I Wish it Hadn't Happened

I should have seen it coming.
Everyone else did.
But I could not see it.
I wouldn't let myself see.
See that my best friend and my major crush,
That they were so close.


I told her countless times.
I told her how I liked him.
I expressed my feelings about him to her.
But then he asked her.
Not me.
And she said yes.
She lied to me about not liking him.
She lied about asking my other friend.
Asking her to ask him if he liked her.
He said yes.
And was told she liked him too.
He asked her.
And she said yes.
Right before my very eyes,
I lost what I'd worked to get for so long.
It slipped from my grasp in an instant.
Taken from my best friend.

I felt embarrassed.
I felt humiliated that I'd told her everything.
I felt betrayed.
I have forgiven what she did.
But I have not forgiven her.
Nor him.
I wish it hadn't happened.
Or at very least,
That I didn't have to watch it happen.
That I didn't have to see my relationship with her being damaged,
And a relationship that was once so close be destroyed in an instant.

I like this.
Sorry, My comments are rubbish, I never know what to put in them.
But I really like this.

This has it's own value as an autobiographical account of girl-betrayal. However, as a piece of poetry it has a long way to go. It reads more like a diary entry cut up into stanzas than an actual poem. The cure for this is some practice in imagery and a lot of reading.

Imagery is sensory detail. Good poets utilize it to evoke powerful feelings. While you're writing about powerful feelings, I felt very little. It was all explanations, taking me through the motions of what happened, but it didn't happen to me. It was so specific that I felt nothing. In fact, when I looked at it, all I could muster was "I've seen this before."

You're learning -- this will happen. Imagery will help you connect to your reader. It's a way of being specific and general at the same time. I'll give a link to someone more eloquent than I: Something Euclidean's Guide to Imagery. She's a great poet and I've used her guide (and her critiques) to improve on my work.

You should also aim to read a lot of poetry. Buy poetry books, and look at the tricks that these published poets use to convey feeling. Subscribe to literary magazines. Read the poetry on YWS and sites like it. When you do that, I suggest that after you read a poem, look at the critiques, and pay special attention to the NEGATIVE ones and the really in depth ones. These will help you see what works and what doesn't in a poem.

So, read, write (don't be afraid to experiment! It's an important part of learning), rinse, and repeat, and you'll get there. You have the idea, you have the emotions, and some time spent will give you the tools to really get them out there.