Enchanted Library: Plot/teaser

Have you ever been to a library where not the library but a single book made this library enchanted. Well that's what happened to Ben. Ben was 15 teen years old.Ben was a average kid he got good grades, he listened to his parents,and he didn't get in trouble. When Ben got switched to a new school, Riverton High ,that would change his life. Riverton high was a school like all others it had its fair share of popular kids, nerds, athletes, and goths. Ben seemed to fall right in the middle. The only thing different about Riverton was that, even though no one knew, it had a library different from the others, a enchanted one if you will. I forgot to mention one thing Ben loved books and always spent time in the library its was like his home in a weird neighborhood.After his first few weeks he noticed a book in the very back of the library. It looked like it hadn't been touched in years. Ben picked it up wiped it off. It didn't seem to have a title but it said " For all who look upon this book will embark on a magical journey through far away lands and meet many people who you will have to decide who will help you and who will defeat you."Ben thought this was the plot of this story but little did he know this would actually happen to him.

Awesome! I would like to hear more. That sounds awesome keep going keep going!

Hiya. This seems like a very interesting premise, but there are a few problems with this, mainly withe grammar and word choice. I understand that it is a premise, a sort of teaser, but that should make you want to make it all the more interesting. I believe that your word choice was quite dull, no imagery or action at all. Perhaps you could take out a little bit of the backstory, and focus more on how the library will affect Ben.

Another thing is grammar. You need to work on your punctuation, such as in this example:

The only thing different about Riverton was that, even though no one knew, it had a library different from the others, a enchanted one if you will.

A comma would work well there.

Also, verb tenses. This is mainly in past tense, but there are a few places where you slip into present tense. Like here:

When Ben got switched to a new school, Riverton High ,that would change his life.

I would suggest you reread this so you can spot little mistakes like this.

However, this is a very good premise. If you get the first chapter up, could you PM me? I'd love to see how this turns out.

thanks for the critisim. I'm not mad critisim is exactly what a good writer needs so just keep it up.