The White Knight Chapter Three Part C Utofamia's Beginnings

10 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4360
Reviews 32
Maria walked slowly to a tree and slumped down to the ground, resting her back against the tree. She took her helmet off her head and set it next to her on the ground. Wiping the sweat from her head, she thought, "Why did I even agree to do this?"
The days started out with a run through the hunting grounds. While she was used to running, she had to do this while wearing chain mail. Normally a fast runner when she ran on the cross-country track team, Maria ran considerably slower because of the extra weight. "You never know when you have to retreat during a battle," Osandria reminded her. "When you must run, you have to go as fast as you can. You can not always rely on having a horse."
While Osandria became her friend, she was brutal to Maria during the day's training. "You need to build up your strength," she kept reminding her. "You will not hold a sword long with those puny arms of yours." Then she would have Maria do push-ups and other physical activities. "When you get stronger, you can wear plate armor. It was funny what the others did to you."
When Maria started the training, the knights jokingly had her try on plate armor. However, this was too heavy for her to move in. Geoffrey broke out laughing, when he saw her struggling to move a few steps. "Most females wear chain mail because it is lighter. I even prefer chain mail because I move easier."
The rest of the time, Maria was trained in learning the skills of both the Knights and the Kingsbane. She was taught how to ride a horse while holding a spear. This was hard at first because she had problems in keeping the spear steady while riding. Eventually, she was able to do this but still could not unseat her opponent. She was also taught to fight while standing on the ground with a sword. "You have been slain," she heard many times from her opponent when she did not protect herself with the shield in time. At least, it was not as tough for her when Jeffrey taught her the skills of a Kingsbane. She found herself that she was very good at archery. Unfortunately, the king already had enough Kingsbane. There was a severe shortage in knights.
A week into the training, Maria was ready to give up. She had just fallen from her horse for the twentieth time. Every muscle and bone ached in her body. She was exhausted. She was required to read up on some of Utofamia's history, but was not able to do so. She barely had the strength to climb into her bed each night, too tired to even think about the next day.
"I agreed to do this for how long?" she thought miserably to herself. "Maybe I should tell Sir Peter that this was a mistake. It is evident that I was not made to be a knight. Maybe I can stay at the castle and work to stay here." She put her head in her arms and closed her eyes.
Somebody sat down next to her. She looked up. It was Geoffrey. "I know what you are feeling," he said.
"Oh really you do?"
"I understand. I was frustrated when I first began. I did not think I would make it. Believe me; it gets easier as the training progresses."
"I feel like I have been run over by a semi," Maria groaned.
"A what?"
"Never mind; let's just say I think I have been trampled by a pack of horses. I hurt all over; it even hurts when I think."
Geoffrey put an arm reassuringly over her shoulder. "I think you are doing great."
"Are you serious?"
"I am. I see you picking up on the skills quickly. Some of these knights took a lot longer to learn what you did."
"I am just so tired. I have not even had the chance to do any of the reading the king wants me to do."
"I have already talked to Osandria. She has agreed to let you have a couple of days off from the training. She knows you need some rest. She is also pleased with your progress. Just rest a little and after lunch meet me in the library."
*************************************
"Do you expect me to read all this?" Maria asked in surprise at the pile of books on the table.
"Just do the best you can," Geoffrey said. "It actually looks like a lot. However, if you notice, the writing is very large. You can probably get through the first book in no time at all." Maria opened the book and saw that Geoffrey was right.
"Just read until it is time for to eat." He left Maria alone in the library with the pile of books in front of her. She picked up the first volume of The History of Utofamia and began reading.
************************************
Chapter One
Of the Beginning of Beginnings

In the beginning there was nothing, just Rem. He was walking one day but could not see a thing. It was dark. In the distance he saw an immense brightness. He decided to explore what this brightness was. Eventually he reached it, yet he still could not see because it was too bright.
"What are you that blinds me so? I can not see in the darkness, yet you make it impossible for me to see so."
"I am the sun," the brightness replied. "I provide light so you can see."
Rem shielded his eyes with his hand. This provided a shade where he was able to make out the outline of the land.
This is was we need for the darkness. Let half of this brightness be given to the darkness...” As soon as he said these words, it was done. Then he was able to see. However, the land was ruined. The land of the constant light was scorched and dry, while the other half had poor and undeveloped growth because of the constant darkness.
"This land is ruined," Rem thought to himself. "It will take a long time to restore it. Right now, it is nothing more than a void."
When he thought this, Rem smiled to himself. The beginning of an idea began to form in his head. However, he still had to work on problems before starting on the plan.
One problem was with the sun. Even though the darkness prevented the land from continuous light, the sun still parched the land severely. As Rem walked along under the glare of the sun of day, pondering what to do, he tripped on a rock and rolled down a hill. He rolled right into a lake. Upon getting out of the water, Rem noticed how cool and refreshed he felt. Then he realized that he might have found a solution.
"If I take some of this water and sprinkle it around this land every few days, maybe it might solve the problem."
And it was done. The occasional wetness helped cool the land and allow vegetation to grow. Rem saw that it was good and called this dampness rain.
One day, as Rem was walking along, he came across a hole. It was so black that he could not see the bottom of it. Very carefully, he climbed into it and began to descend. After a long time he reached the bottom-if it could be called a bottom. Looking through it, he saw nothing all around. Then his idea developed more.
He said, "Let this land that I am presently standing on be called The Void. Let many black holes appear in this land. These will lead to different worlds."
This was done and Rem was pleased.
Then he went to each of the different worlds. At each one he said, "Let there be vegetation and let it be healthy." He gave each world part of the sunlight and darkness. He provided rain for each of these lands and vegetation grew.
Rem looked down on these worlds and smiled in satisfaction. Then it faded from his face. Then he realized what the problem was.
He said, "Let a person to rule each land, appear in my image before me."
This was done and men appeared before Rem. He looked upon them and yawned.
"This will not do," Rem said to himself. "It is boring to have all these men look exactly alike. I will change the appearance of each, with the exception of one. He will remain in my image."
Rem waved his hands. The men fell to the ground and slept. Rem walked to each of them and changed their appearances and gave each a name. Finally, he came to the last man.
This will be the one who will remain in my image. His name will be Bellerophon."
And they awakened. And Rem called them together and spoke to them. He told them how they came to be. He told them about the different worlds.
He said, "Each of you has a responsibility to rule a world. You will be given the power to create things in your world. Use your choices wisely."
Then he said, "Let a mate be created for each man, so that many offspring can be produced."
This was done and Rem saw that it was good.
Bellerophon looked upon his mate and saw she was beautiful. He said, "Your name shall be Romana Marlena."
Then Rem said, "Depart. Go to your worlds. I shall aid you all."
The men and their mates departed. They set about to create their own worlds.
Then Rem said, "Make it possible for people from different worlds to visit each other."
This was done and Rem saw the progress of the worlds.
************************
Bellerophon came to his land. He looked upon it and then turned to Romana Marlena.
"I wish that I did not have this responsibility. I do not even know how to start."
His wife looked upon him. "We can leave the world as it is. It is perfect the way it is."
So for some time Bellerophon and Romana Marlena lived by themselves. They were happy. However, he got bored.
He said to his wife, "It is not right to have all this to ourselves. We must bear children. Before that, we must find out how to feed all of them. We have fruit, but that might not be enough. I will visit other worlds and get ideas."
So Bellerophon departed and visited several worlds. He discovered many forms of animals.
He said, "Let a male and female form of each animal appear in my world. Let them be able to breed and multiply. These animals will provide meat for my people. Let there be unique animals too, so our world is different than the other worlds." Therefore, the first unicorns and centaurs appeared.
This was done. Then Bellerophon went back to his land.
Then Bellerophon said to Romana Marlena, "We shall bear children. And our children shall do likewise."
Children were born and the first men occupied the land.
Then Bellerophon said, "The name of this land shall be called Utofamia. In some of the other worlds, the people age; let the people of my land stop aging at thirty years. Death will only come to them from illness or when great harm is brought upon them.
"Let the land where Romana Marlena and I live be known as the Realm of Bellerophon. Any people or animals that are killed will be brought back to life here."
This was done. Utofamia became populated.
Bellerophon was satisfied in his progress for a while. Then he had a yearning to do more for the land.
He turned to Romana Marlena. "I want this world to be the best. I will visit other worlds and get more ideas.
Romana Marlena noticed the look in his eyes. It was the first signs of greed she had seen. She did not like it. "Why don't you just leave Utofamia the way it is? It is perfect. The people are happy. There is peace."
"It is not enough. I will never be satisfied knowing that other worlds are better than mine. I will depart for a short while. Keep things in order here."
And so Bellerophon departed. He visited a few lands and saw no difference in them. Then he decided to visit one more land before returning to Utofamia.
Bellerophon walked along the void until he came across a hole that was separated from the others. He decided to see what this world was like and stepped into the world. He found himself in a forest that was degenerating due to a lack of care.
Bellerophon was about to leave, feeling that Utofamia was better than this world. Then all of a sudden he heard horses' hooves pounding on the ground. He looked towards the direction where he had heard the sounds. As he expected, he saw many horses. However, he saw men riding them. What was surprising was that the men were encased in some type of red metal.
Bellerophon's curiosity got the better of him. For days he observed these men. He kept out of sight of the ruler and his mate. Finally, he found out what was happening. These men were known as knights. The metal they wore was called armor. The ruler, Lucius, and his wife, Melisande, were training these knights to be great fighters. They were planning the conquest of other worlds.
Bellerophon decided to return to Utofamia. He decided not to allow his land to be conquered by the Red Knights. Upon returning to Utofamia, he divided the land into the eastern and western halves. A kingdom for each half was established. He made it mandatory for the people to serve either ruler. Through years of hard training, the people became great warriors.
Bellerophon was not satisfied with their fighting abilities. He felt that they did not get enough. Then he decided to have the two kingdoms wage wars against each other. Sure many deaths would be involved. However, it was necessary, according to Bellerophon, to have the inexperienced and unskilled fighters be killed off. He felt that an army of competent fighters would defeat the Red Knights.
Then different types of armor were made for the two kingdoms. The eastern half of Utofamia wore white armor and the western half wore black. The two groups of knights were informally known as the White and Black Knights. The formal names told which kings they served under-which were the Knights of King Daniel for the eastern half, and the Knights of King LeRoy of the Western Half.
Romana Marlena was saddened by the death of so many.
"It must be done," Bellerophon said. "Besides, the ones who die will live with us in our Realm."
*********************************
Rem looked down of the lands and saw what was happening. He was satisfied with the work of some rulers. However, he did not like what he saw in some of the lands. He noticed in some of the lands, the rulers did not care and these lands began to degenerate. Then in other worlds, the people were going through a lot of pain. This Rem did not like. He had to put a stop to this.
So Rem visited the worlds. And it came to pass that he arrived at Utofamia.
"What is this?” he said angrily to Bellerophon. "Have you been overcome by greed, having many people die for your cause?"
"Have you any idea that these men are training to protect themselves from those Red Knights?"
"If you had not interfered, I would have destroyed that world. Now I know what to do. You must be punished for your acts."
"What is wrong for training people to fight?"
"Nothing; however, your ways are wrong. Children, just barely able to stand, have swords in their hands. You force the people to be knights. You must be punished. Some time from now, whether it will either be a short time or a long time I will make uncertain, the Red Knights will invade Utofamia. Your punishment will not go eternally. Your knights will be able to defeat them in the end. You knights will be allowed to train only if they want to. If the people would rather want to live a normal life, you must let them live in peace. You will find that many people will still serve your world as knights.
"You are a stubborn man. This punishment is not enough; you will not heed my warning. Therefore, your wife Romana Marlena will be punished also. Then you will be willing to obey me."
"No! Not my wife! Please! Have mercy on her! She tried talking me out of doing this. She must not be punished because of my wrong doings."
"She will be punished. However, it will not be eternal. Do you remember Melisande?"

"Melisande is an evil sorceress. She has a lot of power. She will be the cause of the Red Knights invasion. What I plan to do with Romana Marlena is have Melisande invade her body. For some time your wife will be known as Melisande. She will be very evil and will have no recollection of her goodness."
"You must not do this to her!"
"It is my will. This will be done. However, the spell will not be eternal. A visitor from another world, not from the ones that I created, will be able to drive the evil from Romana Marlena and restore her goodness. The visitor will not know how to end this evil; He or she will have to find a way."
With that Rem departed. Bellerophon ran to find Romana Marlena, but it was too late. Melisande had taken possession of the body. She looked at Bellerophon and let out an evil laugh.

"Romana Marlena! Bellerophon moaned. "What have I done?" He then turned and ran, weeping as he ran.
**********************************
Maria closed her book. The light was failing inside the library. She looked out the window. She must have been reading for a long time, because the sun was almost set. Sir Peter entered the room.
"How is the reading?"
"This history is interesting. I read the first chapter, telling of the creation of Utofamia and the downfall of Bellerophon. I did not realize that he was such a bad ruler."
"He is not a bad ruler. He is loved by most people. He was young then and scared of so much responsibility. He learned his lesson; alas, it was too late."
"What happened between him and Romana Marlena?"
"She is now referred to as Melisande. She is the cause of evil in this world. She caused the invasion of the Red Knights. To this day she remains her evil self.
"As for Bellerophon, he was very distraught over what had become of his wife. After he got over his grief, he set about helping people. Many people remained knights and others went to live more peaceful lives. He lives on the land with people. He had the power to change into any animal form he had created. Then he traveled the land to find answers to his problems. He then set aside a group of people called the Wise Ones. They currently reside in the Great Desert of Utofamia. These people collect knowledge from Bellerophon and Rem throughout the years. It has been said these men aged because of all the knowledge they have."
Maria though about something she had read. "Am I supposed to be the person to stop Melisande?"
"It is hard to say. It is possible since you are from a different world. However, if you are that person, it is your choice whether to help the land or not. You can not be forced to fight and destroy Melisande."
"I will tell you what I will do. I will continue training to be a fighter. However, if I want to quit, you can not prevent me from doing so; I will refuse to train."
"I understand. Just remember when you get used to this training, it will become easier. You are doing well for a beginner. Also, if you are the person Rem has chosen, the training may be easier for you."
Last edited by writewannabe on Thu May 06, 2010 7:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2675
Reviews 43
Wow great job. The history is sad! :( Especially since she had done nothing wrong.
The story is coming along fantastically. I'll keep reading, definately. Keep at it. Maybe if you added more details of her fighting and failing time and time again (I think it'd be cute if she fought Geoffery and lost and then after training started to help her they fought again and after a long struggle she ends up beating him! :D just an idea, sorry!)
Your story really gets my mind going, so thanks!

Peace
~*~fairygirl~*~
“"Up is down"? Well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful.”
~Jack Sparrow, At Worlds End




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4360
Reviews 32
that is a great idea! It can add so much more to the story.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 19723
Reviews 225
Okay, well I'm really enjoying this story so far.

Like fairygirl said though, I'd add more detail to her training and all... Also, I'd be careful of the too-easy-going story. The story's good, but everything is just too easy so far, I mean the MC accepts, without a problem, that she's in another world and that she might be the person of a prophecy and all. It just doesn't sound realistic. In her shoes, I'd be excited, in a sense, but most of all, I'd be scared shitless!

Anyways, just my thoughts, up to you to do what you want :wink:
Got a story you'd like reviewed?
topic75101.html

Punctuation is the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma".




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4360
Reviews 32
Thank you. When I first wrote this, I tried to make Maria believe that she was just dreaming. However, it just did not turn out right. This has about seventeen chapters. Once I get them posted over the next few weeks, I will go back and work on the choppy parts. I like the idea where Maria and Geoffrey battle against each other.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2358
Reviews 42
I however disagree with having Maria beat Geoffrey. It doesn't make sense, even for the 'chosen one'. Training in a weapon is a very long arduous process, and it is never easy. So far you have done a good job, but she would have blisters from the sword, the inside of her arm would hurt from the bow string slapping it, the insides of her legs would be rubbed raw from riding horses, and there may even pains in her knees from running and falling so much. It would lend so much to your story to make it a little more realistic. For this reason she wouldn't be able to beat Geoffrey. He's been training for years, and even though it isn't his strength it would still be impossible for a novice with 'natural talent' to beat him.

If you need more information on this aspect, or anything else dealing with war/training I'd be glad to help. Just PM me.

Other than that the story is going well. Im off to read the next chapters and see whats going to happen.
Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4360
Reviews 32
I actually was going to start the book where Maria was in the military and she was fighting in a war. Then she ends up in Utofamia after getting shot. But I scrapped the idea because it was too sensitive because of the war in Iraq. Then I decided to change it where she was wondering about her parents and her twin sister and trying to locate them. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the rest.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4360
Reviews 32
The idea of Maria being in the military may help her adapt easily to being a knight.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 30301
Reviews 770
Yikes! I forgot to say hi in the previous chapter! So, Hi! :D

Maria walked slowly to a tree and slumped down to the ground, resting her back against the tree.
'Tree' here is repetitive and really stands out

While she was used to running, she had to do this while wearing chain mail.
Why are they making her practice with chain mail already? They want her to tough it out from the beginning?

Just read until it is time for to eat." He left Maria alone in the library with the pile of books in front of her. She picked up the first volume of The History of Utofamia and began reading
How it is the book written? Is it an old dusty book? Is it obviously cared for?

and called this dampness rain.
Put the word rain like this: 'rain'

Bellerophon looked upon his mate and saw she was beautiful. He said, "Your name shall be Romana Marlena."
Why is he the only one who outwordly names his mate? Because he is more special? What about the others?

"Romana Marlena! Bellerophon moaned. "What have I done?" He then turned and ran, weeping as he ran
Again 'ran' is too repetitive.

Maria though about something she had read
thought

Okay now. I really like this story, liked how to integrated the history. Please take in careful consideration what Riderofdamar said, I find it would enhance your tale.

Also, I would like to know more about Melisande. She was someone's mate -Lucius- and now she has invaded Romana's body. How? With her spirit? Her soul? If yes, where is her body? What about Romana? Is she now living with Lucius? Slightly confused and it would be good to speak about this.

I would like to know if my critiques/reviews are helpful to you or only annoying. I can't continue to the next chapter right now but will do so as soon as I can.

Keep writing!! Tanya :D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4360
Reviews 32
Thanks for the critique and that is a good question. I don't know how Melisande invaded her body. I guess her spirit or mind. When I am done with the rest of the chapters, I will go back and edit.



cron
Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe