do you feel it

My heart beats,
My arms bruise,
My life falls apart in front of my eyes.

Just one little mistake,
Only one more cut,
What will it hurt its just a little blood

Will you care?
If I cry,
If I die
I may as well,
I am nothing to you.

Today is my last day.
Say good bye to all that i know,
Bye to my life,
Even though I wont miss it.

Final minutes
Ticking down
One by on,
Blood slowly drips
Breathe, just breathe
Will I regret this?

Its to late now,
Exhale,
My body goes limp, lifeless.

I leave them with regret and loss,
Feel my pain.

Pain and suffering is all that I know.

All I ever will.

Hello death,
You kind of skipped between punctuation and none; if you're not going to use any, that's fine. Just be consistent with your choice.

death2preps wrote:What will it hurt its just a little blood

I think this would sound better as

death2preps wrote:What, its just a little blood

death2preps wrote:Today is my last day.
Say good bye to all that i know,
Bye to my life,
Even though I wont miss it.

This stanza is redundant in itself; and the next stanza says the same thing essentially. I'd say nix it.
Besides that, this poem is a tad cliche. A girl/boy kills themselves because a) they hate life b) no one loves/understands them c) they want to spite all the people who don't love/ bother to understand them.
hmmmm.
It's a good start; and I felt this was better than most poems of its kind, but I would say try something a little more creative.

My heart beats,
My arms bruise,
My life falls apart in front of my eyes.

Just one little mistake,
Only one more cut,
What will it hurt its just a little blood?

Will you care?
If I cry,
If I die I'd add some punctuation here.
I may as well,
I am nothing to you.

Today is my last day. I find this line really unnecessary. The reader should be able to piece together the stanzas and realize the narrator is attempting suicide.
Say good bye to all that I know,
Bye to my life,
Even though I won't miss it.

Final minutes
Ticking down
One by one,
Blood slowly drips
Breathe, just breathe
Will I regret this?

It's to late now, <-- I'd change the comma to a period. It seems to fit better
Exhale,
My body goes limp, lifeless.

I leave them with regret and loss,
Feel my pain.

Pain and suffering is all that I know.

All I ever will.

This poem seems to give a float-y feeling as if the narrator is taking his/her last breaths/thoughts as her body shuts down. I like that.

The main concern I have is that it's a tad cliché as Empress said. Try to make this stand out by taking a different angle at suicide. Say the girl/boy wonders if she/he did the right thing by taking the pills, slitting his/her wrists, whatever. Describe those feelings and thoughts. Make your suicide poem stand out.

- Fairy

That is one scary piece. Of course mean that in every good way possible. I really got hooked in while reading it, which is a pretty tough thing to pull off really well. I'd pick at things that made no sense, but the period before exhale was the only one I could say, but that (along with many other pointers) have been said by the last person.
*2 Thumbs Up*

Ah... Good old emo suicide poetry. Quite the worry some topic, no? You and I (and too many others) are alike, in the sense that suffering is all I(we)'ve ever known. One thing that helped me survive is poetry, good luck, eh?(ever wanna talk PM me.)
On to my review(sort of)!

I got to say some of this I liked a lot. Like the exhale part, that really just hit me.
I like now you did convey emotion, not everyone does and I like emotion in poetry.
As they sai it is also a bit cliche...And the punctuation issues... Fairy pointed out.(stole my review)

Hmmm... There are no other actual problems... That I don't mind atleast.
Good job and keep writing. I'd like to see more.

Nope, I don’t feel it. This is emo poetry, and emo poetry is all fine for pouring out emotion and making you feel better, but it isn’t meant to be public.

“My arms bruise,”
Why? Cutting doesn’t cause bruising, I’ve been clumsy far too many times with a swiss army knife to know that. Are you smashing your arms into something? You elaborate on this nowhere else in the poem. Replace it with something that makes more sense.

“Its to late now,”
should be
“It’s too late now”

Get rid of all punctuation, except for apostrophes in words like “it’s”, which is something you need to work on as you miss places where you should’ve put apostrophes several times.

The main problem with this and all other emo poems is that there is no reason to sympathize with the subject of the poem. Based on what the poem tells us, the person it is talking about is selfish and stupid. They are killing themselves with the knowledge that it will hurt and traumatize those close to them, and you suggest that half the reason they are killing themselves is to punish those close to them so they will feel the person’s pain. Now, this would be fine if this poem were about how cruel the person doing this was, but you seem to sympathize with and glorify them.

Such thoughts as these aren’t always horrible, but only when meant seriously and acted on. Like someone thinking I’m going to kill such and such, dammit! As long as they don’t actually kill someone, that’s not unhealthy at all. What you portray here however is someone basically thinking “Oh, no one understands me, I am eternally suffering. Since everyone who cares about me doesn’t actually care and I need to punish them, maybe I should kill myself to make them sad.”

It isn’t all bad, though. I did like some of the imagery, such as “final minutes ticking down”.

One way you could completely revamp this and make a poem that's actually rather interesting if executed uniquely is if this were a poem from the perspective of a family member or friend of whoever killed themselves, and the person was wondering how they could do this, and showing their agony, instead of the agony of whoever this person is.

~Aet

Hmm, well obviously my first thought reading this were 'emo'. It feels a little self centred and a pretty typical suicide poem.

You need to watch out for the typos. Especially apostrophes. Just run the poem through a spell checker and you should get them.

Now, one thing I think would help you is a little bit of imagery where it could be great. The prime spots for that would be the dripping blood (Ok, that sounds weird) and the body going lifeless. If, here, you think up some awesomely amazing unique imagery then your poem would really be bumped up a few notches. Choose some great similes, similes that no-one else would think of, and use them. Make it unique and make it yours!

Hope I helped! If you have any questions then just PM me.

~Amy