Vanilla Intoxication

Vanilla Intoxication

Glassy liquor melodies
Nor bronzed, rum-filled confections
Can never fail to stifle
An untamed, tremendous craving

They only arouse even further
A darker, more passionate lust
Which no amount of skin can soothe
Nor entirely take away

The chamber is filled from corner to corner
With her heady scent; so sweet –
As the eccentric world spins round
In a carnival of sweet desire.

Only this and nothing more
Can ever ease this pleasant unease
Can ever clear away these doubts,
Although this itself is the cause;
And only this and nothing more
Can ever make this hot blood
Rush through these deprived veins,
Pulsing with utmost selfish want.

Swindling in twisted heaps,
Drunken thoughts swirl in this mind
As the thrilling aroma of intoxication
Is buried deep into this chest

The subtle lines are read again,
Each letter printed clear;
Every steeple and curve neat
And honey-coated with deception.

‘Tis all but something played for fun,
A little gamble with temptation
But monotony will soon be realised
And all desire will be tossed away –
A myriad candle fires snuffed out,
Chocolate droplets melting in heat
Or a fervent prayer which has lost
Its music of desperation.

Cream-coloured sheets are filled
With words smeared with poison
An avalanche of sweetness
And vanilla-scented lies.

Hey sugarxsnow! Okay, so I’m generally not the greatest reviewer of poetry but practice makes perfect so I’ll give it my best!

Nor bronzed, rum-filled confections
Can never fail to stifle

Did you maybe mean ‘ever’?


You’re use of words is phenomenal here. However, it lacks not only structure but also any sort of real meaning. That seems a bit harsh but poetry is meant to express some specific emotion or event. This is kind of a big hot mess of beautiful words. Focusing it down to that key idea would make it a truly amazing poem.

Sorry I wasn’t much help. ^^

~lilymoore

Hi Sugar,

Well I agree with Lily that you have a refreshing vocabulary. But I also agree that this poem has no meaning whatsoever. It's lines wrapped around nothing but air, so when the reader picks through your lines to get the deeper message, they end up with nothing.
Quite unsatisfying for such well knit words.

If you have a message in mind, that you feel you buried into this poem, you buried it too deep and drifted away from it through the poem. For example the closest possibility I can get too is a very vague message about lust. But really that message is too vague and simple.

When you get and idea, you want to get to the core, then carefully wrap it to create layers to a poem. Otherwise it collapses onto itself.

You have the right idea, you just missed a step really. Keep working at it.

Kamas