First Story-- part 9

Sara stayed in her room until Monday, locking the doors and windows. Nerezza didn’t eat, so neither would she. Her mom had screamed and banged on the door, but had not managed to get in.
The bruises from Sara’s fall had faded, but now bruises from starvation formed on the inside of her arms. She mostly slept, curled at the top of her huge bed. She drank from a water bottle stashed in the back of her closet only to keep from dying. Then on Monday morning, everything changed.

Sara woke up around 4 am on Monday. She was freezing. For late May, it should have never been that cold. She had fallen asleep with the light on, and the brightness made her rub her eyes.
She gasped in surprise as the shadows in her room pulled away from their objects. They condensed in the center of her room, forming the shape of a girl. Then they became solid, and there was Nerezza, standing there.
She looked at her hand as if to see if they were whole. Sara was pressed against her bed board, blankets pulled up to her chin. Nerezza cocked her head at her, but said nothing.
Then, Nerezza was in her closet, looking in, without having physically moved. She just appeared, leaving a trail of darkness behind her.
Then, she was at her mirror. She touched the solid surface, and it rippled like water. For a moment, her eyes flashed the same reflective sliver, and Sara knew that she could see everything the mirror had ever reflected. Sara vaguely hoped that she had never changed anywhere but her closet.
Then, Nerezza was at the bloodstained comforter. She touched it softly, and the blood disappeared. She waved her hand and the broken picture of Sara pieced itself together.
Then she sat at the foot of Sara’s bed and sighed. She turned her eyes on Sara.
“You need to eat.” She said, the first words she had spoken.
“But… I…” She trailed off. Nerezza raised an eyebrow.
“You feel no resentment towards me?”
“No. And since you don’t eat, neither will I.”
A sudden fury rose in Nerezza’s eyes. “Child, I am not mortal! You are.” She cried angrily.
“Why… why did you call me child?” Sara croaked weakly.
Some amount of softness crept into Nerezza’s face. “I often forget that I am now merely a girl. You must excuse me.”
“Is that why you talk weird?” Sara wondered.
“Occasionally.” Nerezza answered smiling, for the first time, non-evilly. “There is still much you do not know. But, for now, if you ever want to be as I am, you must stay alive.”
Pure excitement lit in Sara’s face. Nerezza touched Sara’s forehead. “Now sleep.” She said, and as Sara’s eyes closed, she saw Nerezza turn back into shadow.

Sara woke up at six, suddenly sure that she would go to school. She touched her slimy head, and decided that a shower would be nice.

Sup, Dreamy. *cheer*

Nerezza didn’t eat, so neither would she.

We're given no indication of this beforehand.

She drank from a water bottle stashed in the back of her closet only to keep from dying.

It'd be good to at least see some hunger pains or struggles with this. Also, we're not told why she suddenly admires Nerezza.

She gasped in surprise as the shadows in her room pulled away from their objects. They condensed in the center of her room, forming the shape of a girl. Then they became solid, and there was Nerezza, standing there.
She looked at her hand as if to see if they were whole. Sara was pressed against her bed board, blankets pulled up to her chin. Nerezza cocked her head at her, but said nothing.

Cool description. Also, these two paragraphs would make more sense as one.

For late May, it should have never been that cold.

It can be, here in Alaska. It'd be good to specify where she's from... unless you have and I've just forgotten.

For a moment, her eyes flashed the same reflective sliver, and Sara knew that she could see everything the mirror had ever reflected.

How does she know?

Then, Nerezza was at the bloodstained comforter.

QUID? [A Latin word that means 'why.'] I don't remember this at all. It's also been a while since I've read your stories so that also may be it.

A sudden fury rose in Nerezza’s eyes. “Child, I am not mortal! You are.” She cried angrily.

To get the full force of Nerezza's fury, it'd help if you have a reaction from Sera.. like trying to become one with her pillow, or diving into the closet. Also, after Nerezza says "you need to eat," she makes Sera go to sleep.

Overall, intriguing. I'm a little confused as to the sudden hero-worship from Sera, so more details on that would be good. As always, keep writing! This is great.

*Seraph*

Thanks! Yes, I definitely need to clarify some points. I was trying to make it sound like Sara had gone slightly insane, hence the worship, but I'll add in some more details.

Hey, just wondering if i could get some more reviews. If you haven't read the other parts, be sure to click back a few pages.

--Dreamy

please?

C'mon, good people of YWS!!!!!! Just one measly review!!!!!!!!

that's all I ask of you..................

(that's a song, isn't it?)

please???????

I imagine the maniacal laughter when you say she's supposed to be insane. Hm. My suggestion is that you make her mind dark and muddled- confused about what's right and wrong.

Good idea, thanks!