Because - Chap. 32 & 33

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Hey KJ! I'm so glad you're posting more of this, because I read chapter one ... and, well, HAD to read the whole thing. Your style of writing is amazing; so easy to read, yet still mature and powerful. I'm sorry about the agent rejecting it, that's pretty bad news. But don't stop trying! I mean, it's pretty obvious what happened to Becca was terribly traumatic. O.o And there are more fish in the sea.

Did you change Becca's name? Well, I prefer Becca to Skye. Becca is more ordinary, like this could happen, and it does - just not so seriously. Don't get me wrong or anything, Skye is nice ... just not as "real" as Becca...

Also, I didn't really understand too much the relevance of the first scene, with the carnival. It was fine, but it confused me a little. I saw it was labeled "past" and immediately thought: "oh, this is just after the part where Will kidnaps her." Then it was about a carnival with her brother. It took me a sentence or two to realise. ^^ I'm pretty slow. Maybe if you could say so many years ago, or something to that effect.

I have suspicions.

Spoiler

Was it James who wrote the message in her bedroom? Meh, just a guess, but he doesn't strike me as too much of a loving person.

I loved this chapter, almost as much as I love all of it. You've definitely continued with the intrigue, and I cannot wait until the next chapters are posted.

Now, as for your question: Mmmm... I'm not too sure. Rape sounds like the sort of thing Will would do. He is desperate to have her; when he goes to her house he attempts to have sex with her but is interrupted by the appearance of her brother; he becomes obsessed and crazy. He freakin' kidnaps her. Yet at the same time he just wants to protect her. I think if he does do it, then makes sure you only hint at it. In some YA books that I've read where rape's happened, it's partially mentioned, ad basically the reader just guesses what's happened. Whereas in adult, let's just say it's the opposite. So ... what age range where you going for? I think that's what it depends on.

Well, keep on posting, KJ! I do love this story, and I would certainly buy it if it were published.

Hope I helped a little!

~Emma

EmmaJane wrote:Hey KJ! I'm so glad you're posting more of this, because I read chapter one ... and, well, HAD to read the whole thing. Your style of writing is amazing; so easy to read, yet still mature and powerful. I'm sorry about the agent rejecting it, that's pretty bad news. But don't stop trying! I mean, it's pretty obvious what happened to Becca was terribly traumatic. O.o And there are more fish in the sea.

Did you change Becca's name? Well, I prefer Becca to Skye. Becca is more ordinary, like this could happen, and it does - just not so seriously. Don't get me wrong or anything, Skye is nice ... just not as "real" as Becca...

Also, I didn't really understand too much the relevance of the first scene, with the carnival. It was fine, but it confused me a little. I saw it was labeled "past" and immediately thought: "oh, this is just after the part where Will kidnaps her." Then it was about a carnival with her brother. It took me a sentence or two to realise. ^^ I'm pretty slow. Maybe if you could say so many years ago, or something to that effect.

I have suspicions.

Spoiler

Was it James who wrote the message in her bedroom? Meh, just a guess, but he doesn't strike me as too much of a loving person.

I loved this chapter, almost as much as I love all of it. You've definitely continued with the intrigue, and I cannot wait until the next chapters are posted.

Now, as for your question: Mmmm... I'm not too sure. Rape sounds like the sort of thing Will would do. He is desperate to have her; when he goes to her house he attempts to have sex with her but is interrupted by the appearance of her brother; he becomes obsessed and crazy. He freakin' kidnaps her. Yet at the same time he just wants to protect her. I think if he does do it, then makes sure you only hint at it. In some YA books that I've read where rape's happened, it's partially mentioned, ad basically the reader just guesses what's happened. Whereas in adult, let's just say it's the opposite. So ... what age range where you going for? I think that's what it depends on.

Well, keep on posting, KJ! I do love this story, and I would certainly buy it if it were published.

Hope I helped a little!

~Emma

Thanks hun. You did help, be assured. And I was having my issues with Becca's dream about the carnival, too. Oh, and I am toying around with her name. You're actually the first person who likes the name Becca for her - everyone else kept telling me she didn't sound like a Becca and that I should make it more unique. I don't know. Guess I'll keep playing with it.

Thanks again - you're great. You always are there for my work

Hey, this is a quickie review (sorry, I'll try my best to do a better one later). I just wanted you to know I'm still reading and loving every bit of it! I love that I hate Will Sheldon *shivers* - you do an excellent job of making him creepy, yet still slightly human. Why'd you change Becca's name? I really liked it as Becca - it seems more real like Emma said - Skye just seems...too dreamy? flaky? Something like that anyway, and Becca (sorry, I can't help but call her that ) just doesn't strike me as that kind of person. Anyway, I can't wait to hear more! You've kept me on tenterhooks once again!
I'm really sorry about your rejection by the way. That totally sucks. But don't give up - you've got a diamond here and if that agent doesn't see that then that's their problem. Keep up the great work - I believe in you! (Sorry if that sounds cheesy.... )
Feel free to PM me when the next chapter's out! (I'll try to come back and give a more detailed review later! But before I go, one thing I would like to mention is that I was a bit confused as to what was going on with the fairground scene...It just, I don't know, really confused me for some reason. I might be being dense with it though - I do that a lot when I'm tired and try to read stuff and it doesn't make sense! Ha-ha. Anyway...other than that it was excellent!)
~Soul

WrittenSoul wrote:Hey, this is a quickie review (sorry, I'll try my best to do a better one later). I just wanted you to know I'm still reading and loving every bit of it! I love that I hate Will Sheldon *shivers* - you do an excellent job of making him creepy, yet still slightly human. Why'd you change Becca's name? I really liked it as Becca - it seems more real like Emma said - Skye just seems...too dreamy? flaky? Something like that anyway, and Becca (sorry, I can't help but call her that ) just doesn't strike me as that kind of person. Anyway, I can't wait to hear more! You've kept me on tenterhooks once again!
I'm really sorry about your rejection by the way. That totally sucks. But don't give up - you've got a diamond here and if that agent doesn't see that then that's their problem. Keep up the great work - I believe in you! (Sorry if that sounds cheesy.... )
Feel free to PM me when the next chapter's out! (I'll try to come back and give a more detailed review later! But before I go, one thing I would like to mention is that I was a bit confused as to what was going on with the fairground scene...It just, I don't know, really confused me for some reason. I might be being dense with it though - I do that a lot when I'm tired and try to read stuff and it doesn't make sense! Ha-ha. Anyway...other than that it was excellent!)
~Soul

Don't worry, the carnival thing is confusing. I'm thinking I'll just cut that out completely - it doesn't really have anything to do with the story, anyway.

And now I'm thinking I should chnage her name back. Or change it to comething else completely? Any suggestions, guys?

I think you should continue writing, the 'rape' thing wasn't too graphic. The only thing wrong I could think of would be the development of Will Sheldon's character. It seems as though he got fascinated with the main character too quickly. Maybe it'd help if you went back and added in a couple of chapters about what made him 'love' her.

Also, Vick's character, he's perfectly described and written. Keep up the good work. This is quickly becoming my favorite book.

Sincerely,
Wheadee x)