Writing Challenge 11/07 Kurt Wagner Parent Night

5 posts
Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1823
Reviews 665
Okay this is me first try at something like this.

"This is Colin Summers with today news. A frightened Headmaster told us about an interesting Parents Night recently. We've asked him to remember it."

*The Headmaster begins to reaccount the exprience*

"Hello Mrs an Mr Wagner I'm Mr Baker Kurt Year Head he explained."

"Hello you told us that it was important for us to come to this replied Mr Wagner."

"Yes... well it is because Kurt seems to not know how serious the problem of truancy is he implied."

*Mr and Mrs Wagner take a seat, an both have worried looks on their faces*

"Well want me to explain, because he seems a bright lad, sometimes he actually looks blue, anyway this truancy only started recently, Kurt would ask to go the toilet an disappear not literally......., but he would not come back, an when we send a boy to come an get him, he would come back waffling about blue demons, an frankly i think Kurt does not realize Halloween was long ago an yet he still brings his costume to school, so my suspicions are he using this costume to scare people..., an frankly we can not have that so either he grows up or we will have to exclude him he replied sternly."

*Mr and Mrs Wagner stand up*

"If that all Mr Baker may we take our leave implied Mrs Wagner."

*Suddenly Mr Baker See's Mrs Wagner skin flash blue. He rubs his eyes and her skin back to normal shade and he thinks i need to go to sleep earlier*

*When they're both out the door, Mrs Wagner morphs back into her original form a woman with blue skin*

"Looks like we need to move Kurt to a new school she whispers."

"Not again he whispered back I love you Mystique, but we can't hide him forever."

"I know she whimpers."

This appears to be another Mutant outbreak, when will the government realize the real menace...?

We have here a spokesman of the organization known as Friends of Humanity.

*The cameras moves to a seat with a middle aged man sitting back with a hat bearing the letters HOM*

"Well sir, you came here to warn us of implications of today incident."

*The man nods*

"Yes, see this is only the beginning we at the Friends of Humanity realize mutants as the real threat facing us, forget A Bombs, Commuism. Mutants are living in our neighbourhoods within our familes."

*The newannoucer leans foreward nodding*

"Well sir it appears many could call you rascist for despite there differences mutants are still human."

*The man frowns shaking his head*

"No you see Colin I'm not a rascist man, I just am trying to prevent a future threat."

*The news casters leans back in thought."

"Though Sir many could argue there is no threat and your trying to kill off a race."

*The man now looks furious*

"I bet you sir are a mutant! If not then try realize you're wrong soon before the mutants begin to enslave us."

*The newscaster sighs and turns away from HOM men*

"Well that's all the time we have for today tune in same time tommorow where we'll bring in renowned mutant expect Charles Xavier."






If nobody knows who Mystique is or who Kurt Wagner is, look up Xmen.
Last edited by deleted6 on Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:47 pm, edited 5 times in total.
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag]




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3941
Reviews 488
Goodness, it's been ages since i've seen anything xmen related..

anyhoo, my comments in green, ok?



"Hello Mrs an Mr Wagner I'm Mr Baker Kurt Year Head he alleged." quotes go after Head, I believe, so like this "..Head," he alleged. but I'm not sure alleged is the right word there, but that's up to you.

"Hello you told us that it was important for us to come to this," replied Mr Wagner." don't want quotes here

"Yes... well it is because Kurt seems to not know how serious the problem of truancy iscolor=green],"[/color] he implied." no quotes.

*Mr and Mrs Wagner take a seat, an both have worried looks on their faces* why asteriks? I've only seen that in RPs.. I would change that to [i]Mr. and Mrs. Wagner took a seat, worried looks on their faces.

"Well want me to explain, because he seems a bright lad sometimes he actually looks blue, anyway this truancy only started recently, Kurt would ask to go the toilet an disappear not literally....... but he would not come back an when we send a boy to come an get him, he would come back waffling about blue demons, an frankly i think Kurt does not realize Halloween was long ago an he still brings his costume to school....., an frankly we can not have that so either he grows up or we will have to exclude him he replied calmly." pardon? this last bit made very little sense.. could you clarify, please?

*Mr and Mrs Wagner stand up*

"If that all Mr Baker may we take our leave implied Mrs Wager."

*Suddenly Mr Baker See's Mrs Wagner with blue skin, an then rubs his eyes an thinks i need to go to sleep earlier*

*When they're both out the door, Mrs Wagner morphs back into her original form a woman with blue skin*

"Looks like we need to move Kurt to a new school she whispers."

"Not again he whispered back I love you Mystique, but we can't hide him forever."

"I know she whimpers."




the run-ons and lack of puncuation make this very confusing. please go back and add that in where you need it. The story can work, but not as is.
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)

Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.

I <3 Rydia




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4890
Reviews 516
I like this. I really understood it. The only problem is that with every comment from your characters you left the "she said." or "she replied" within the quotation marks with it. Example:


"Hello Mrs an Mr Wagner I'm Mr Baker Kurt Year Head he explained."

*Whereas it's supposed to be: "Hello Mrs. and Mr. Wgner. I'm Mr. Baker Kurt, Year Head," he explained. :)

That was it besides from that I thought it was really good. Tell me if you update.

Keep it up!
~Rieda
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1215
Reviews 378
Er...shouldn't this be in the fanfiction section? I didn't really read it, but from what I saw, I agree with what the others said...interesting idea, but hard to read it because of the mistakes.

I just wanted to point out that I think this belongs in fanfic. Because it's about X-men.

~ 8)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1823
Reviews 665
Sokool Fanfiction section didn't exist when I posted this so I know it should be there now but when I post this fanfiction sec didn't exist.
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag]



Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
— Quentin Crisp