Shifters: Prologue

Okay, so this is the prologue of a book I'm starting. It's titled "Shifters".
Hope you like it...
Susie



A new age dawns upon me. It'll be scary and dangerous. People will get hurt, many will die. Maybe even me.

It'll be the thrill of a lifetime.

But I haven't always been this sadistic. I used to despise violence, not even able to harm a spider. A sensitive person... Well, okay, maybe pushing Kenna Rogers off the slide in sixth grade wasn't very nice. But I'd had a justifiable reason!

She'd cut in line.

Nevertheless, I'd had a carefree life, before all this. I'd been your average seventeen year old. Went to a drearisome school, hung out with a small group of friends, argued with my parents over anything and everything and spent hours listening to music.

But then, in the blink of an eye, my life - my world - had turned inside out. I still remember it like it was yesterday...

Your last line is the most used up line in the history of used up lines - I like it! It intruiged me - exactly what a prologue is intended to do! Great job. I liked the whole sick MC thing, since not a lot of people write this way - most of the main characters nowadays are Mary or Gary Stues. It's great that there's a change of wind for once. Please PM me when the rest is out. I'd like to read it.
Ofir

You have done well young Padawan! I'm glad you modified the line up there that I suggested, great work Susie!

Please PM me when you post the next chapter

Tanya

The title is great, but it is lacking in content. I felt that this prologue was too short. I do understand that this could shape into a great story. The fact that her world changes leaves us hanging for more, so hopefully everyone who read this wants to come back for the first chapter. It had many positives, but everything always pointed back to the length for me. When you plan to release a new chapter I'm sure everyone would like it if you made it at least double the prologue.

I am sorry if it seems like I am trolling on your work,

~DayDreams

This was an interesting piece but as a prologue...not so much. I don't feel like it accomplishes much in the way of a prologue. It forshadows a bit, but in a very cliche manner. Some of this actually seems more "first chapter" worthy than prologue, unless you plan on flashing back... But I still think it could be worked in somewhere other than a prologue.

Mostly I have a problem with this bit:

Nevertheless, I'd had a carefree life, before all this. I'd been your average seventeen year old. Went to a drearisome school, hung out with a small group of friends, argued with my parents over anything and everything and spent hours listening to music.

But then, in the blink of an eye, my life - my world - had turned inside out. I still remember it like it was yesterday...

The rest of it I really liked, it portrayed your character in an interesting way and hooked me. You just lost me with this quoted part here.

Personally, I don't usually enjoy prologues. They are hard to write really well, and I know that I can't write them well myself so I usually stay away.

With this piece here, I think the first part could be easily worked into the actual story and this prologue could be cut altogether. But that is just me. And this is your story, so you can do whatever you want with it. I just thought I would share my thoughts

Keep writing! I'd like to see the first chapter when you post it. (Feel free to PM me)

-Lauren

A new age dawns upon me. It'll be scary and dangerous. People will get hurt, many will die. Maybe even me.

It'll be the thrill of a lifetime.

I really don't like these short sentences at the introduction i feel a bit confused and bored reading them. I suggest using a more colorful vocabulary.

But I haven't always been this sadistic. I used to despise violence, not even able to harm a spider. A sensitive person... Well, okay, maybe pushing Kenna Rogers off the slide in sixth grade wasn't very nice. But I'd had a justifiable reason!

She'd cut in line.

Maybe tell us why you use to despise violence, and what made pushed you to use violence later on. I don't really think that the sentence i colored should be in a diffrent paragraph.

Nevertheless, I'd had a carefree life, before all this. I'd been your average seventeen year old. Went to a drearisome school, hung out with a small group of friends, argued with my parents over anything and everything and spent hours listening to music.

This looks OK, but i would have enjoyed it more with a little more detail about your friends and why you considered yourself average.

But then, in the blink of an eye, my life - my world - had turned inside out. I still remember it like it was yesterday...

This is just a mess, in my opinion the ending is just too short and sudden. You are the writer so think of a why of getting it longer and more enjoyable to read.

It's good, but needs lots of work, detail, and better words to fit in the sentence. Expect more harsh reviews like this.