Secrets

It Loves You

There's a morning glory in my pocket
that shines a brilliant purple.
It wants you more and more.
It loves you.

There's a smile encased in my lips
that comes out just a little.
It wants you more and more.
It loves you.

Chorus:
I'm not gunna keep it hidden
like secrets in a bottle
that no one will let go.
I'm not gunna write a blues song
of love I won't let show.

There's a volcano inside me
that I won't let erupt.
It wants you more and more.
It loves you.

There's a fire beneath my skin
that's running through my veins.
It wants you more and more.
It loves you.

Chorus

There's a heart inside my chest.
It wants you more and more.
It loves you..



______________________________ I'm new at the whole song writing things, so be brutal. I want fll critiques; don't hold back.

Hi, Herzing!

I really like the opening line. It's very beautiful, and I just hope that the rest of the stanza would be equally strong. Actually, to me it felt like all the stanzas/verses started out good, and then just went downhill. I felt this most with the first verse, though, because out of all the opening lines, the first one was the best.

With music, it would probably feel and sound a lot different and not at all like something that would disturb the listener. Take The Beatles, for example -- many of their lyrics are really simple, but the songs are huge classics, because the music is interesting. With the right melody, you can do miracles! Have you thought about what music genre this song belongs to?

The chorus sounds good. But it would be nice if you expanded the song by coming up a couple more verses, maybe? And think about what you say. An inside volcano, fire in your veins, both of those are quite used images. Try to think of something more unique, like the morning glory in your pocket.

I hope this helped!


Demeter
x

Hi

First, I really like the whole idea you have going, and the recurring theme of "i Love you". The lyrics are really beautiful

The only thing I had a problem with was the way it reads: you said you hadn't written many songs before? I think? In which case its excusable to have a weaker structure at first
A good idea is just to get someone who hasn't heard you sing/play the song before to sing/play how they might think it sounds. If they have difficulty in picking out a structure then you might want to write it slightly differently?

Of course, if it sounds good to you then thats fine

Anyway, I love the lyrics, keep writing them!

Ella
Xx

Hello!
I liked this song. What is instrument for playing this song?
There are very beautiful words. I think, that it is touching. Right choice of words makes to feel the feelings of this song. I think, that with an accompaniment this song will be great!
With beat wishes,
Antonina.

Hey!
Thanks to everyone! This is my first song so I was a little worried about the feedback, but you all have been very helpful.

Black Wind: Thank you so much! I am actually playing this plucking rhythm on the guitar. It is a constant repeating of 3 strings in this plucking pattern. There is no actual strumming, so it gives off a very peaceful essence I think.

Ella: Thank you! Yes the structure is a little off, and I have changed it since this posting, and it is so much better. Thanks again

Demeter: I have changed the lyrics to make them more interesting, for instance I changed "There is a fire beneath my skin that's running through my veins." I changed that too. "There is a goldfish singing in my belly. It's singing just for you." He he It was quite fun to think of that. I was just playing the song and all of the sudden I was like "Hmmm, goldfish." Ha ha, so thank you for that. I have though of expanding the song with adding a bridge, but nothing has come to mind yet.

Thank you all very much, and I am sure another post will be coming soon!
Fingers crossed.

Love and all that jazz.
Herzing