Child of the Moon - Prolouge

I hope you like this. It is just a random thing that I began writing yesterday.

Prologue

“Run, Uri. Run,” came the voice through the trees. I ran. I ran as far and as fast as I could. I promised myself that I would return and find out what had happened to my people, and when I did, I promised myself that I would destroy the thing that had made me run. “I will return,” I shouted back through the trees, “and when I do, you had better watch out.”

I hoped you liked this little bit. Please give me some feed back.
Midnightread

Well! This was very short . . . but interesting. ^^ Next time, post more, okay? That way people will have more to review.

“I will be back,” I shouted behind me, “And when I do, you better watch out.”

"And" shouldn't be capitalized.

Keep writing!

-Hawks-

Well, it's hard to comment on something so short, but I liked it. It does make me want to read on. Just a couple errors in the grammar I noticed.

“Run, Uri. Run.” The voice came through the trees.

"Run, Uri. Run," came the voice through the trees.

As I ran I promised myself, I would be back and I would find out what had happened to my people and when I did return, I promised myself that I would destroy the thing that had made me run.

As I ran, I promised myself that I would return and find out what had happened to my people, and when I did, I promised myself that I would destroy the thing that had made me run.

“I will be back,” I shouted behind me, “And when I do, you better watch out.”

"I will return!" I shouted behind me. "And when I do, you had better watch out!"

You seem to use "be back" when you should use "return" a lot.

Hiya! x

This was a very short extract, but I found it quite effective. So down to the review?

“Run, Uri. Run.” The voice came through the trees.

Nice start. Dialogue at the start of any chapter/paragraph/prologue draws the reader in and lets them question who was actually talking.

I ran. I ran like I had never run before. I ran as far and as fast as I could. As I ran I promised myself, I would be back and I would find out what had happened to my people and when I did return, I promised myself that I would destroy the thing that had made me run.

For the first few sentences, the sentence start 'I ran' was drawing and fast-paced. After 2 or 3 times, it loses effect and just sounds boring and repetitive. How about mixing the last sentence up so it becomes:
I promised myself as I ran

I shouted behind me,

This is a bit confusing. It could be worded better with a bit more description.

On the whole, this prologue is very good. The reader is informed of the tension in the scene, whilst keeping that characters a mystery. A good way of lengthening this extract would be to add more description of the setting and the emotions while this is happening. Other than that, well done! Can't wait until I get to read some more. Send me a message if you need any more help.

Forgotten x

I think this is an excellent start and the errors I saw were already touched by everyone else. I'd really like to have been able to read more, and you really should have waited a while until you had more for us to review. I am really interested.
keep writing.
Erin.

Hello Midnightread!

Hmmm....interesting, the nit-picks have already been done I see, so there is nothing left for me to do except...

*goes to read Chapter one*

(Sorry I was a bit late reading this, I will try to be more efficient next time! )
Keep Writing
~Lydia

Short but enjoyable.
I think you used "as" too many times in this prologue.
I ran. I ran as far and as fast as I could. As I ran, I promised myself that I would return and find out what had happened
I would take out "As I ran,"
I ran as far and as fast as I could. I promised myself that i would return
Sounds more fluent

midnightread wrote:you better watch out.”

I apologize if I am incorrect, but I remember my English teacher telling us that it should be, "You had better," and that saying, "You better," was grammatically incorrect.

Besides that, I really enjoyed your prologue, though it was a little short, but in a good way.