Le Poem

I decided to take 20 minutes to make a short poem since I don't have any of my works here yet. The last stanza might be a little messed up, but whatever. I don't want to spend too much time on this since I have to go to bed soon.

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I clear the valleys of my mind,
Poetic verses come to show
That writer’s block is just a phase:
The poem still has yet to grow.

My pencil on the paper tells
That ‘fruitless’ is but nonsense stuff,
That flowing in my mind persists;
Discouragement is just a bluff.

When I put all myself to work
Denying me the necessaries,
A great resistance is to come;
My brain drops all that it now carries.

However, after exercise
When thought is still out in the fray,
Is the time to improvise
And be a genius of wordplay.

“Express thyself in greater words,”
My conscious utters out to me,
“For true poets use the heart and soul,
And treasure all their verse with glee.”

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Despite the fact that this poem was just for fun, comments and constructive criticism are always welcome.

Hello there Sting!

I see you are quite new-ish, so I'll first say welcome to YWS! I hope you're finding it awesome.

Yay, a poem about writer's block! I've seen a few of these lately, but not all of them ended in the lovely words of wisdom that yours did. I like that.

Your rhythm is somewhat shaky in some places--I'd suggest just reading out loud and tweaking a bit. There's not really any one place where it stands out, though, so you did pretty well.

The rhyming in the fourth stanza seemed a bit forced, but still not too bad. Just play around with it a bit, but that's up to you.

I want to give you a large compliment. Your punctuation is awesome! Every mark in the right place.

I liked this all together. I'm really looking forward to seeing what else you can do.

Take care!
~Freyja

Hey! I'm not particularly keen on poems about writing, but it is a subject matter we should all be able to relate to. And it is definitely light-hearted and fun, so you've done a good job there. The rhyming helps with this - it's not too forced, it flows nicely and your metre is good. Not sure about the use of "thyself" instead of "yourself", it seems a bit too olde world to fit in with the rest of the poem. I like the ending though, it has a nice message.

Hi. I'm Kate. I'll be your critic for today.

First off, the title. "Le Poem"? This isn't even French, mon ami. I understand it's in there for humour, but I dislike it nonetheless. Perhaps something that is more related to the piece itself?

I clear the valleys of my mind,
Poetic verses come to show
That writer’s block is just a phase:
The poem still has yet to grow. - Good rhythm, good flow, good rhyme, good stanza. You left me with nothing to nitpick! I applaud you.

My pencil on the paper tells
That ‘fruitless’ is but nonsense stuff, - Lolwhut? Earth-speak, please? And the words 'nonesense' and 'stuff' breaks off from the formal gist of the whole piece. I am greatly annoyed these two words, mind you. Get it out of there before I set this piece ablaze.
That flowing in my mind persists;
Discouragement is just a bluff. - Discouragement isn't bluffing. How do you bluff discouragement? What the chicken does this mean, anyway? Throwing in random words just for the sake of rhyming is bad, mon ami.

When I put all myself to work
Denying me the necessaries, - What necessities?
A great resistance is to come; - What resistance?
My brain drops all that it now carries. - What the chicken...? Hrrm. Edit/omit/replace this line. Consider brushing up your rhythm here. As I've said, rhyming for the sake of rhyming is bad. It's one of my pet peeves, too. I just hate it when people does that.

However, after exercise - Excercise? Lolwhut?
When thought is still out in the fray,
Is the time to improvise - This line is a bit off and does not seem to be relevant to the stanza at all.
And be a genius of wordplay.

“Express thyself in greater words,”
My conscious utters out to me,
“For true poets use the heart and soul,
And treasure all their verse with glee.” - FORCED. RHYME. Not gonna say it again. Rhythm, too. But 'tis a nice way to end, cara cuore, so I'll let you of the hook for now.

The nitpicks have been nitpicked.

My verdict? This is an average piece. I like it, but not to the heights of liking something. It's just okay. It can be improved, though. And I'm looking forward to your progress. I was a bit amused by your idea, this writer's block thing and whatnot, although to me, the images were not depicted that clearly.

Also, I applaud you for not being infected by something I would like to call "EECE" syndrome! It means "emoemoclicheemo". This poem was not a "DEPRESSED" poem, a theme of poem that seems to appear EVERYWHERE in this goshdurn site (and I am sooooo pissed off by the lot of 'em), although I admit, some parts are a bit cliche. Reread this again and see where you grimace at. It helps to reread, and be sure to read out loud, in order to assess where you lack in rhythm. All in all, an enjoyable work. At least, it was enjoying to review. XD

I hope this helps! PM me if you need anything else!


Toodles, lovvie!


~Kate