romeo

Romeo


I c u every morning at my front door
U smile at me and say u look beautiful today
Ur everything to me, im everything to you
Were just so perfect, were just so rite, well make it through the darkest light


You’re my shining star the bright and only one, hero in my life
Your everything to me your just the perfect thing for me
Romeo


Were walkin along the beach hand in hand
U look at me with those brown eyes and smile that crooked smile u no I like
Were just so perfect, were just so rite, well make it through the darkest light



You’re my shining star the bright and only one, hero in my life
Your everything to me your just the perfect thing for me
Romeo


I like that way ur not like those other jerks
I like the way u pay attention to me when im hurt
And u say babe r u ok
Were just so perfect, were just so rite, well make it through the darkest light


You’re my shining star the bright and only one, hero in my life
Your everything to me your just the perfect thing for me
Romeo


U look at me I look at u
U say babe I love u
Then I.. faint


You’re my shining star the bright and only one, hero in my life
Your everything to me your just the perfect thing for me
Romeo

Why, hello thar. I'm Light_Devil and I shall be your reviewer today.

Well, let's commence!

kimithy wrote:I see you every morning at my front door
You smile at me and say, "You look beautiful today,"
You're everything to me, I'm everything to you
We're just so perfect, we're just so right, we'll make it through the darkest light.

This is painful to read. Please, pretty please with cherries on top, DO NOT speak in chat-speak. Please.

You’re my shining star the bright and only one, hero in my life
You're everything to me, you're just the perfect thing for me
Romeo

Same for your chorus thing. No chat-speak.

We're walkin along the beach, hand in hand
You look at me with those brown eyes and smile that crooked smile you know I like
We're just so perfect, we're just so right, we'll make it through the darkest light.

Don't forget punctuation, as well. It's a must in poetry.

I like that way you're not like those other jerks
I like the way you pay attention to me when I'm hurt
And you say, "Babe, are you ok?"
We're just so perfect, we're just so right, we'll make it through the darkest light

All comments, that I made above, here again.

You look at me, I look at you
You say, "Babe, I love you."
Then I... faint

Okay. Same thing here. Also, this has to be the best part of your poem.

Overall:

I don't mean to be harsh, but never use chat-speak. Please. I'm sad to say, this has been done to death; not by you, but by the general population. The whole "Perfect us, love you and you love me too" thing is so average and streamline-normal. The repetitiveness of this also grates on my nerves. This piece has very little emotion to it, but there is some and they are base emotions, so I suppose you succeed in that, at least. Good work. If you have anything else you'd like me to review, feel free to PM me. Also, please take your time to write in the future.

Hoped this helped.

Have A Nice Day,
Azrael.