Adventures of a Traveller: A Dark World Chapter One

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Adventures of a Traveler
A Dark World

Chapter One
Waking Up to a Nightmare
Draft Three

Before my eyes even opened I knew I wasn’t in my room. There was a chill in the air and a slight breeze. I could smell the outdoors, though it wasn’t the pleasant smell of rain or the forest, but the smell of the smoke of a city and …was that a hint of something metallic?

Sitting up and opening my eyes I took in the world around me. It was so strange, I could only be in a dream, or rather, a nightmare.

It was dark, night, but there was no moon and the stars seemed to cast a faint but gruesome bloody red on the black and twisted world. The streets and buildings looked like something straight out of some horrific cartoon, dark and menacing yet curiously shaped and somewhat ridiculous. It was strange how frightening that could be. On one side of me were houses with wrought iron gates that twisted darkly, they large houses behind them looked like the type that would be haunted. They almost looked as though they had been pulled straight out of some nightmarish animation. There were stone walls around each house. On the other side, it was like an old city, with brick buildings close together, some touching, with no alley between. But it was like nothing you would see normally. The stone edging around both the doors and windows was in a menacing design and on the rooftops it looked as though there were gargoyles. With only the glowing red light of the strange stars, I couldn’t quite make them out.

The red light…the blood red light. ‘Oh god!’ One hand flew over my mouth and the other, over my nose. The metallic smell in the air…it was blood. All I could think was that humans weren’t supposed to be able to smell blood. If I was able to smell it, well, how strong must it have been.

Slowly, as the shock of finding myself lying on the hard ground in a place I didn’t recognize, a very intimidating place at that, wore off, I began to realize what was happening. This wasn’t a dream, well, a nightmare, but a Trip. That was why I wasn’t in my room, or my own world either. Though it was only the third Trip…it was easy enough to recognize. An almost dreamlike feeling, while the world around me felt to real to be a dream. It could only be a Trip.

Figuring that out, I did a quick status check. Everything seemed to be in order… all my body parts were intact and functioning, if somewhat sore. My bag was with me, and my traveling clothes were still on my body, no more worn out than usual. Waking up in another world was strange, of course, but this one was definitely jarring.

A hand went to my shoulder and I instantly spun around, eyes widening. In front of my was a boy in dark clothes, like the buildings, exaggerated in a cartoonish way. He had blue shaggy hair that fell in his eyes but spiked up in back like someone out of a shoujo anime (yes, when I was in my own world I did in fact watch that crap.) He wore dark leather pants with an irrational amount of chains and zippers on them. Poking out from underneath them were large black combat boots with a metal toe visible. He was wearing a dark blue shirt with black stitches running up one side and over it all he was wearing a black trench coat that waved out behind him unnaturally. A silver sword hung at his waist, and there was a black leather strap going across his chest, whatever object attached to hit hidden by his coat. His eyes were a deep blue as the bore into mine and he growled with a smooth voice that could be sweet if he weren’t growling, “What the hell are you doing out?”

A shadow cast out from behind the edge of a building, on the side that looked more like a city, and he grabbed my arm, dragging me behind one of the stone walls that surrounded the houses on the other side of me. He covered my mouth before any sound could escape. I heard footsteps coming closer and I saw a shadow shrewdly dancing ever so near, but soon the footsteps, which though slow themselves made my heart pound faster, receded as did the menacing shadow.

The boy sighed. “God, girl, don’t you pay attention to what they do to the hymids out after curfew. At least the ones that survive?”

“Hymids?” I asked questioningly but he was already speaking again.

“Honestly, why the hell would you be out? Especially when it’s a Black Moon night?” I didn’t even get my question out this time, as he was pulling me down an alley way. I tried to keep up, but he ran too fast. I was barely able to stay behind him, and I knew that though I was running full out, his pace wasn’t difficult for him to keep. And the eerie quiet of it… he was like a ghost, making no noise as he sprinted in the darkness.

“Could you possibly be any louder?” he grumbled suddenly stopping. “Let me guess, you’re not a Night Stalker?” he said sarcastically. He suddenly scooped me up off my feet, a squeak escaping my mouth. He groaned, “Can’t you make this easier? It’s obvious you don’t get this, so just be quiet until I can explain it.”

I nodded once.

“Now hang on tight.”

And he jumped. High. My arms tightened around his neck as he pushed off the wall of one building, landing on the roof of another.

“That is not normal,” I breathed.

He laughed quietly. “It is for a Night Stalker. Where do you live?”

“That’s complicated. In short, nowhere you can bring me.”

“Great. That’s just great.” He sighed. “There’s no way around it, you’re coming to my house.”

He began jumping more. I don’t know how long it went on, probably a shorter amount of time than it seemed from my position. Eventually he tossed me in a window of a crooked stone house into a dark room. I landed on something soft. I pushed up off the thing I had face planted on and turned to see him climbing in the window after me, locking it behind him.

“Thank God we made it back,” he sighed in relief, falling back onto the soft thing I had fallen onto, or rather been thrown into, a hand covering half his face and his eyes closed. I realized I was sitting on a bed. I jumped to my feet immediately. One of his eyes opened and I barely saw his eyebrow raise in the darkness of his room. He chuckled and sat up. “Alright, girl, explain yourself.”

“You’re the one who scooped me up then tossed me on your bed,” I grumbled, slightly annoyed, and yes a little freaked out but honestly from his reaction to my being outside, I was quite sure I probably didn’t want to be outside.

“You have no idea of the alternative… You should know, but you obviously don’t.”

I sighed and leaned against the wall. “It’s sort of bizarre sounding.”

“I’m sure I can handle it.” He sat up, smirking at me.

“I am from a different world where things are completely different,” I told him, figuring it was best to just get it out in the air.

“What do you mean a different world?”

“I mean that we use different words for some things, our buildings look different, our clothes look different, our sky even looks different. Our laws are different, both the laws of nature and the laws people put in place. Sometimes, I fall asleep in that place and wake up somewhere completely different like here.”

He looked incredulous. “I’m supposed to believe that?”

“Yes,” I told him, “because I bet a lot of the things you’re going to tell me will seem complexly crazy to me. In fact, even you seem extremely strange. People from my world don’t have blue hair and no one dresses like that.”

“Don’t be rude.” Was he pouting?

I tried not to laugh. “So why don’t you try to explain some of this to me, since you seem so disgruntled with the way you act.”

He sighed. “Alright. This city is dark, the days only about six hours long and everyone has to be inside by sunset. When the sun sets the Shadows come out.” His eyes hardened and his expression turned dark. “Shadows are dark creatures that will rip you apart while destroying your mind with every last horrible picture hidden in your subconscious and while you’re still alive, but just barely and bleeding terribly, they rip your soul out, an extremely painful thing to experience, and then they eat it. Don’t give me that look,” he added as I’m sure I was looking at him quite disgustedly, “I’m just telling you the facts.”

“Right well, continue then,” I told him.

“There are people, like me, called Night Stalkers, that are born with an ability to run faster, jump higher, and hit harder. We are trained by the Town to kill the Shadows that come into town. We are also ordered to catch anyone out after curfew and hand them over to the Town.”

“Then why’d you bring me here? If you’re one of these Night Stalkers then aren’t you supposed to hand me over to the Town?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “You want me to do that?”

“Of course I don’t, I was just curious as to why-”

“I honestly don’t know,” he sighed looking away. Suddenly a devious smirk broke out on his face and he glanced back at me. “Maybe it’s just because you’re so pretty.”

I felt the blood rush to my face and reached for something to throw at him, not finding anything. ‘God, am I stuck with some pervert? But what’s my other option?’ “Oh shut up.”

“Whatever. The suns coming up, so I’m going to get rested for tomorrow’s shift. I suggest you sleep too,” he told me, pulling his boots and coat off as he spoke.

‘Eaten by Shadows, stay with this freak, eaten by shadows, stay with this freak…?’ Two sucky choices for me. “Right, so…where do I sleep?”

He laughed. “Either climb in here with me or sleep on the floor.”

I shuddered before answering, “Floor.” I dropped to the ground, already figuring out how I was going to make it bearable. It was stone, polished but still, it was stone.

“Oh you’ll get over that quickly. Well goodnight, rather good morning,” now shirtless, he pulled the blanket up and rolled so he wasn’t facing me.

“Yeah, yeah, you too.” ‘If he tries to touch me in my sleep I swear to God!’ What exactly I swore, I’m not sure.

A few moments passed before he rolled over again. I was shifting about, trying to figure out how I was going to get comfortable when he said, “And please do me a favor and don’t leave this room, answer the door, or so much as stand in view of the window.”

“Uh…Okay,” I told him, not finding a reason to argue for the time being. “Hey, if I’m staying with you, can you at least tell me your name?”

“Hunter. Night Stalkers have no last name. We’re renamed by town officials when taken in. And what’s your name?”

“Kat.”

“Well, have a good sleep, Kat.” He rolled away from me again laughing, as I glared at his back.

I did not have a good sleep on that floor.
~~~Lane Render




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Hehe,nice humor in the story.
Charged with adolescent eroticism, the text, nothing wrong with that, very cute in fact.
Also a nice attempt at a writing style, I'll just mention a few things concerning sentence and plot structure.

Before my eyes even opened I knew I wasn’t in my room. There was a chill in the air and a slight breeze. I could smell the outdoors, though it wasn’t the pleasant smell of rain or the forest, but the smell of the smoke of a city and …was that a hint of something metallic?

A few words which would improve the overal rhythm are needed. Sometimething like Even before my eyes opened...;the slight chill in the air and the breeze are very impersonal. Better to expreience it directly, like the chill and breeze being felt by theprotagonist's skin or something;
On the other hand, 'I could smell the outdoors' sounds like a smell is coming from the window or something. Perhaps here in fact, it should be impersonal - it smelled like the outdoors;

about the hint of something metallic. When the protgonist thinks 'was that a hint of something metallic?' sort of talking to the reader, this is an abrupt style jump. You should either soften it by reeling us in through some sort of introduction like 'I wrinkled my nose as the various odours entered it. Was that a hint of something metallic?'
Or, evade the abrupt style change by making it 'there was a hint of something metallic'. That way you are not suddenly talking to the reader, or suddenly showing how your thoughts flow, but are continuing to describe in the same dimension as before.

Concerning the unfolding of the plot, I believe you must first describe where the protagonist is and in what condition - i.e. on the ground, dressed, in good health, before describing the surrounding environment. After that you can still describe how the realization dawns, that a Trip has happened.

Hehe, by the way, a 'trip' is slang for someone being on LSD, or magic mushrooms, or DMT, or Salvia. Actually people who've tripped on Salvia have described similar stuff, only while in the different world, they didn't even remember who they were. Anyway, keep the 'trip' name if you are OK with that, if not - think of another name for the condition.

A hand went to my shoulder and I instantly spun around, eyes widening. The 'eyes widening' bit is usualy used for describing someone else, not yourself, and it stands a bit awkwardly. Think of a ssubstitution to describe the emotion.

A very fun begining so far, classical in a way. Jus to warn you - a young person like you is not likely to have the attention or frankly the skill to make this into a big novel. So my advice would be not to aim at something lie that yet. But I sure hope you have the patience to make this into at least a 10 000- 15 000 word novelette. Invent a main objective which should be achieved, and how this happens, and describe it. This would be an exellent way to pactice your technique.
Good luck
she got a dazed impression of a whirling chaos in which steel flashed and hacked, arms tossed, snarling faces appeared and vanished, and straining bodies collided, rebounded, locked and mingled in a devil's dance of madness.
Robert Howard




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Interesting style of writing. It seems unique, although not fully developed yet. That's alright though, it'll work itself out in time.

You tend to overuse some words, in the earlier part you use dark a lot. It's an easy word to overuse, I'd suggest grabbing a thesaurus and just making a mental note of a few alternatives to experiment with.

I'm sorry, really sorry, but Trip made me laugh. I'd highly suggest finding a different word. I don't know what kind of slang you're accustomed to, but trip tends to be used referring to drug hallucinations.

Haha, I'm loving these two characters, especially the way they interact. If you can keep the plot up I see the workings of a great novel here.
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