this is a poem about love

I love the way you’re out of this world
A wise man, twisting theories in your mind
I love the way your eyes twinkle
When you turn into a reckless child

And the smile that lights your face up
Sometimes sincere, often polite
Maybe even sarcastic, other times sad
I miss it…just like the night would miss its moon

I love the way your hair felt through my fingers
Thick and wavy, I long to touch them
The way you tasted and your scent…
I miss it; I miss you so much…

I miss how our hands played with each other
Our fingers intertwining like vine itself
And our breath harmonizing, as if we were one
While we were lying alone for endless hours

Hours of closeness and moments of passion
Hours of joy and minutes of piece

I miss your honesty and how true it seemed
How real it was, whatever it was
And to my heart the time won’t matter
Though it might have lasted not too long

I took those moments and whispered, “forever”
Wishing, simply hoping you would do the same
I took those moments and locked them away
So deep in my heart, it hurts to free them

tab13 wrote:I love the way you’re out of this world
A wise man, twisting theories in your mind
I love the way your eyes twinkle
When you turn into a reckless child

Lacking punctuation that would enhance the stanza.

And the smile that lights your face up
Sometimes sincere, often polite
Maybe even sarcastic, other times sad
I miss it…just like the night would miss its moon

Your repetition is very inconsistent, it feels random. I'm referring to the "I love," at the start of the lines.
Then you repeat "I miss," which is cool but I think you could better scheme it.

The meter in this stanza is unpleasant. Needs a little more punctuation in my opinion, the last line is too long.

I love the way your hair felt through my fingers
Thick and wavy, I long to touch them(it?)
The way you tasted and your scent…(the way you smelled?)
I miss it; I miss you so much…

I miss how our hands played with each other
Our fingers intertwining like vine itself(Simile needs work, for example: "like vines")
And our breath harmonizing, as if we were one
While we were lying alone for endless hours

Punctuation

Hours of closeness and moments of passion
Hours of joy and minutes of piece(Peace?)

Punctuation

I miss your honesty and how true it seemed
How real it was, whatever it was
And to my heart the time won’t matter
Though it might have lasted not too long

This stanza's a bit confusing. In the last line did you mean to say, "too long," or "not too long"? Add some punctuation as well.

I took those moments and whispered, “forever”
Wishing, simply hoping you would do the same
I took those moments and locked them away
So deep in my heart, it hurts to free them

Don't overuse the word "moment". Add some punctuation.

Overall the poem was pretty simplistic and sloppy but I still see loads of potential in you. See this as an opportunity for improvement!

I would caution against writing love poetry, especially if you aren't an experienced poet. A lot of them end up sounding cliche and immature. It's hard to express love in a way that isn't. Please don't be discouraged by my slightly negative review, just improve, improve, improve! Hopefully someone else with better advice for you will make a comment as well. Never stop writing!

I think this poem is very good, but it's a poem written to someone, and because you're not talking to me, I can't get as much out of it as I would like. I think this would mean the most to the person it's meant for. Besides that, "piece" should be "peace", and I don't like the use of ellipses - if your writing speaks for itself, which it does, it shouldn't need them. You have great description though, and I think if it's meant for a specific person, they would love it. You ahve great potential.

Well, I'll try not to repeat what others have said, so I'll go with this:
I disagree.
With all of these punctuation errors that they say, I understand this completely. However, this is poetry. How many poems do you see with periods and proper gramatical mechanics? I think this poem is just fine, and your descriptions were just fabulous! I love how you described the hair. It really pulled me in! I looke foreward to reading your work! ~*Cheez_Burger*~