Mistakes

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Okay, I have to admit this is not my very best work. I honestly don't like writing depressing poetry. But I really wanted to write a poem about this. Please Enjoy it! :D
__________________________________________________________________________________________


I've made a mistake.
And I know you'll never forgive me
Even if I go on my knees and beg
Or if I cry until there's no tears left.
I'm guess I'm just horrible
Untrusting and mean.
I never deserved all the things
You said to me.
I cry in my bed all night
Always regretting and hating my mistakes.
Wishing and dreaming
If things could be alright again.
I cry and I beg and sometimes even scream
Because how much you meant to me.
I let you go.
It was all my fault.
And I can't find anything to make it better
You were my happiness
You made me stronger
Now, I don't have you any longer.
I still love you
Even if you don't feel the same way back
I'm searching and searching
To find a solution
To all this pain and sadness.
Then one night I thought about something
I never really thought about
Forgiving myself.
I've learned from my mistakes
Mistakes have always been part of my life
Part of anyones life.
Bringing us down.
Wasting our time.
Mistakes are just part of learning
I've learned my lesson.
And finally,
I forgave for what I did.
Last edited by DreamWriter99 on Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Don't frown, because you may never know who may be falling in love with your smile. ♥




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Hiya! Classy here! let us see what I can do.

I deserve all the things
You said to me

So these lines make the poem not flow well. They are just put in randomly. You are ranting, and all the sudden, you give in to the one you are rating about? No, it doesn't work. haha

I think you need some punctuation. I don't want to add it in fore you, but at the end of each like, I do like some sort of punctuation; not ever line, but most. I think you need to add it in, and it will make your poem flow better. Right now, it's really choppy, and I'm not sure how to read it.

Nice poem, though. It has a lot of meaning, just clean it up a bit!

Classy




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Hello,

As Captain Classy said, this is a very good poem, but it does need a quick proof-read and a few rough edges touching up. Also I think you need some punctuation in there as well, at the end of the lines, it will make it flow better. Other than this I like it, we all make mistakes but we should learn from them so, this held a lot of meaning for me. :D

Well Done
Keep Writing
~Lydia
Thinking about what you COULD achieve will get you no where. You've got to chase your dreams.
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=188&t=92400 - Need a review?




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Hi,
quite frankly, I don't know what to make of this. It is very nice and yet feels lacking.
Its a bit too straight forward, at least for me, and if you were to use a wider range of words it would help.
I forgave for what I did.

This is the only line I had a specific problem with, I find it lacking, at least when you read it for the first time, and if you would have written "myself" in there, I think it would enhance the poem,
sincerely, ab5986.
Will Turner: You didn't beat me: you ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you.
Jack Sparrow: That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?




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i quite liked this poem because it has a lesson for us all to learn and that is to forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes, apart from the flow of the poem it was a nice poem that ienjoyed reading

wiggy :D
life is what you make of it.
never forget your routes



The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree