Cattails

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I loved to go fishing with Grandpa. Sometimes he’d carry both of our fishing poles so I could carry the tackle box with both hands. Be careful not to drop it, he used to tell me. I never did. It was an honor, of sorts, carrying that tackle box. It smelled of power-bait and lake water and Grandpa. I was usually walking in front of him as we stumbled through the woods. I never liked walking in front; I wanted to be able to see him every second, because then I knew I wouldn’t be going the wrong way or getting lost. Whenever I got a rare opportunity to walk behind him, I felt safe, because he always knew the right way to go. Grandpa was a large man, and he left deep footprints into the ground. I liked to walk in them and judge my own strides to his.

There was a river that ran through the woods we were in. Grandpa called it Jacob River and said God named the river after me. I believed him because I believed everything he said. When we got to the bank of Jacob River, I reluctantly sat the tackle box on a rock and watched him lean our two poles against a pine tree. This was the spot we came to every time. It was a little over two hundred feet from the point where the river opens up into Tibble Lake. It was never occupied by other fisherman and their grandchildren. It was perfectly secluded.
Grandpa winked at me as he opened the tackle box. The unorganized mess spilled over the edge, but he didn’t put it back. Instead, he shuffled through the wire, hooks, sinkers, and bait. I didn’t know how to set my line, so I let him do every time.

“Grandpa?” I asked as he was arranging the bubble on my line.

“Hmm?”

“The cattails look different this year,” I said.

He takes a quick glance up to the edge of Jacob River. Large cattail plants grew along the bank. This year, they looked even larger and more full than the last time we had come up.

“Do they?” he asked.

“The spot I always sit in has grown a bunch of them,” I observed. This time, I guessed I would have to find another resting place. I glanced at Grandpa as he was struggling to get the hook on. His large fingers were having a hard time getting the fishing line through the hole.

“Choose your bait,” he reminded me, but I had already chosen mine. It was the bright orange and yellow sparkling kind. On the label, it read Power Bait: Orange Sunshine Surprise. It was my favorite. I knew if I were a fish, I would eat all of it. I surprised Grandpa by pulling it out of my coat pocket. Before we left his house this morning, I had stowed it away. Every few minutes, I would hold it in my hand and smell Grandpa and feel warm, even though the whether was rainy and cloudy.

“Do you need help putting it on the hook?” he asked.

“No. I want to do it by myself,” I told him, and unscrewed the lid. The wonderful scent of the bait filled my nostrils, and I smiled.

“Don’t prick your finger.”

I took a glob of the bait and squished it into the hook. Grandpa reminded me not to put too much, or the fish would be able to eat a lot of it and not get hooked.

“There you go,” he said into my ear. “Shape it like a little fishy.”

His breath was warm and smelled like pancakes and coffee.

“Can you help me cast it?” I asked him, and he told me he would.

Because my usual seat was overcome by cattails, I chose to sit a ways further down the river, closer to the mouth of the lake. I still wanted to be close enough to see Grandpa, but far enough away that his line wouldn’t get tangled with mine. He hated that when it happened.

I chose a seat on a large, gray rock. Cattails grew to the right and left of me to keep me company and Grandpa could still see me in case I got a tug. As I rose my pole to casting position, I felt his strong, experienced hands clamp over mine and go through the motions with me. One, two, three! The line made a funny noise as it flew through the air, and a satisfying plop as it landed in the water. We stood there for a moment, letting it sink into the current. I felt so good and strong when I was in his arms. I did not even feel this way when Dad and I went fishing together. There must have been something magical about Grandpa that made him so likable.

“You’re getting really good at this,” he whispered to me. His hands dropped to his side, and a cold breeze made my skin get goosebumps.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“I’m proud of you. I wish your other brothers would like fishing as much as you do.”

My other brothers were all older than me. Their time had come and gone to fish with Grandpa. When I was old enough to go, I seized the opportunity. Not once had I regretted it, even when I had not caught anything.

Grandpa left me to go cast his pole and left me with just my pole and cattails. I watched him slowly walk back to his. He grunted as he bent down to pick his pole up off the ground.

He was getting old, all right. I couldn’t help but picture what he would look like when he was ten years older. Would he even be alive? Life without Grandpa would be unbearable. What would I do on school breaks? Where would I be without seeing his coffee-stained button-up shirts and fisherman vests?

I took the opportunity to whisper to the cattails that surrounded me. They listened and absorbed everything that I had to tell them.

“I miss you guys,” I said. “A lot. I can tell Grandpa misses you too.”

The cattails just smiled and brushed and kissed me in the breeze.

“He doesn’t get a lot of attention at home, with Grandma buried and everything. I think that’s why he likes coming to this river so much. It’s because of her, isn’t it?” I knew I was right. Sometimes, when I was very quiet, I could hear Grandpa whispering something. Sometimes, he would cry. Other times, he would close his eyes and pretend she was with him.

The cattails weren’t just a friend to me. They were much more than that. They were listeners, and they could pass stories and lives that they hear from other people that came to fish at this river. These cattails listened all their life. They didn’t need words to speak. As I sat there, I felt them telling me that Grandpa missed her dearly. They could sense it.

Grandpa and I did not catch a fish that entire day. He blamed the weather but promised me that he would take me out again as soon as he could. I smiled and took the opportunity to thank the cattails for being my friend. As we were about to leave, I stepped away from Grandpa, tackle box in hand, and gazed at the plants.

“Thanks,” I whispered. “I’ll see you again next time. Hopefully, it will be sunny.”
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.




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He blamed the whether

weather :D

hey BBB!

Wow, beasty story! i love how you were able to recipracate the cozy feeling of an afternoon fishing with Grandpa. You made your character's thoughts on this event clear and consise!

Other than the minor error above, Bravo!

*Tay* :D
~formerly Ilovebubbles123

"There's only one thing
to do
three words
for you.
Ooh, I love you.

There's only one way
to say
those three words
that's what I'll do.
Ooh, I love you. "

For you.




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You did a terrific job of capturing the emotion and innocence of the boy. Him talking to the plants was great for invoking this.

The setting was also magnificently described, with a sense of nostalgia that fit the story like a glove. I don't know how you did it, but good work.

However, I was waiting the whole time for the conflict, and it didn't come. When he started thinking about how old his grandpa was my foreshadowing detectors said maybe he was going to die. It didn't happen, which was good for him and the boy, but bad for the story's drama, tension, action etc. There wasn't a beggining middle and end. It was all just one beggining, with no inciting incident to hint that it will be continued.

So, characters, style and setting were brilliant. Plot was lacking.
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Hi there, Bear! Glad to see you posting again! I'm going to get right down to this and review it.

So, I liked this story. It's very simple and heartfelt. For a bit, I thought that somehow the cattails were the kid's brothers, and that made me wonder what was up. But I looked again and saw that was most definitely not the case. And, once I realized that, everything cleared up for me.

And, I just have to gush for a moment on why I really like this. You really get into your characters here. The grandpa and the kid both are such unique individuals, and we can really get a feel for that in this piece. As simple as this piece is, it is alive in a way that other more complex works are not. I congratulate you on that.

My only wish was that this had a bit more of a resolution to it. As it was, it kind of trailed off. Giving it a more concrete-feeling end would probably be a worthwhile improvement.

But other than that, good job with this. Send me a PM if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice
Garrus Vakarian is my homeboy.




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This was just great! I absolutely loved it! It had a nice flow to it, the descriptions were lively enough for this point of view, and we [the readers] got a clear sense of the MC's character! Aalso, the grandfather character is also great.
Near the end you repeated "them" twice.
I have no real critique for this ecxept that it was really really good. I enjoyed reading it very much. Well done.
Ofir
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Baer Boy!

This story of yours? So freaking cute. I love reading your stuff. It has a certain style that I don't read so often. And I can tell you're getting better, even if this is the first piece in a long time that you've written.

One thing I want to mention is the ending. I think it's the cattails part, to be more specific. For most of the story, the cattails hardly play any part. The only time they're mentioned is when the MC notices more cattails grew in his usual fishing place. So when he started talking about the cattails and how they're his friend and started talking to them about Grandpa--that seemed a bit abrupt. Perhaps mention the cattails a bit more or just talk about Grandpa more.

But that's the only thing I could really catch. There were some grammar clunkers that can easily be spotted with another edit. Adorable piece.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
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Hey Jared,

I enjoyed this. Like you said it would be, this was refreshingly simple and nostalgic. You managed to describe things in such a way that they weren't, for the most part, false or cheesy. You stayed true to the story, true to the characters. I don't think you could necessarily do anything with this (publishing-wise), but it is well written and a perfect portrait of your style, which I have always praised as being easily digestible. Light and airy, with not too much substance, like Jabber said, it's a cute piece.

Sometimes he’d carry both of our fishing poles so I could carry the tackle box with both hands.


This line was a little jarring. It just...doesn't fit as the second line for your story. You attach a lot of significance to it, just with where it's placed, despite the fact that this detail is fairly peripheral. I don't know...it might just be me, but I don't like where you've put this line. It's just a little clumsy.

and he left deep footprints into the ground.


In the ground? Is this guy bigfoot? People don't leave deep footprints in the ground. Now, the wet sand or the mud, yes. But the way you have it written here, it sounds a little unrealistic.

Power Bait: Orange Sunshine Surprise


I laughed a little here, just because of the name. I don't know much about fishing, but do they really name bait like that? It's quirky, but it only works if you've seen something like that I think. Also (and again, I don't have much experience fishing), I always remember power bait being absolutely foul-smelling. I would assume you know, though.

He was getting old, all right.


Cut the "all right". Too colloquial, quaint.

The cattails just smiled and brushed and kissed me in the breeze.


I like the free-association here, but the image of "smiling" cattails doesn't even begin to work. It such a jarring image. Get rid of it.

Anyway, thanks for the read. I like reading your stuff -- usually I only have to point out stylistic/line by line critiques.

Keep up the good work.

-Kylan
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

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