Unititled

A/N: Those who know me know poetry is not my strong suite. However, I figured that I'd post this, just because. The name is astricked out to protect privacy; the original version had the person's name in it but no one there knew the person. None of my school people know this person but they'd know who it is, so the person's privacy is being conseled. This was originally posted January 21 of this year. I apologize for the formatting; I've added spaces and used the special formatting thingy but it's still all bunched together. ~Represent new lines. Tear to bits!

~

Hey, Mom, can't you see?
I'm hurting and I don't know what else to do.



~I've already stopped taking my meds
but I need something more drastic



~I stole a butcher knife and an eating knife from the drawer today, Mom,
I know you won't know either are gone
I don't know which one will break the skin and which won't.



~They're hidden in my novel kit, Mom,
under flashcards and a few pieces of paper;
I don't know when I'll use them
but I know it will be soon.



~I've gone to therapy, guys,
and I know that I'm some good person
with a lot to offer
but who really believes that?
I know I don't.



~She was just telling me, Chance,
that the cutting is a phase
when I told her a guy in my class
was making fun of cutters.



~I yelled at him inside my head, Blake,
because cutters just have a lot of pain inside them
that they don't know how else to get out.



~I'm scared, *****,
because I know you went through this too
and you told me
but, by the time I remembered, I couldn't remember who'd told me.



~I know I seem better,
with makeup on my face and my hair done,
but I'm still scared inside
and I'm stil hurting.




~I need someone there
to tell me I'm okay
and that I'm beautiful;
someone other than my therapist and my parents.



~I need someone to catch me because I'm falling and I'm falling fast
but I know better than to wait.
No one will be there to catch me unless I ask them to
and, even then, who knows if they'll let me down?



~I'm going to close this now
but don't say I never told anybody
because someone will read this and they'll know.

Well, this is content over style so allow me to comment in a content over style way. My housemate recently drew my attention to this organisation, To Write Love On Her Arms which aims to bring self harm and suicidal behaviour into the light so people can actually talk about it and know they aren't alone.

http://www.twloha.com/vision/

I've heard about it; it's one of my favorite organizations. This poem was just a moment of weakness. Thanks, though!

Hello! I'm always pulled by untitle's so here I am! Here are a few thing to think about while you're editing:

Hey, Mom, can't you see?quote]I think this is a pretty good start. It caught my attention, but not as much as I would like. Also, I think if you took out the first comma there'll be more flow going on

because someone will read this and they'll know.

I think this could be split in two lines, split at the "and they'll know"

I don't know when I'll use them but I know it will be soon.

Hmm. Interesting. I'd take out either the first line or the second.

I'm scared, *****,because I know you went through this too

Possibly take out the "I know " and leave it at "you went through this too

but, by the time I remembered, I couldn't remember who'd told me.

At this point I would just casually forget about punctiation and take out all the commas



OVERALL

-The poem is a little bit dull... I think this is because you stretched it out so long. Remember, quality! Not quantity

-It didn't have color, that juicy flavor all poets aim for. It's in the word choice honey XD

-I thought this could be much better with a bit of work. Experiment! PM me if you're in need of a heavy critique and hope this helps,

winie*