haiku

Actually, I got this picture from a website in the Internet. I did not own it, though.

But this poem (a haiku) is my original composition. I paired it with this picture. Hope you like it guys.

PLEASE comment.

the water rippled
as an autumn leaf fell down
from a maple tree.

Hey darkangel!

Well, as this isn't really about the photo, you shouldn't post in Art & Photography.
Also; I'm not good at reviwing poetry, so I can't help you out. Sorry.

Anyway, keep writing!
~Lava

ok thanks for the comment

thanks for the compliment, angel23.

i'm glad you appreciated it.

hey, you're being active now. keep it up.

`telle.

Hi,

This flows nicely and you stick to the meter. I love the first line.

I'm not sure about "fell down"-I know you're trying to fit the syllable requirement here, but I don't think you need "down" as it doesn't add anything. Maybe change "autumn" to a one syllable word and then use a two syllable word to describe how the leaf falls?

The last line is perfect.

Hope this helps.

Jas

Hi!

First, may I suggest a different title then just 'haiku'? Your poem is very good, but the unoriginal title masks that. It is sort of calling an epic high adventure novel, "Adventure Book". May I suggest titles like "Autumn Leaves" or just, "Maple"? It's true that you shouldn't judge a book by it's title, but face the facts; if you have a catchy title, more readers are going to want to pick up and read your written work.

Anyway, once I got to the actual haiku, I didn't find anything wrong it! It flowed nicely, it was simple, and it conveyed a strong message. Please PM me if you post anything more.

-Elinor

Hey! As a lover of haikus, I can say that this was awesome. It's often really hard to capture a pretty inamge in three short lines, but you really did. This was simple, beautiful, and real. Awesome job, and please post more haikus in the future!

--Dreamy115

i thank you all guys for the comments.

Your haiku is very beautiful, although I find it easier to see an image not in past tense, and maybe you could articulate it a bit more, but it conveyed the image very skillfully, I'd enjoy to read more of your work.

Amazing I really loved it ^^ I used to do Haikus and now I think I might try to do more. Lols used to have to do them in language and hated them for homework because I couldn't think under the pressure. haha. Anyways You did great and I hope you write more. You should change the title though I almost didn't read it because it wasn't very descriptive but its ok ^^ Its beautiful. Good luck and keep up the good work ^^

I think that's a great haiku. I guess most haiku don't express themselves so much because they're so limited as to how much space you have. This haiku is different. I really liked it! Although, the picture was unnecessary.