The Dishwasher's Bane

All dishwasher's know
Of the dishwasher's bane.
It's slimy and wet
And a terrible pain!

A dishwasher's bane
Is not one thing, but many.
And, on a bad day,
They can reach far past twenty.

The bane of a dishwasher,
A dishwasher's bane-
Is wrinkled old fingers
and a spoon down the drain,

It's mold and it's muck,
It's sludge and bad luck,
It's leftovers from the previous year.
It's scraping them off and it's suds-ing them up,
And wishing the end were somewhere- anywhere!- near.

It's sopping wet clothes and
Murky, brown water.
It's grabbing a knife- wrong side up.
It's grime and it's sweat- you're just getting hotter,

It's nausea- you're about to throw up.

But no more of this now, you are weary,
And I've told you enough, I can see.
But such is the life of a dish washing girl,
A girl with a bane- times three.

I like your poem. It has a beat like a song and rhymes really well. I seem to chant it, as I'm reading, and I cant stop! it's worth repeating! ( see? now you got me rhyming and I usually not that big on poetry!) keep on writing!

Thanks, Lily! *hugs*

It's a very interesting poem, and its well written, the only problem I have with this poem is this:

But such is the life of a dish washing girl,
A girl with a bane- times three.

Now, I believe that there is no point in revealing the gender of the main character, its rather superfluous and it disturbs the rhythm of the poem.
Another thing is this:

- times three

I don't understand the meaning of these two words, not in the slightest.
Hope this review helps you, ab5986.

Hey Kate!

One thing that kind of bugged me... your constant repetition of "dishwasher's bane" or "bane of dishwashers." You really don't have to say that all the time.

Besides that, I really like this poem! My favorite parts where when you described what sorts of things dishwashers do. That made me giggle... it's so true!

So more descriptions like that and less repetition and it should be fine!

Hello Kate,

I loved this, your description of what dishwashers do was really interesting. I have never really thought of it that way before.

I, unlike Snoink, like the repetition of 'dishwashers bane' etc. because I though it kept the rhythm and timing nice.

I loved the way it flowed and you could almost chant it

Well Done!
Keep Writing
~Lydia

I'm not much of a poetry reader, but I enjoyed this. It had a humour to it that was refreshing amongst the slough of dark, moody poetry out there.

At first I thought you were talking about a machine dishwasher and was expecting the bane to be rice because it clogs them up. I figured it out prettty quickly, but it is a bit misleading. When I think dishwasher, I think of the machine.

And wishing the end were somewhere- anywhere!- near.

This line sounded like it had too many beats.

I can't really help you further. I'm a poetry no-hoper, but I got fed up with reading prose for the review bash, so I thought i'd give it a go. And I enjoyed the poem.

Hello! I like this poem - it's lighthearted and fun. However, I think some of your words are unneccsary. For example, here: "The bane of a dishwasher, / A dishwasher's bane-". The second line adds nothing new to the poem, so perhaps you could find something new to say which will still rhyme. This line also doesn't really fit: "And wishing the end were somewhere- anywhere!- near." Perhaps you could shorten it because it interrupts the flow a bit. One more thing, this part:

It's sopping wet clothes and
Murky, brown water.
It's grabbing a knife- wrong side up.
It's grime and it's sweat- you're just getting hotter,

It's nausea- you're about to throw up.

When I first read this, I got confused because "up" didn't appear to rhyme with anything in the stanza. Easy way to fix this is to move that last line up, getting rid of the blank line.

All these things are easy to fix, if you want to. Just some subtle changes that could improve how your poem reads. Have fun with it.

Hi! I really liked this poem.I, personally, didn't mind the fact that you repeated the phrase "the dishwasher's bane" because I think it added flow. That's just my personal opinion, but, well, ya. I loved the whole thing, personally. Awesome job!

--Dreamy

Hey there!

I think that was an interesting read. What I will say though is that content wise I'm not really goign away with anything. I realise that the poem isn't really the type that has the indepth meaning in this case, but if it isn't for that I want to go away with a smile. Unfortunately, I don't.

I'm going to put the blame on these lines:

The bane of a dishwasher,
A dishwasher's bane

I don't mean to be harsh, but repetition like this is dull. I think if you're going to repeat something it needs to have a catchy rhythm or a punch of effect. Do you think these lines have that? I don't.

Hey this might just be me.

Any'oo besides the repetition I thought it was well devised, structured and punctuated; so you've got acceptional fluency.

Keep up the good work.
Ben

Thanks for all the advice everyone, it's deeply apreciated!

The rhyme and rhythm were very good, especially in the beginning, but then it starts to deteriorate. I would retain the rhyme scheme you had in the beginning, and carry it out until the end.
Also, the first line, "All the dishwasher's know"
should be "dishwashers."
Good job though. I am very impressed at the way you took something as prosaic as dish-washing and wrote a poem about it.

I have to agree that it is great to read a poem on here that is not entirely serious and moody, but I believe this poem does have a certain darkness to it describing the dishwasher's bane. I did not have a problem with the repetition because I think it makes the poem kind of escalate and build to the show the true point of it. Overall great job!!