Im Finally me.

Among all the kids,
so invisible
nobody stares,
nobody cares,
I can finally be myself.
theres nothing to worry about
just me and the clear blue sky
_______________________________________
thanks for reading
this is about me not being accepted in catholic schools for 8 years, then moving to a new school and being acceped. I actually wrote this while sitting in a park, hence the "among all the kids" part

Ok, I like this. It is really short though, it seems just a beggining to me. It has no story why are you alone, why doesn't anyone care? If it has no story its just a bunch of lines placed together with no meaning. Add more and make it go with what you wrote under it make the reader understand. Ok I am done ranting haha.


-Flower-

This is nice. Short and sweet, which seems to be your style. But you say you wrote this at the park, well, I think it could be even better if you tell us in the poem that you're in the park - what are the kids doing, is it pretty, is it hot, etc. You mentioned the sky, and I would just like to see a little more of that imagery, to give an even more care-free feeling.

Hello, there!

In your title you have "Im finally me"; I just want to point out that you're using the contracted form of I am, so it should be I'm.


I think that you have a pretty good start here, but for the moment's killing, I cannot see where it's going. I'm not sure of the significance of the blue sky and you, and I could come up with a trifold of things to fill out that symbolism, but that would defeat the point, right? I want you to make this image clearer, dear. Show us the how and the why of the things in this poem. You don't have to make it an elaborate shower of words and play, just make it live.

June

Hey again!

Another short, sweet gem of writing you have here! The structure and flow of your poetry is always a crowd pleaser and it doesn't let us down here. We can read this at ease and fluency and I enjoy that. It has effect and narrates a story with quick vivid imagery and it leaves its mark on the reader so there's another plus point.
One thing I would nitpick is your ending, I'd would've loved it so much if you'd ended it like this:

Among all the kids,
so invisible
nobody stares,
nobody cares,
I can finally be myself.
tTheres nothing to worry about
just me and the clear blue sky.
I'm finally me.

That would've been fabulous but at the moment I think this poem is lacking that fabulous round off you give your others.
Anyway lovely once again!
Keep it up!
Ben.

So short, so short.

I think you have a good base for something larger here.

In the title, you explain that you are finally you. but you don't really explain that. You are saying how you got to being you, but you don't tell me what you were before, or what you are now. And those are the two things I am actually interested in.

I think you should continue with this.

Classy

Cute poem! I totally understand what you mean. Sometimes it's good to be invisible. You really captured a lot in just a few words, and that's awesome.My only problem was the very last 2 lines.

theres nothing to worry about
just me and the clear blue sky

That should be:

There's nothing to worry about-
just me and the clear blue sky.

and I don't like the "clear blue sky" part.You can think of something better!

nice job overall!

--Dreamy