Thanks
Chapter 1
I drew my sword, shut my eyes and listened. All I could hear was my own breathing. Then I heard what I was listening for: the faint sound of my attackers foot steps. I waited then I struck, swinging the sword up and to the left. I heard my attacker groan in pain.
“Well done Aspen, you’ve improved since last week. You’ve been practicing.”
I opened my eyes and looked at my teacher, Brandi. She had taught me to fight since the day I had turned eight. My fourteenth birthing-day was now only eight sunrises away.
“Thank you, Brandi,” I said, thinking of all the time I had spent practicing that move while doing my chores.
“You’re welcome. Now you need to go and visit the Elder,” she said, looking away from me and turning to face the rest of the village children who were eight or above, the age the children of the Nambta learnt to fight and she said, “I hope you were watching and learning.” One of the younger ones said, “Why do we learn to strike with our eyes closed? Isn’t that something we shouldn’t do?”
“Yes Kimi, you shouldn’t shut your eyes in battle, but what if you are fighting in the dark? You will have to be able to hear where your opponent is, since you won’t be able to see clearly and sometimes your eyes can deceive you.”
“Thank you, Brandi,” Kimi bowed.
“Now, Aspen, you need to go and see the Elder.”
I bowed, as the hierarchy of the village demanded, gave Brandi my wooden training sword, then turned and left, heading towards the Elders’ hut. As I walked I redid my black hair into the braid that any female over ten was expected to wear since it had begun to come undone through the training, and I wanted to look my best before the Elder.
When I reached the hut, my mother was stood out side, waiting. “What do they want mother-mine?” I asked, wondering what I was needed for, normally the only people who came here were the men, to tell the Elder the result of they’re hunts.
“I don’t know, darling. Go in and see,” she said, but I noticed that she was close to tears. I went in and knelt before the empty, high chair of the Elders.
“Rise, Aspen,” a voice said from the shadows.
I rose and looked toward where the voice had come from and out of the shadows stepped the Elder. His name was Abel, the oldest person in the village.
“Your birthing-day is in eight sunrises.”
“Yes sir,” I replied, wondering how he knew.
“Tomorrow, instead of going to sword practice, you are to go to the Witches’ house.”
Outside of the door a heard mother-mine begin to sob.
“But why must I do that Elder Abel? No one goes to see the Witch apart from when they want help,” I said, fearing the answer.
“The Witch will explain tomorrow. Now go and get some sleep,” he said turning back to the shadows.
I turned and as I left and I thought I heard the Elder say, very quietly as I went through the door, “You’re going to need it.” I wasn’t sure if he had or not but it made me feel a bit nervous about tomorrow.
I went back to my family hut with mother-mine in silence. A silence that I did not try to break, I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts. Before we entered the hut, though, mother-mine stopped and turned to face me, “Do not tell your brothers and sisters what has been said to you. It was not for their ears.”
“Yes, mother-mine,” I said bowing my head, wondering why I was not to tell them.
“Good, Aspen. Now go in and help with moonlight meal.”
I went into the warm, and slightly crowded, hut and sat beside my two sisters, Abir and Zia, who were sitting on the bench cutting up the vegetables that would go with our moonlight meal. The moonlight meal was a special occasion; it was to celebrate the day and the night being the same length. It only happened every four seasons.
I sat and was just starting to cut up a rambutan, when my two younger brothers came charging in, Habib chasing Imam, then behind them came the tall, imposing figure of my older brother, Kai, my play mate when I was younger and later the person who helped me with my fighting. With his help I had become top of the fighting class and almost as good as some of the adults.
The three boys sat down and began to help prepare the meat for the moonlight meal, duck that Habib and Imam had caught and killed with their traps and slingshots and the deer that Kai had shot with his bow.
Then mother-mine came in, followed by father-mine, and we sat as a family and prepared the meal, with mother-mine giving father-mine a look that said, “I need to talk to you soon.”
By the time we had finished preparing and cooking the meal, it was dark and time to start on the meal that the whole village shared. As I sat and ate, I found myself looking at the Witch. She was the tallest women in the village, with long, black hair tied into a braid. Her hair was almost the same colour as my own midnight hair, but I had never noticed before just how alike it was, I supposed that was because, like every child, I was slightly afraid of the Witch and looking at her now, I could see why, as she was so tall she was very imposing. I was beginning to dread the following day.
Elder Abel and Chief Keanu then stood up and silence fell. Elder Abel then began the prayer that everyone, even the youngest of the village knew;
We thank you sky for the rain and the sun,
That comes to ground and feeds the families seated before me.
There was a moments silence before Chief Keanu carried on with the pray;
We thank you forest for the meat and shelter,
That protects us from the elements and prevents us from starving.
Then Elder Abel spoke once more;
We thank you rivers for the fish and water,
That feeds our families and slacks our thirsts.
The prayer was over. Everyone got up in silence and walked back to their huts. Before I went in, I looked behind me for one last look at the Witch, the Chief and the Elder. Then I looked up at the sky and the stars. Then, as my eyes began to droop I went into my family hut, where my brothers and sisters and I, bowed to mother-mine and father-mine. I loved my parents and I always would but because of the hierarchy we had to be very respectful at all times. When mother-mine and father-mine had kissed us all on the tops of our heads, I lied down on my sleeping skins and slept.
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At the end, with the "pray" (don't you mean "prayer"?) your italics were off, so be sure to go back and check the formatting.
We can only relate to your character with what you give us, and we can learn even more about her by how she reacts to things and how she sees her world. Work on characterization and description.
