Oblivious (Song I Wrote)

We will not sleep anymore,
Until we win this war.
We will not close our eyes,
Not while the innocent die.

We will not sit and rest,
Until the violence is less.
We will not lay in our beds,
Not while our brothers lay dead.

I don’t know the gone; I don’t know their name,
I don’t know them at all, but I love them just the same.
While they fight for what they believe,
We keep on living our lives in ease.
Are we so oblivious?
The death is so continuous.

We will stand and wait
For those who don’t deserve the hate.
We will be here to serve,
And give them what they deserve.

We will not rest until
They feel a hope that’s real.
We will be there to love,
The ones who give so much.

I don’t know the gone; I don’t know their name,
I don’t know them at all, but I love them just the same.
While they fight for what they believe,
We keep on living our lives in ease.
Are we so oblivious?
The death is so continuous.

I love you, brother and sister.
I love you, brother and sister.
Come to me, while you are broken.
Come to me, my arms are open.

While they fight for what they believe,
We keep on living our lives in ease.
Are we so oblivious?
The death is so continuous.

I wrote this about the Christian martyrs in China. I hope you like it.

Hey!

Now, this song. It is amazing. I loved how it fit together so nicley. It seemed as if it were a poem. In a good way, not a bad way. The chorus was well written. It was one of those pieces were it takes you away to a different world. The song took my away to a world I like to call, "Cool!"

But, of course, it isn't perfect. Nothing is perfect. So now, this is the critique. It was a little overpowering for my taste. It didn't seem to match a rythem when I read it out. I was racing my breath trying to catch up with the words that seemed as if they were a million miles away. If you could, try and think of a way to re-wrod it so people aren't losing their breathes. That is was would get you a better review.

Overall, it was a very good piece. I love your literature and the words you use. I look forward to reading more by you in the near, or very far, future.

Until next time,

Fudge
xx

I love this, there were some parts that confused me but once I found out it was about martyrs, the parts the first confused me became my favorite lines.

All in all this is a great song. One thing I do have to say is this: I agree with fudge up there. While reading, it sounded like it didn't exactly have a rhythm.

How it's sung obviously can affect that, such as if the vowels are held out as if two syllables. I am a novice, and I am not so good at reviewing, so my words may be total crap.


I love this song, well done.

There is actually music that it goes to that makes it seem more rythmic. You'd have to hear it to hear the rythm. Sorry that it doesn't.