Stuck for a Title chapter 5

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This is the fith chapter of the book I've been writing, but I still don't have a title so if you have any ideas please share.
Hope you like it. :elephant:

Chapter 5-Through the Door
The next morning Sam and the others asked Gina if they could have a packed lunch so they didn’t have to come back to eat, but they didn’t tell Gina the real reason they it since they didn’t want her to ask questions or tell them that they weren’t allowed to go at all.
When Gina had made the lunch, Sam put it into her rucksack with the new torch and the five torches that they had brought with them from home.
After Sam had made sure the walkie talkie was in her pocket, she and the others left the house and followed the path that led to the door in the tree.
When they got there Sam took the new torch out of her bag and then she gave Simon and Pierce a torch each, “There’s no point in wasting all the batteries in the torches so I think we should go in single file with me at the front, Lisa behind me, Pierce behind her with his torch, then Elliot and then Si bringing up the rarer with his torch. How does that sound?”
“Great,” Simon said, “Doing that means everyone has a bit of light so we can all see where we’re walking.”
“Nice to know you agree with me Si, but what about the rest of you? What do you think?”
“I like it,” Elliot said, “But why can’t I carry the torch?”
“Because I need you to watch Pierce’s back to make sure he doesn’t muck about and drop the torch.”
“Nice one,” Simon whispered in Sam’s ear, “I think you just stopped a major falling out.”
“I like it to,” Pierce said.
“Me like it to,” Lisa said, “Put I want to stay close to Sam, I don’t want to get lost.”
“I’m sure you won’t get lost Lisa if you just follow close behind me,” Sam said looking at her little sister lovingly.
“Okay Sam. Can we go now?” Lisa said looking at the door in the tree.
“Sure Lisa. Do you want to open the door?” Sam asked but then Simon said,
“Maybe that’s not such a good idea Sam.” Sam gave him a look that said why, and the look he gave Sam said, what if it’s dangerous.
“Okay. How about I open it after we get in the order that we’re walking in?”
Everyone got into order behind Sam with Simon standing at the back, a torch in his hand. Then he said “Pierce, get your torch ready. As soon as Sam goes through the door way turn it on and follow her.”
Sam opened the door and stepped back, then when she was sure nothing was coming out of the door except rather chilly air she turned on her torch and walked into the dark passage beyond with Lisa following close behind her. Pierce turned on his torch on and was about to follow when Simon said “Hang on a minute,” as he took out a ball of string from his pocket and attached it to the inside of the door handle, “So we know which way it is to get out,” he said when Pierce gave him a confused look.
“Come on you lot,” Sam voice came from the passage, “It’s huge down here.”
“Coming. Go on Pierce, lead on.”
When the boys got into the passage they saw what Sam meant, in the light that was coming from Sam’s torch that she was swinging this way and that, they saw that the passage wasn’t really a passage but a rather large cave that had a raised pathway through the middle, and it was this pathway that Sam and Lisa where standing on.
“Wow,” Elliot breathed. He said it again, louder this time. Then, they all heard the echoes going around the cave, getting quieter every time they reached the children’s ears. “Please don’t do that Elliot,” Sam said, “We don’t know how strong the ceiling is and I’d rather not be caught in a cave in, if it’s all the same to you.”
“Okay Sam, sorry.”
“That’s okay. Come on you lot, I want to see what’s at the end of this pathway.”
“I want to find out as well. This place is so cool, I can’t wait to explore more,” Simon said as he chivvied Pierce and Elliot over to where the girls were standing.
“Well come on then, let’s explore,” Sam said walking along the rock path.
“Sam,” Lisa said as they walked, “Why did you tell us not to tell Gina about the door yesterday?”
“I told you not to tell Gina because she would have forbidden us to explore it or she might have come with us to make sure it’s safe or something that was going to make it harder for us to explore down here,” Sam said, still swinging the torch backward and forward across the cave wall.
“Oh, okay,” Lisa said looking at her feet as she walked along.
“Holy moley,” Sam suddenly said, as she left the cave.
“What is it?” Simon said from behind the others.
“I’m not sure. All of you come through and have a look and see what you think.”
“Bleeding heck, this cave is even bigger than the last one,” Simon said as he looked around, “Look, there’s another path!”
Sam looked to where Simon had pointed and saw that he was right, “Let’s follow this one as well.”
Sam walked over to the start of the path and then started to walk across it to the other side. By the time she was half way across the rocky bridge the others were just starting to cross, “Come on you lot,” she shouted back.
When they had all reached the other side they were facing the wall of the cave. “Where are we supposed to go now?”
Then Lisa piped up and said, “Why don’t we go through the door?”
“What door Lisa? I don’t see any,” Simon said looking around.
“This one silly,” Lisa said pointing to the cave wall she was standing in front of.
Sam then said, “I can’t see anything Lisa.”
“You have to stand here Sam to see it,” Lisa said moving away from the wall so Sam could stand in front of her.
“She’s right you lot, there is a door here and you do have to stand here to see it. It looks like the only way to go forward so I think we should open the door and have a look.”
“Go on then Sam, open the door already,” Simon said rocking from foot to foot in impatience.
“Okay, okay. Keep your wig on Si,” with that Sam pushed against the door and then two the others it looked like she fell straight through the wall, but in fact she had fallen through the open door.
“You guys I think you should come and have a look at this,” Sam’s voice came from behind the wall, “It’s amazing.”
“Well go on then Lisa, you next then Pierce can go, you follow him Elliot and I’ll come in behind you,” Simon said taking charge. Before he had even finished speaking Lisa had disappeared and when Simon had finished you heard her say, “Wow.” Then Pierce went through the door with Elliot following close behind. When Simon was sure they were both out of the way he stepped through the door and you heard a sharp intake of breathe as he took in the cave around him.
Only it wasn’t really a cave, not any more. Someone had turned the area they were standing in into a sitting room and beyond that, the children could see lots of other rooms through openings in the cave walls. They could see two rooms that had hammocks hanging in and through another opening they could see a cave that had been out fitted with a camping stove and had shelves covered in tins and in the middle of that room stood a stone table surrounded by five camping chairs that had seen better days.
“What is this place?” Simon asked as he took it all in, the wooden chairs that stood in the room they were in and the hammocks that he could see were five in number.
“I don’t have a clue Si, but it is amazing. I wonder who brought all this stuff down here.” Sam said standing and playing her torch over the walls.
“Sam,” Lisa said, “I can see a light switch,” and saying this she reached up and flipped the switch. There was a small buzzing sound and then a bare bulb that they had not noticed lit up above their heads.
“Well, someone obviously took a lot of time to get this place sorted out.” Sam said, still staring up at the bulb, “I wonder how they get power for the light.”
“I have about as good as an idea as you do Sam,” Simon said looking around, “Why don’t we just have a good look around all the rooms?”
“Go on then. Why don’t you three go and explore,” she said looking at her younger siblings.
Last edited by midnightread on Tue Mar 02, 2010 6:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hi. I like your work so far-just minor corrections. Some are typos.

The next morning Sam and the others asked Gina if they could have a packed lunch so they didn’t have to come back to eat, but they didn’t tell Gina the real reason they wanted a packed lunch since they didn’t want her to ask questions

Maybe you could change it to:...asked Gina if they could have a packed lunch so they didn’t have to come back to eat, but they didn’t tell Gina the real reason they wanted it since they.....so it isn't redundant.

After Sam had made sure the walkie talkie was in her pocket she and the others left the house and followed the path that led to the door in the tree.

Insert a comma afetr the word pocket.

Simon and Pierce and torch each, “There’s no point

I think it should have been a torch each. Also, replace the comma with a period or add:...each, saying, "There's no.....

“Nice to know you agree with me Si, but what about the rest of you. What do you think?”

I think it should be a question mark instead of a period after the word you.

“Sure Lisa. Do you want to open the door?” Sam said but then Simon said,

Maybe it should be changed to:...Sam aked but Simon said...to make it less redundant.

behind Sam with Simon standing at the back with a torch in his hand.

Again, it's a little redudant. Delete the second with and replace it with a comma.


“Wow,” Elliot breathed then he said it again but louder this time and then they all heard the echoes going around the cave getting quieter every time they reached the children’s ears.

This seems like a lot of short sentences jammed into a very long one. Maybe you should do something like this: “Wow,” Elliot breathed. He said it again, louder this time. Then, they all heard the echoes going around the cave, getting quieter every time they reached the children’s ears.

“I told you not to tell Gina because she have forbidden us

I think it should be written as: she would have forbidden us.

“What is it,” Simon said from behind the others.

Missing question mark.

“Look there’s another path.”

Maybe you could insert an exclamation point or a comma after the word look.

I think that's just about it. Your work's great! :D



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