My Razor

This is a short little poem I wrote when I was at a very dark time in my life. It's not perfect, and I would greatly appreciate some help to make it better! Also, if you have a history of cutting or self injury, it may be potentially triggering.

--

You’re a devil; you’re a saint;
You cause and take away my pain.
Stainless steel against my soul,
You make me feel so alive.
You make me want to die.
Slide the blade across my skin,
You are my savior.
My sin.
My razor.

Hello and Welcome to YWS!

I am happy to say Im your first reviewer for today, and I would like to encourage you to review as many other works as you can . Now on to your review:

Liek you said this is a very short poem and it maybe a little hard to review with such a short poem of only one stanza. This is a subject unique and own to itself, and I applaud you to be couregous enough to write about it. I liekd this poem alot because of it's flow. It's never durupted nor stopping. Maybe try to make this a little longer by putting a couple stanzas before it describing how the person feels, why she does this, what has triggered it all; but make sure if you do elongate it that this is the last stanza because I feel as though this is a very powerful way to end your poem. Also, be careful when you make it longer because sometimes it just ruins the poem instead of making it better, but I think you have a large amount of talent and you can keep watch for that.

thanks for the awesome read,
Tiffany

PM if you have any questions

Hey Ruin! First off welcome to YWS! I hope you'll like it here .

Now since this is so short, as Tiffany pointed out, it makes it harder to review.

I did like it alright, it's not great, but not horrible either. It's simple and to the point, which might be a bad thing on one hand, but for this poem I think it works.
What I would suggest for you next time, is to try going longer next time. Try a subject that isn't love/hating your life, and see how it goes. The more you write, the better you get, so keep writing and keep reading poetry too!

~Hope

Hello!

I liked this because of the originality and whimsical nature of the poem. I agree with the others that you could have made it longer and then it would have been easier to review. But as it stands it is short and to the point which works for this poem. Next time you could write a little more, and describe the situation as well as the writers feelings
As for the rhythm I loved it because it wasn't broken or interrupted in any part, which I often find is a problem with poetry including my own.
Good Luck with your next piece, as BondGirl suggested, write more and read more and you will improve. But also review more, it really helps you spot mistakes and improvements in your own work after a while

Well Done
~Lydia