The Junior Accountant Chp.2

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Here is the second part of my story, ENJOY! Its not very long, but reasonable.
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Chapter 2

Jason had nothing to say, and even if he did it would come out of mouth as gibberish. Jason couldn’t place a finger on it, but there was something about this girl he really likes. He really was not sure. She looked back at him awkwardly and wondered why Jason was so confused. She swiftly lifted up a finger and opened her mouth, about to speak. She stumbled for a second, as she saw Jason's face twist suddenly.
"Excuse you, are you Carl James?" she said shyly. Jason would have choked on his drink if he had one at his surprise. He cursed who ever Carl James was until realized that it was his boss, the senior accountant, nevertheless he still continued to curse him. Jason frowned and scowled.
"And who might you be?" he asked rudely. The woman looked as if she had actually heard the words Jason said in his mind. Her eyebrows suddenly twitched and then threw her damp hair back to so her face completely.
"For your information, I'm going to be the new senior editor, Sarah Banks. And guess what? I might be your boss because I bet that you are the dull junior accountant everyone is talking about. So I recommend you don’t use that tone with me." She replied in the same amount of rudeness Jason did. Jason froze for a second, the thought was unbelievable, and Jason was not use to unbelievable thoughts. Jason, again, had one of those moments where to quickly skim through your life and wonder what you've been missing out on. For the first time in eight years Jason saw what he really have been missing out, and decided to change that once and for all. He thought that she should use a different approach.
"Err..." He stumbled purposely."I'm very sorry for the way I was talking previously, please sit down. I am really bad at first impressions, please accept my apologies." Jason said in the most polite voice he can offer. Sarah didn’t seem to notice the difference, but only nodded. She sternly stared at Jason as if she was expecting something else.
"Oh, and Carl is right over there" Jason said a little less impressive as last time pointing with his thumb to the office behind him. Sarah raised her chin high and stamped away to the next office block. The moment she left Jason staring banging his head on the table regretting what he said to her. When he finally stopped there was a huge red bulge on his temple. It looks like there is no other chance but to impress her than what I have already did. But before he could impress her he should have to know what she likes, and this is where the spying begins. Jason Polimer was exceptionally good in spying.
*******
The next day Jason woke up so fresh and happy he danced all the way to the bathroom, only to pee. But today, he abandoned his old routine and started going by his guts. Before even changing his clothes he grabbed his wallet and slippers and ran outside the front door. He was fortunate that alongside his building was a small mall where many teenagers hang out. Polimer really didn't like those kids but for change's sake he said "Hi" to each one of them. Some of them replied, some didn’t and some just called him bad words. He head straight to the cash withdrawal machine and checked his balance. He wasn't surprised when he had seen 2.3 million dollars on his account, and he quickly withdrew 5000 dollars to go find himself a Giorgio Armani suit for a fresh new start at work.
The dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did. -- T.E Lawrence




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Hey, it's Leza again. ^^

Okay, for starters, the paragraphs aren't clumped together, so that's good. I also noticed that you kept your attention towards meticulous details. Well done. But the grammar is still off-key, and so is the tense. The story is supposed to be written in the past tense, but I noticed that it often switched to the present, and this can be quite irritating for the reader. Remember - you're trying to draw the reader into the story and create an illusion for them. And present tenses in a past tense story can be problematic, so please keep a-clear of that.

Other than my rancid and repetitive criticism, you're off with a good start, so well done.

Robyn.
I am the workingman, the inventor, the maker of the world's food and clothes.
I am the audience that witnesses history.
- Carl Sandburg, I am the People, the Mob




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Thanks Robyn :D
The dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did. -- T.E Lawrence




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My corrections in red.Asterisks mean I got rid of something.

Jason had nothing to say, and even if he did it would come out of mouth as gibberish. Jason couldn’t place a finger on it, but there was something about this girl he really like. * She looked back at him awkwardly and wondered why he was so confused. She swiftly lifted up a finger and opened her mouth, about to speak. She stumbled for a second, as she saw Jason's face twist suddenly.
"Excuse you, are you Carl James?" she said shyly. Jason would have choked on his drink if he had one *. He cursed whoever Carl James was until realized that it was his boss, the senior accountant. Nevertheless he still continued to curse him. Jason frowned and scowled.
"And who might you be?" he asked rudely. * Her eyebrows suddenly twitched and then threw her damp hair back to show her face completely.
"For your information, I'm going to be the new senior editor, Sarah Banks. And guess what? I might be your boss because I bet that you are the dull junior accountant everyone is talking about. So I recommend you don’t use that tone with me." She replied with the same amount of rudeness Jason had used.* Jason, again, had one of those moments where you quickly skim through your life and wonder what you've been missing out on. For the first time in eight years Jason saw that he really had been missing out, and decided to change that once and for all. He tried a different approach.
"Err..." He stumbled purposely."I'm very sorry for the way I was talking previously, please sit down. I am really bad at first impressions, please accept my apologies." Jason said in the most polite voice he could offer. Sarah didn’t seem to notice the difference, but * nodded. She sternly stared at Jason as if she were expecting something else.
"Oh, and Carl is right over there" Jason said, * less politey than last time, pointing with his thumb to the office behind him. Sarah raised her chin high and stamped away to the next office block. The moment she left Jason started banging his head on the table (this seems a little out of character), regretting what he had said to her. When he finally stopped there was a huge red bulge on his temple. It looks like there's no other way to impress her than what I've already tried, Jason thought. But before he could impress her, he would have to know what she liked, and this was where the spying began. Jason Polimer was exceptionally good in spying.
*******
The next day Jason woke up so fresh and happy he danced all the way to the bathroom, but this time, only to pee. Today, he abandoned his old routine and started going by his guts. Before even changing his clothes, he grabbed his wallet and slippers and ran outside the front door. He was fortunate that alongside his building was a small mall where many teenagers hung out. Polimer really didn't like those kids but for change's sake he said "Hi" to each one of them. Some of them replied, some didn’t and some just called him bad words. He headed straight to the cash withdrawal machine and checked his balance. He wasn't surprised when he saw 2.3 million dollars on his account, and he quickly withdrew 5000 dollars to go buy a Giorgio Armani suit-- and to get a fresh start at work.


Well, this was better than the last. You really need to fix your tenses. Nice work.

--Dreamy :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Honey, you should see me in a crown.



As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— TypoWithoutCoffee