Shifters: Chapter 2

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Here we go, posting chapter 3, almost finished chapter 4.
Hope you enjoy! :D



Chapter 3

I gawked at Anthony, then his angelic wings. How does he hide those?

“Stay here” he commanded. I did. Not like I could go anywhere anyways. Pain and blood were still very present.

He ran off in the other direction, back towards the rhino before it decided to go after us again. As he came closer, it spotted Anthony and changed its position to attack. When I looked back to angel boy, he was holding a long thick sword. It was obviously real, but it still seemed strange; the metal was indeed grey, but it glowed blue a little, like some kind of reflection. I couldn’t tell from where though, since the sun was almost completely set, only giving small rays of light out.

Finally, the rhino-stone-thing charged. Again. It seemed to be the only thing it could do. Anthony dodged it with ease, rolling off to the side, except he didn’t see or hear the other one that came out from behind a couple of trees. Caught off guard, he was hit by the other beast’s head – thankfully no horn struck – sending him flying a fair distance.

Shit. I glanced at the newcomer. How did that thing make no sound? It’s like it popped out of nowhere. I looked back to Anthony. He was getting back on his feet, slowly enough to tell he was hurt.

A sound of pawing and loud breathing brought my attention to the first rhino. It looked pissed... As much as the stony thing could, really. This wasn’t good. Anthony was going to be trampled. Killed. I needed to help him. Problem was, I’d dropped my bat when I was hit, so that idea was lost. Plus, I still couldn’t move. I tried once, just in case, and my arms gave out quickly. I held back a desperate cry of aggravation and desperation and closed my eyes.

Oh God, please help him. “Somebody!” Won’t work. I need to help him! What am I going to do? Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ineedhelpsomebody! Pleasesomebodypleasehelpme!

Then I felt something. Something warm, cozy, around me. I opened my eyes and looked down at myself. Something on me was glowing... Not quite. I was glowing. I feebly lifted my hands and studied them. Sure enough, my skin was glowing a soft yellow tone. It looked like a...an aura. Touching myself, I could feel how much warmth was on my skin. Nothing felt wrong though, I felt quite...comfortable. Like I could sleep like this. But I was getting brighter and brighter, to the point where I had to close my eyes to protect them. What is happening to me? I clasped my hands together. My temperature stayed the same, lulling me more and more into a sleepy state, despite my panicked mind. Sleep...

After some time though, I was able to regain my senses. I can’t stay like this. I needed to help Anthony, as unrealistic a thought as it seemed. Focusing on what needed to be done, I risked a glance....and was shocked. My yellow aura was no longer in me; it was also around me. I looked around frantically. I was encased in a yellowish bubble, of sorts. All I could see was that one colour everywhere, not being able to see through it. “Anthony? Somebody? ANYBODY!” Then I listened. I couldn’t hear anything. Okay, now is a good time to panic.

Nothing happened, though. After a few seconds, I decided I needed to escape my bubble prison. I stretched my hand – funny, it wasn’t hurting anymore – and touched the edge of the sphere. The second I completely pressed my hand to it, it shattered.
It was like a tiny explosion. My body was pushed backwards, knocking me into something really hard. Then everything went black.

* * * * * * *

I came to with a loud groan. My head hurt and my muscles ached. Really badly. I brought a hand to my temples and massaged them. Then I cracked open my eyes. I was in someone’s bed and it definitely wasn’t my own!

Getting into a sitting position – after quite a few tries – I regarded the dimly lit bedroom. One queen size bed, an entertainment system, two bookcases, and a chair overloaded with closes took up most of the room. No posters, pictures and only a few selective decorations were present. Unquestionably a guy’s room.

The fact that I was elsewhere than my own home meant something really had happened. Too bad; I was hoping for it to have merely been a nightmare. Guess I wasn’t that lucky.

“Hello?” I whispered, although I wasn’t sure why. I peeled off the blankets on me, rather weakly, and got out of the bed. Again, rather weakly. I moved towards the one door but stopped when I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. Pivoting around, I looked at the woman standing a few feet away.

She was young, about my height, although with a beautiful complexion. Her hair was long in a platinum blond colour, making her grey eyes stand out. She was beautiful, even with the baggy shirt and shorts she was wearing. Who is she? I opened my mouth to ask, froze and let out a high pitched scream.

Seconds later, footsteps pounded on the floor nearby. I turned towards the door and backed up a little, just as three guys came rushing through the door. I could barely make out Anthony in front. Immediately, I raised my finger and pointed to the mirror in front of me. “What have you done to me?” I demanded, half in shock, half in anger. This isn’t right. I had strawberry blond hair up to my shoulders, not to my breasts. I had acne all over my face, this person didn’t. Sure, she had the same eyes and height as me – and was wearing the same clothes – but that couldn’t be me.

“What have you done to me?” I all but shrieked. I looked at them furiously. The two guys cringed a little, whereas Anthony seemed almost in pain.

He took a step towards me. “Please, Crys, I’ll explain everything. Just calm down, okay?” He pleaded, holding up his hands.

Calm down? Calm down? He’s crazy! He’s...No...He’s right. Being calm is good. Don’t want to hyperventilate. Stay calm for now...kill him later.

I took a few breaths, sucking in and expelling air slowly. After a minute, I focused back on them. “All right,” I said, “you explain all this to me, and it better be good.”
Last edited by Spitfire on Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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That was funny and good. I really liked it that was trully well written and you should be comended for it. Good work I saw no problems and think that it was awesomeeeee great job!!!! :elephant:
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All I can say is AWESOME. Great imagination... Although you should have described the stony rhino thingy even more. But all in all, it was great! Loved it.
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Hey Suz,

Here for a review, duh lol

except he didn’t see or hear the other one that came out from behind a couple of trees. Caught off guard, he was hit by the other beast’s
How come, if she saw the rhino, she didn't try to warn him? She saw it, couldn't she have called out to him or something?

and a chair overloaded with closes took up most of the room
Um closes? Or clothes?

Well, those were my only nitpicks. I loved the yellow-aura description and I can't wait to read the next chapter...Pm me! Love you xxx




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Hey there! Review time!

I really liked this chapter. It's getting into the fantasy aspect of things quickly. Stories that take nine chapters to get into any sort of action annoy me. So good job!

I do think there could be more in with the stone-rhino thing battle with the angel boy/Anthony. It is a very high action moment so try to make it feel as high action to the reader as possible. Remember to use all 5 senses when describing things and they will be so much more real for the reader.

The part where Crys sees the other girl that ends up being her was great. You didn't give away straight from the start that the other girl was actually her reflection. Nice twist, nice surprise. You better get Anthony explaining things because I want to know too! :)

Great job, keep writing!

-Lauren
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Hi, here to review. :)

I held back a desperate cry of aggravation and desperation and closed my eyes.

You repeated desperate here, I suggest you take out the second one, there's no need for that.
“Stay here” he commanded

Comma after 'here'
Remember correct quotation mark punctuation.

I thought this chapter was really good. Your flow of things is done quite well and the story progresses fast but do take the time to go into a few details. I would have liked more Rhino/angel stuff, that part, I think, would have been better if there was more description and all.
I like the way Crys thinks, it's humorous and sarcastic, yet real.
Well, I'd like to see what kind of explanation Tony has for all this!

~Pink
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Hey again,

So here is the deal, I figure that I since I will be reading every chapter after this from on I will just tell you one positive point per a chapter because I am hooked. Sorry if this seems kind of stupid, but I don't feel like reviewing what I already know is excellent.

Good job on this chapter I really like the flow. Cant she just shape shift back to normal?
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Hey! I'm really liking where you're going with this story! I really can't find anything to pick at, just a bit about your punctuation.

WritingSpitfire wrote:“Stay herecomma” he commanded.


He took a step towards me. “Please, Crys, I’ll explain everything. Just calm down, okay?” Hhe pleaded, holding up his hands.


Keep an eye on your capitalization and commas/periods.

Oh God, please help him. “Somebody!” Won’t work. I need to help him! What am I going to do? Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ineedhelpsomebody! Pleasesomebodypleasehelpme!


I know you're trying to convey a frenzied, frantic train of thought, but merging all the words together doesn't really work here. You could explain that her thoughts grew more rapid the more panicky she got, or something like that.


Overall, you've written it very well and I can't wait for more! :D
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