Say your sin Chapter 1 part one

[Authors note~ Ello loves! Loveless here, or you can call me Love, Summer, Sum, or Skittles. I own many nicknames. Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy this. I wrote it in French class. Tell me if it's good enough to continue. I would adore your support. Enjoy.]

Prologue~~

It's time. The choice I make now will determine everything. My life, my friends, all things that are important to me. This choice could make it great or break it all. Can't turn around now and walk out of the doors, the ones that lead me to this place. Couldn't say 'I change my mind,' or some other idiotic comment like that. No. Even though there were flocks of ravenous butterflies invading my stomach, I wouldn't back down.
The small, slightly claustrophobic, room was dark, with the exception of five dim candles. Each one of the candles a different color and a different house. Each holding a different fate.
"State your sin, pledge," the conjoined force of the five voices rang through my ears, which resulted in a small humming silence after wards. It was my turn to speak, my cue to follow orders and "state my sin".
I practiced my answer over and over in my mirror. Practiced so much, in fact, I had the words embedded into my eternal memory, or so I thought. I must have been mistaken, because, now, I couldn't utter that simple phrase. The four words I'd studied wouldn't come to me now. No matter how hard I mentally yelled at my mouth to open and say something, anything, no sound would come from my thin lips. Someone cleared their throat impatiently and I quickly rose prom my previous kneeling state.
"I kill for fun." Everything was frighteningly silent, I could hear my heart pounding against my rib cage in a dull thudding sound. It pulsed through the enclosed room like something straight out of an Edgar Allen Poe poem. I just hoped they couldn't hear it too.
The white candle fizzled out along with a purple one. Argintas and Matrika were effaced. Only the black, red, and orange candle remain. Desmondes, Valemont, and Wavera, one of these was to become of me. The wait felt as if it lasted hours, though I'm sure it only lasted about six minutes. Eventually, the orange candle blew out, and then, after some more time, so did the red.
"Welcome to Desmondes," a single females voice sang," We accept you into our coven." That was the start of it all.

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This is short, sorry. I am currently in the process of writing more. I hope you liked, it would mean a lot to me if you commented.

Ok, first a few things I would like to say. First, yay to another 14 year old writer who is good, and second I am taking latin, but I never get a break in that class.

The character is not really described very much physically, but I did feel a strong connection to the emotions of the character. My favorite thing about this is that it had so many well written descriptive sentences that flowed properly. As to plot I think I understand what happened. I am assuming that by uttering the words "I kill for fun" she is chosen by someone from a certain coven out of five different covens? Overall a very nice and smooth read, I will definitely read the first chapter when you release it. Apart from a low amount of physical character description it was very well written, but I did feel that it was a bit short. Maybe next time write it about twice as long as this prologue. Also if you continue directly from this point it wont really be a prologue anymore.

Hopefully I helped,

DayDreams

Heya there Skittles!

This is an good start to your story. It was very interesting and you've got me intrigued.

Your character's thoughts are well thought out and we get a clear sense of emotion from him/her. But the problem lies on the outside. I suppose physical appearance doesn't really matter too much in the prologue, but I'd like to know if the MC was a male or female! I don't believe you stated that. And, contradicting what I said above, you could shed some light to what your character looks like.

The plot thickens! Killing for fun? Sadistic xD It sounds dreadfully interesting and I wonder what kind of coven your character has just been accepted into and what all these little covens are about. They will be explained, right?

Also, I'm curious to know why your character made the decision to go these covens. That part seems a little fuzzy so perhaps you could clarify?

Looking good so far! Keep it up

Meadow

I read your posts -thank you for posting- and actually I'd like to change this from Prologue to part one of Chapter one. I'm sorry for the confusion. You will get a sense of how he looks in my later post, and more of the plot. I'm hoping to get the second part posted tomorrow. Thank you~

XOXOXOXOXO
Summer -Skittles- Night