Death

What is the meaning of death?
If we die, where do we go?
Will we be happy, or will we be sad, angry, unwanted?
Will we be remembered? Or forgotten?
What will become of us?
When will death call to us? When we are sickly, old, or scared?
I have learned over the years if you do not fear death, death will pass over you. If you fear it, it will sniff you out and steal you away as soon as possible.
Do not fear death. It may be a time of hppiness for you, or a time of lonliness. Or sadness. But do not fear it.
If you do not fear it, it will fear you.

Hello Cassie! This was quite an enjoyable poem to read, and I commend you for writing it!

The topic is a controversial one, but it is seldom written about. It was nice for a change from the depressed emo poems I've been reviewing lately.

To start things off, I spotted two misspelled words in the poem.
You were missing the 'a' in hppiness (should be happiness) and the 'e' in lonliness (it should be loneliness). To fix easy spelling errors such as this, you should proofread your story! If your word processor doesn't have a spell checker, there is even a spell checker here on YWS!

Now for the actual poem. While I enjoyed the subject matter, it seemed a little bland, consisting almost entirely of questions-more like a conversation between two people. How do you expand upon that? It's easy. Take back what you learn about essay writing in English class. Add supporting detail. Maybe your narrator mentions about how they can't stop thinking about death. I also think the narrator should add a few of their thoughts or ideas about the afterlife.

PM Me if you have questions ^^
Ta Ta.

I really liked this piece. It asked alot of questions that I myself have asked. Good job!

Now, on to the reviewing. The piece itself did not really feel like a poem. I wouldn't have changed any of the wording, however. It seemed like each line ended in a question mark, finalizing it. This made reading the piece very 'stop. go. stop. go.'. Example:

I would change:

What is the meaning of death?
If we die, where do we go?

To:

What is the meaning
of death?
If we die,
where do we go?

This makes the poem flow more and makes reading easier. So it doesn't just feel like a long list of questions.

Also, you had a little slip up:

It may be a time of hppiness for you,

so 'hppiness' should be 'happiness'

Other than that, I really liked it! Again, good job!

Hey there!

Ok, so this poem seems to be suffering from the fact that it basically is prose with line breaks. This is such a great topic, such a great idea, that you should do it, and yourself, a little more justice by cranking up the poetry factor.

My number one tip for this would be adding similes, metaphors and interesting (ergo poetic. Duh.) words. Make it flow nicely, maybe split it up into stanzas. Make it, basically, sound like a really cool little poem. I know you can do it!

If you are stuck with that, then I'd simply suggest reading some poetry (either published or on YWS) to really get a feel of what you can do to yours! There are so many options that you literally have no limits on where you take this.

Hope I helped!

~Amy

This doesn't seem so much like a poem about death as it does an essay.

You switch moods around the end, at first you're asking questions and you should find some kind of closure or ending, overbearing, question at the end, but then you switch moods and suddenly you sound like you're telling a parable or something.

As mentioned by others, you've got various spelling errors. Spellcheck is a lovely thing, and since it's even implemented on YWS there's no reason not to use it. Just click the "Check spelling" text above your post and presto!

This does have potential, though. Just decide whether you want it to be a poem or an essay, fix the abrupt mood shift, and make it a little more fleshed out.

~Aet