Dear Facebook - 09 January 2010

Dear Facebook, you are probably the last person im suppose to talk to but you are the only friend that's always willing to listen, no matter where i write from. I feel so sad. I want to go home. Where i have a life, and a mom, and a bed that's mine, and a annoying little brother, and a car to drive, friends to hang out with, and dogs to cuddle with. I think im depressed again. The past holiday was good for my spirits, i let loose a little and enjoyed the summer holidays with my friends. i love them. All of them, even those that don't believe me. Its kinda sad being here. I hate smiling at people that i know dont like me, or me them. I hate the way things work here. I hate the dynamics. i dont want to be part of the system but the system is everywhere i turn. You are the system! What am i suppose to do? I feel so neglected and so alone? maybe i am to blame for all this hurt i feel but how do i stop it? how do i make it end? i feel like i need to go...to a bad bad place, from which i can never return. Where i can sleep forever, and even though it will make my friends and family sad, they will understand someday that i could not keep living like that.

The lady thats suppose to help me just makes me sad. I feel sad friend. I really do. And most of all i feel like life is over before it began. I feel like im a burden and that whats happening is all my fault. And i feel sad that you are the only one that i can talk to. And i feel sad for my friends for all the things that they are going through. I feel like ive sinned. I feel so dirty. who is willing to love me? who will ever want to be with me? I feel like there are too many secrets in the world and everyone is hiding something...why cant we all just be honest with each other? why dont we just love each other? why is helping others so painful for us? why is it so easy to demand respect but so difficult to give it? where has the understanding gone? are we really as different as we thing we are? are you not my sister, and me your brother? I hope the answer is yes. I really do!

I hope im not annoying you. I didnt know who else to write to. I really wish that this was a suicide note. I wana to die so badly. Its the first thing i think about everyday before i wake up and the last thing i think about before i sleep. My heart hurts so much and i dont know how to make the feeling go away. I trust that God will make it go away but he is taking so long... I hope that you can help me, if you can. I need help. How do i tell them how i feel? How do i make them understand? How?

I have cried too many nights, ive had too many drinks, ive tried to forget too many times! I hate this life so much!!! I dont know what to do..i feel hopeless. I just want someone to tell me that its going to be ok. But i need to know when its going to be ok. i need to know now or else...or else. Im a fucken coward!!! im a fuckin coward!!!

I try so hard to be happy but it never seems to work...it just doesnt. It never happens. never

I like it. Lots of feelings, some inherent vagueness about it to make it universal. The only thing I'm curious about that you didn't quite clarify--facebook? Why is it dear facebook? What does facebook have to do with any of this?
Other than that, I look forward to hearing more from you

This is really good... I mean as far as these types of things go. For some strange feeling I found myself relating to it... I guess I'm trying my utmost not to repeat what has already been said but

some inherent vagueness about it to make it universal

seems to pretty much fit what I'm trying to say.

I've done some similar things such as writing a letter to my cat (recently deceased). I also wrote a letter in black paint on a rock in my garden. I wrote the letter to the rock... Okay, maybe I should stop there... I'm getting a bit weird now...

Anyway, letter-writing aside, this is really good.
You've got potential to write some amazing things.

Illa Ater Rosa **

ah thanks guys...i really appreciate the positive input.
The reason its addressed to facebook is cause i think facebook is accesible any where any time adn since i, another people, spend so much time on it, i thought it would be relevant to write to facebook. Cause its always there. kinda. lol
read sams story. you might like it
cherios