Second half of Chapter 1 of my book

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The fifteen year old golden haired girl Chloe did not know that many other people were looking at the same horrific sight. Fangs as sharp and long as daggers jutted out of the gums of a red-scaled serpentine reptile. The lizards head alone was almost as long as her entire body, and twice as big around. The lizard made no subtle movements except for opening its mouth a crack with each labored breath. Curious she looked around its head to see the rest of its body.
Thick muscular legs jutted out from its snake like body that spanned for more than sixty feet. The sickle like claws looked so sharp it was a wonder they couldn't cut a hole through the water floor. Like the orangutan, the dragon, there was no other term to describe the thing, was accompanied by other animals that should be cowering in fear instead of casually snuggling against the abominable mythological reptile. A panda, crane, and a chicken sized Golden Pheasant were next to the dragons’ mid section.
The dragon's serpentine body was slightly coiled around the animals. It's taking a defensive posture, she realized. Chloe’s parents were field biologists so she knew a lot about animals from all the questions she asked them. They weren't cryptozoologists so she couldn't ask them a question about dragons and expect to get an answer. They're also anti-Global Warming extremists. I wish they'd just shut up. They have no idea how the kids in school treat me.
The dragons finned tail was whipping back and forth threatening to strike at anything that dared to approach. Satisfied with what she saw, Chloe backed away slowly. The dragons yellow feline-like eyes watched her every move. It swung its head displaying the front view of its face.
From the front the dragon looked far more vicious. It gaped, revealing rows of jagged needle like teeth. A long forked tongue flicked out of its mouth as the dragon growled at her. The bald eagle on her shoulder fluttered its wings in an aggressive display of dominance. Unbelievably the dragon immediately looked away reflexively tightening its coil around the animals it guarded.
Of course! It all made sense to her now. The dragon, panda, crane, and the Golden Pheasant were China's national animals. That's why the bald eagle was so warmed up to him. It was the national symbol of United States, her birthplace! No wonder the other animals seemed reluctant and gave her a wide girth. Obviously some would have loved to make a meal out of the bald eagle. Like the Russian, Bear for example.
Thanks to the newly formed World Progression class she learned about the various animal emblems that countries used. Then again maybe she owed the Government no thanks, since World Progression class may be the reason she was having this bad dream in the first place.
Chloe turned back to the creepy rosebush to look at the stag again. It wasn't there. Chloe searched through the crowd of animals and caught a glimpse of a stag. This one was a lot smaller than the one that had the burning antlers. Its coat was a lighter brown almost tan color.
She gave up surveying the perimeter for the stag and looked back at the rosebush. The largest lion she had ever seen was next to the bush. She stared at the creature mesmerized by the golden shine of its mane and fur. Chloe grabbed a lock of her own hair and compared it to the lions. Her parents often called Chloe their precious gold because of her dazzling golden hair. But up against the texture of the lions her hair was dull and... human.
If she were standing next to the lion they would have stood shoulder to shoulder, and she was five foot eight. None of the other lions possessed the imposing yet comforting stature of this lion. What made it even more unique was that it was the only animal whose feet connected with the surface of the water! I almost forgot how lions looked like. A continent destroying Civil War in Africa had virtually wiped out every animal that lived in the savannahs, jungles, and deserts of the continent. Even Gustav the legendary man-eating crocodile who had survived previous conflicts was slaughtered by the bombardment of incendiary bombs rival dictators fired at each other.
The lion took four quick confident strides away from the rosebush. The water rippled in rings where its paws touched the surface. It was the most breathtakingly spectacular sight she had ever seen, even more so than the towering mountains in the distance. None of the trips she had taken with her parents to exotic locations could compare. And she had seen many once in a life time sights on her travels from the driest of deserts to the coldest forest in the arctic. I'm going to have to write this down in my field notes.
The animals closest to the lion backed away not all by fear, but as if they respected and admired the lion as a king. Many of the animals however were in fact trembling with fear. It was mostly the ones that had been terrorizing weaker animals before the lion had appeared. The lion unhinged its jaws and roared. The lions roar was like that of a thousand thunder claps and waterfalls sounding at once.
Chloe was not afraid; in fact she wanted to do something she had never done before. Sing. To her singing was only a thing happy people did. She lived a life of sadness.
***************************************
Eitan Eyal a fourteen year old Israeli boy watched as the long beaked bird with the orange and black tipped fin like feathers on its head, and gazelle that had been standing next to him headed toward the lion. Animals both small and great paved way for the two. He thought it looked kind of like how celebrities walked on the red carpet amidst crazed fans. Silly Americans, he thought. The parting of the animals also brought to mind an Old Testament tale, the one where Moses parted the Red Sea for a group of Jews fleeing persecution.
Eitan smirked when he saw that he was wearing a thick sheep’s wool coat. It was quite hilarious he didn't own such a coat and had never worn one like it. Only in my dreams, he thought.
Once the two animals were in the clearing the animals scooted back into place closing the pathway. The gazelle with the bird perched on its right antler stopped not two feet from the lion. The gazelle and bird were in the company of their mutual predator and didn't even hint at any stress. Eitan gaped as the lion put a paw on the gazelles head as if giving it a blessing.
As it pulled its paw away the bird chirped. To Eitan's bewilderment the lion was taking long strides toward him. If this wasn't dream Eitan would have been running for his life. Or not, something about the lion seemed familiar. The gazelle and bird looked at him nodding their heads at him. Do they want me to go over there?
The bird flew bird flew off of the gazelles head and toward Eitan. It tugged on the sleeves of his wool coat. The wind from its flapping wings smelled like honey. "Easy little bird, I'm coming," Eitan said in his Hebrew tongue. The bird awkwardly hauled Eitan to the gazelle in between the rows of animals.
The blue and black long beaked bird that had been extremely aggressive toward Eitan, the gazelle, and bird snapped at him. The lion shook his mane and the Sunbird cowered behind a camel’s bony leg. That's a Palestine Sunbird.
He hated what that bird stood for. Just the sight of the bird made him want to grab it, break its wings, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it. I'm not a good kid like my parents tell me. I am a bad person.
"Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
-John 11:25-26




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Hello again. I've done 11 reviews today and am feeling particularly caustic, so brace yourself.

I had a very fuzzy idea of what was going on here. I know it was a dream, but I'd still like some sense of plot and character development. I can see that the theme is about countries hating each other, but stories can't be centred around theme. An underlying message is good, but the key word is underlying. We need compelling characters, a gripping plot, drama, atmosphere, suspense, mystery, and a whole host of other things. A book can be without a theme, but it can't be solely based on theme.

To bring a plot out of the thematic mire, you need to give your characters goals. At the moment they're observers, and that's a big no-no. The basis of a story is a character is motivated in some way, to try and achieve some goal, which requires them to overcome some obstacle, or series of obstacles. This framework gives plenty of flexibility to incorporate a theme, which I understand you want to do.

The pacing was also off. From the other work of yours I reviewed, I see this is an area you need to improve on. Try googling some articles, or look in the knowledge base. Reading lots can help you understand pacing. See how authors use sentence and paragraph structure to manipulate how fast the story seems to go, and to draw attention to certain parts.

Keep at it. I do like the theme, and it's a creative idea. It just lacks the basic structure of a story.
Q: Where do you go to buy shoes?

A: At the shoez canal, lol.




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Well that made me sad.
"Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
-John 11:25-26



Don't aim at success--the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself.
— Viktor E. Frankl