Dawn & Dusk Preface

My voice sounded loud in the quiet night, piercing it as if tiny needles were popping balloons.

"I wasn't supposed to do something that I have done" I looked at him, and after a moment I asked, "What's that?"

I sat there astonished that Cameron wasn't saying anything. I gasped aloud, and said "So I'm right? You are my guardian angel?" My voice sounded loud in the quiet night, piercing it as if tiny needles were popping balloons. I like the imagery here. It gets across how the character is feeling.



When Cameron spoke, his voice was quiet, I had to strain to hear it. "Yes, Lilith, I am." Pretty name!



His seemingly bottomless midnight blue eyes were boring into mine.Good vocab. Puts the picture in the reader's mind. My heart felt like it was going to leap into my throat, I wanted to kiss him right there, but I knew that I couldn't.Intense, gives the reader a sense that they knew each other before this. Very thought-provoking.



After what seemed like forever, he spoke. "I wasn't supposed to do something that I have done."Hmm. This sentence is kind of unclear, it maybe you should replace it with something like: "I wasn't supposed to do what just happened." That reads better, and it's more clear for the reader. It's up to you, though. I looked at him, and after a moment I asked, "What's that?"



"I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you." He said.He leaned in (just a suggestion), and our lips met.I love this ending. Very romantic.

His seemingly bottomless midnight blue eyes were boring into mine.