Suffering

Just an idea that came to me a minute ago so I thought I'd post it and see what you guys thought

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Suffering,
is Hunger,
is Pain,
is Hurt.
-
-
Suffering,
is Disease,
is Thirst,
is Cursed.
-
-
Suffering,
is Now,
is Around,
is Here.
-
-
Suffering,
is a never ending,
merciless, spear.

Hi Lydia!

Well, I liked this, but the period were effective while I didn't like them at all. Yeah, I'm weird. Just an opinion, though!

Plus, there were some word choices that didn't completely work due to the context and the previous ones. For example, 'near' after 'here' doesn't make much sense. If it's here, it's obviously near, if not one inch away. And the 'worst' sounds like it's just... there, and it doesn't do anything for the poem. The previous words to 'worst' were sooo good, that 'worst' just brings it a bit down.

Side note: don't capitalize 'merciless'.

I really liked this! *clicks the like button* Thanks for posting and helping us get our ratio up!
- Kat

Hey there, Lydia!

I have to agree with Kat - while the full stops keeps the poem's rhythm up, they make it sound choppy and like there's no room for interpretation... just a bit, you know, "This is the truth, your opinions don't matter!" sort of declaration.

The rhyming and the rhythm did work fine, though. But I'll admit this reminded me more like a slogan for a charity organization than a poem. I immediately got that image in my head. "Suffering is hunger, pain, hurt – what can you do about it? Read this pamphlet to find out where you can help!" It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it was hard for me to get rid of that impression and find deeper meanings to it.

I hope I could help


Demeter
x

Hey.

First of all, I love you avatar. Penguins.<3

The full stops aren't helping this poem. It becomes a little too intense, like a spasmodic priest on a sermon. Yes, I agree with Kat's comments as well. This poem was more of a 'telling' poem instead of a 'showing' poem. Not that I think poetry is all about imagery but if ever it does lack imagery, it should make up for it for something deep in it's concept, something thought-provoking. Your poem says something, I think, everyone will agree to but it's also something everyone already knows.

Your ending, however, saved this piece for me. I really liked it. It's rhyme with the previous stanza just gave it the momentum to have a powerful impact and at the same time, the image is clear and strong.

Hallo, Lydia!

I think this is good. Short, concise, to the point. In that respect, I think it's good! As Angel says, it breathes things that many people know and are aware of, and in that sense, I think elaboration would strengthen your point, dear. Expansion of ideas would benefit as well, because we'd very much like to know what suffering is to you. I think you should flesh this out, but in the mean time, this is good as it is.

June