanna's reactions are still a little bit bland, but at this point I guess it could be that she's not a very reactive person. She's certainly not stoic, but maybe things just don't faze her. I'm still not really sure about that.

Your grammar and structure are very nice in this one. I want to say I found a place or two that seemed off, but I'm looking through and can't find it again, so maybe it was a misread on my part.

I can't think of much else to say, and I think everyone has caught everything else, so that'll be it for this review. Great job on this chapter!

Take care,
Freyja.
We've got deep-fried water bears and horse wigs!

If you're slapped in Guam, you're slapped in real life. --chibibo

Need someone to review your novel? Why don't you try checking here? Buddy up!

Last time I checked, love had no gender.



Revision is one of the exquisite pleasures of writing.
— Bernard Malamud