Life: A Game of Tag

Life: A Game of Tag
AS we are born
we chase
every breath
a chase
every
heart beat
AS toddlers
we chase
toys and
new steps
undertaken
AS children
we chase
each other
in friendship
and love
IN our teens
we chase
schoolwork
wind
and the latest fashions
IN college
we chase
jobs
courtship
and right decisions
AS parents
we chase
fat happy babies
demanding children
and demanding jobs
AS elders
we chase
grand children
our children's
children
we play
a game of tag
with death
and
finally
he wins.
I hoped y'all liked it!

I enjoyed that very much!

Just a couple of comments...

Where you capitalize AS or IN is a cool effect, but since you use both, it doesn't seem as as neat as if you had only used one and made a pattern. You could say "AS teenagers" and "AS adults (or young adults)".

I liked this line:

AS parents
we chase
fat happy babies

It just made me think of this adorable round smiling baby. It's a cute image.

College is spelled with an "e", not an "a."

Overall, neat concept. I liked this poem.
Keep writing!
~Ryllie

I liked this but the line AS children we chase each other in friendship and love, I think the love doesn't really fit, because when I was like 10 I never chased anyone for love. I think you should put love somewhere into the teenagers part. This was a really nice poem but the end was kind of anti-climatic. Then he wins? Change that to something a bit more dramatic.

Overall, Nice poem I liked this alot!

~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writing, Insanity and Chocolate

Hello!

Interesting poem here! I think it's pretty neat how some of the lines serve as beginnings for one thought and the start of another. In some spots, that did become a little confusing, but for the most part, this went on well. Do organize your thoughts, though, and try not to mix them up too much. This may do better if it were broken down into stanzas.

Collage should be college; assuming you mean university.

June

I love this, it is so cool!

Dear peeps,
Thanks for your comments! Also, how did you guys get those pictures?

Hello, Siona!!

That was stellar! . The only thing that I saw that no one else nit-picked is:

AS we are born
we chase
every breath
a chase
every
heart beat

I think you might mean "and chase" instead of "a chase." I think it would sound fine if you just said "...we chase every breath and every heartbeat." Just me personally, though. Oh, and I think heartbeat should be one word.

Well done!! *Presses Like button* .
~~Lee-Anna

Hello!

As others I liked it, I was a bit dissapointed with the end though. 'He wins' seemed a bit anit-climatic. You could put something really dramatic in here for the end. Other than this I loved it, it was really original. I have to say I have never thought of life as a game of tag before but I could still relate to your ideas...weird but cool. Anyways, well done!

Keep Writing
~Lydia

By gum, a good poem. I can't really comment but this was excellent.+

Hi, your poem is very nice, describing life as a game of tag, who would have thought of that?
Well, anyways, I had a few problems with it:
1) The way you've written it, with about two words per line, disrupts the smoothness of the poem, and denies the reader the option of mellowing out and simply reading, which I find rather annoying.
2)

we chase
every breath
a chase
every
heart beat

It's kind of stuck in there, and it simply stops the whole "flow" of the poem, the poem would be better off without it.
Except for those two comments, I believe it is a nice poem with an interesting view,
sincerely, ab5986.