Seasonal Rebirth

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So I realize that this is the first poem that I've written in a long time. The idea was attaching the cycle of rebirth to the cycle of seasons. CC encouraged because I'm not the best writer in the world. ** edited line breaks.


Tread softly, the snow’s fading;
Let’s try to make it last.
Gently falling, the flakes;
Reflecting our attitude on life.
Free falling, no direction;
Go with the wind.
Soon it fades, melts and molds
In to something completely new.
Something full of life;
Ambitions, room to grow.
Growing takes time, energy;
Strength during hard times.
Then suddenly, as though it’s been too long...
You’re full, prosperous, at your peak.
Letting your life shine towards others;
And letting them feel the light.
As the weather starts to cool
In that oh-so-familiar way,
Your perceptions start to change,
Along with the colours of the leaves.
Your leaves begin to quiver, shake;
Ruined by the dry, hostile air.
You crumble in fingertips...
Or fall from where you’ve become.
Detaching from life;
As the roots isolate life as if it was put on hold.
Then again, as life begins again..
Slowly falling... pure...
Untouched.
Last edited by LexiiChristina on Sat Jan 30, 2010 11:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Hi, Lexi, welcome to YWS :)

First of all, I like the way your poem mixes inner feelings with seasons. It has a personal, hopeful feeling to it, kinda like saying that even though we're disappointed or angry, there will always be better times- great job!

I suggest that you break up the lines a little so that it's easier to read, and perhaps describe your feelings a little more so that the reader gets a more vivid picture- but other than that, it's wonderful :D

Looking forward to reading more of your work!

~Mel
"Don't say 'the old lady screamed'- bring her on and let her scream." -Mark Twain

Writing is like traveling- you never know what's going to happen until you get there.




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Hello, I don't have any real criticism, its simply too good to have any basic flaws I can see, but regarding what I have seen:
1).....Sorry, but there really is nothing, I especially loved how you used the changing seasons to describe the rebirth(of course, its title is seasonal rebirth, but I still believe it deserves special notice).
Very sorry that I have no criticism, ab5986.
Will Turner: You didn't beat me: you ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you.
Jack Sparrow: That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?




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Um, wow. That was absoulutly incredible. I would have had no idea you hadn't written poetry in a long time if you hadn't told us. This is simply incredible. BRAVA!

Kally
Love is beautiful, but what would love be without life?




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Thank you so much! I'm sitting here with a permagrin. :D I was scared it was going to get torn to bits, but thank you for your compliments! :) And I was thinking of splitting the lines, but didn't really know how. I'll work on it! Thank you all.



Should we not walk? On our feet? The ones I now have again? I do like my feet. They are befittingly perambulatory.
— Pattern (Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson)