chapter one + two, rough copies.

Yo,
just finished your piece.
The plot... is of the type I hate, but! - I've learned to see past my dislikes and revulsions, haha. Your style is pretty good. Pretty, pretty good.
Now, you say that this piece is terrible, allow me to share something. When I got my first guitar, a classical acoustic, there was, after the first period of awe, a longer period of a few months, in which I learned the open chords, the power chords, then - the basic scales following which one makes a solo. Then, suddenly came a moment, in which anything I played started sounding like utter crap. For some reason my style and technique deterioriated rapidly. What could be the reason of that? And then I realized what had happened. My style didn't get worse. My understanding of the guitar got better. In other words - the more you understand how something works, the more you leave the plane of the amateur, and the closer you get to understanding how the elements of this chosen field actually interact - the more you understand your limitations.
Clearly seeing you limitations is a gift, which almost no one has. If you can really see how crappy you are in some spheres, then this is really the begining of growth, not only as a writer, but as a person as well.
And this piece, I've just read - there's nothing wrong with it. It's not terrible. Well, the plot is hehe, but only in my point of view. I call it terrible even when it's in a book which sells millions of copies. The style is fine. Good descriptions of movement, of everyday actions. Good insetions of texting conversation. The way the main protagonist found the little black book is a little childish, but hey:
a) they are children and
b) who knows what conspiracies within conspiracies you have up your sleeve
Anyway - a generaly good beginning, with bursts of 'great beginning', write the rest!

thanks, i really appreciate your review. (:
that's funny, i just recently started guitar lessons (about two months ago). i see what you mean about seeing your own limitations ... both a gift and a curse, no?

he way the main protagonist found the little black book is a little childish, but hey:
a) they are children and
b) who knows what conspiracies within conspiracies you have up your sleeve

hmm, good point. i was thinking about changing that slightly - guinevere would drop the book on her way to her next class, which seems a little more likely than just leaving it on her desk.

anyway, thanks! i'm typing chapter three right now, it'll be posted in like five minutes.

- camille