Great Minds Think Alike

Great minds think alike they say,
How all our thoughts are all the same,
I work to figure out the code,
Only to see they’ve found my gold.
-
It’s all new to us, a way to be great,
How I wish I wasn’t so late,
That I could be the first to say,
These wonderful thoughts that have come my way.
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Everything I think has been thought,
Ruining the recognition I have sought,
I strive to be the first to say,
“This revolution shall begin today.”
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Alas, I keep my pensive mind
From crossing over the border line,
I’ll just keep thinking til’ the day I die,
As vividly as the night-time sky.

This was AWESOME! I like how you worded it...great work!

My impression of the first stanza is that you tried too hard to make it rhyme, and that it needs proper punctuation. The lack of the latter obscures the meaning, and I had to reread the first stanza several times before I got what I think you meant it to mean.

In the rest of the poem, the rhyme feels more natural, but the rhythm is off, especially in the second line of the third stanza, and you toss in lines that seem to come out of nowhere subject-wise (like the last line in particular). Proper punctuation would also help as, with the first stanza, I had to reread a couple times before the meaning became clear.

As vividly as the night-time sky.

I really like this line. It really ties everything that you are saying together. I would like you to end with the 'great minds think alike' theme, though. Like, maybe saying something about how you both think as vivid as the knight sky? Because you talk about two minds, in the beginning and drift to one at the end. So I think you should rethink that.

Overall, I really liked this. Keep writing.

Classy

Classy what I meant with that line I'd that I'll keep trying for something new. I doubt Socrates or Edison or any other of those figures could still think anyway, if you catch my drift

Hel-loooo Tim! June here!

This poem has lots of potential, but I'm afraid you haven't maximized your ability yet. The rhyme wasn't so bad, although I'm scarcely a fan of any rhyme, so I'll just bypass that. At any rate! I think that you shouldn't use such narrative verbal terms such as "they say", because even though they help you tell a story, they restrain you, hold you back from your full potential, when you really need to be a raging storm of amazingness.


Aside from the narrative bits, I like your word choice! (But then again, I'm all for bigger words ) And, I think that you need to use MORE imagery -- the last line about the night is a wonderful image, and I think you need to add more, dear; it'll bring this poem to life, and give something for the audience to relate this to, and probably make a better poem on the whole. Just, take a moment and read through this, preferably aloud, and make sure if flows how you would want it to.

If there's anything more I can do for youuu, PM me.

June

Hey there!

I think you need to work on the first stanza of your poem and bring some more vivid imagery into it and create that grip or emotional effect that draws someone into your poem.
Rhythm wise I thought it was flawless, I can read this out loud very comfortably and be happy with what I'm saying. It's easy to follow and understand which is brilliant and as the poem grows on, your narration gets better and better. Unlike Juni, I think that your use of "they say" in the narration is beautifully effective so you have a split opinion here However you're bound to get these types of responses with poetry, it's only natural!

As classy has pointed out this poem is ended perfectly and I adore it, just fix-up your beginning.

Ben.