loving, hating and missing u

Lovning you
was the best thing that ever happened to me
Do you really still loving me?

And hating you
Was the worst thing that I have been through
I really miss you

Caus when your gone I started to cry
I felt like I was going to die
Right now and forever
so, please please answer me
Even though I know that you'll hurt me
And, we'll never be togather

With Love==> XoXo

Hello, xoxo!

My first bit of advice for this is to proof read. You have some grammatical typos and spelling mistakes that could easily be fixed by running it through a word processor or reading it carefully.

The next thing is that, as a poem, this isn't particularly strong. A poem should make the audience feel something and as a reader I felt very little. Part of the problem is that the delivery of the poem is not very fresh. It's not that the topic is cliche -- cliched topics can be built into something beautiful -- but it's the way that you present your relationship with this kid. You're telling us what you felt.

An exercise.

Love.
Hate.
Anger.

Do these words make you feel anything? They are labels for abstract things. When writing poetry you can convey the abstract using the concrete, through imagery. An image can be a powerful thing, bringing a small moment into sensory detail. Think of it as the "show don't tell" of poetry. This sensory detail can make a reader feel something. The audience will get more out of your poem. This is important, because audience is part of art. There's someone on the other end of your poem, reading it.

I read a poem today that blew me away. Take a look at Kylan's "snow falling on cedars" in other poetry. It's all images, and it's all impact. This leads into another thing that you can do to improve your poetry; Read. Take in as much poetry as you can. If you're reading poetry on here, look at the critiques. what do people like about the poem? What doesn't work?

So, practice, read, practice some more, experiment with images. Go for it!

Thank you so much for telling me my mistakes, I'll improving and reading more, and soon you'll be seeing my books soon world wide

Ooh, nice to see some honest emotions around here! Sometimes this lyric poetry stuff gets me so confuzzled.... xD
^-^ *Likes*

Hi xoxo,

xoxo wrote:Thank you so much for telling me my mistakes, I'll improving and reading more, and soon you'll be seeing my books soon world wide

No I won't.

Anyway, bear's review was pretty much spot-on, with the exception of the unending emphasis on imagery alone. She may well have tried to say this in her post, but I will just (re)state that poetry isn't simply about images or simply about story. You are sinking far too much into the latter; for every idea, a tangible concept. The reader needs an anchor, so learn to triangulate.

Hope that helped,
Galerius

I liked your perspective of it, but it needed a bit more, but I do hope you continue to write more of these great poems. I'll give it a Like, but a bit more detail. Hope to see more from you!