Awakened (prologue)

Awakened
Prologue

In the short time that I’ve lived I have never, not even once, given a thought of how I was going to die. I never imagined anything complicated occurring in my life. Actually I never thought I would fall in love; I thought it wasn’t my thing, but now that I’ve founded it I have also lost it.
I’m not sure what I’m thinking or saying anymore. The pain in my body is too big and my head is even worse.
I didn’t recognize the signs. They tried to warn me but I didn’t listen. I wouldn’t stop playing with darkness and it consumed me. I don’t think the light in me that’s left will help me at all. No magic in the world will.
Once he completely awakens her I’ll be dead and she will take my place. After all she is me and I am just the body that contains her soul. So why am I fighting? Why don’t I want to be awakened?
Save me, the voice inside me said. Don’t let him get me. Please save me…


Yeah, I know its been a long, long, long (you get the point)since I've posted something. This is just something I'm working on it's still not quite there yet, but what the heck. I want to post something.
~Cy

Interesting prologue Cy. I kinda like the way it seems to be going.

Mistakes

In the short time that I’ve lived I have never, not even once, given a thought of how I was going to die.

That's a nice, creepy start. But I pulled out this sentence to make you substitute the word 'of' with 'about'

I never imagined anything complicated occurring in my life.

Should be, 'anything that complicated'

but now that I’ve founded it I have also lost it.

Were you talking about making the initial foundation or the base for love when you wrote, founded' or did you just mistake the word to be the past tense of 'find'.

I’m not sure what I’m thinking or saying anymore.

'Not sure of what I'm thinking......'

I wouldn’t stop playing with darkness and it consumed me.

It should be, 'I didn't'

I don’t think the light in me that’s left will help me at all.

I think this should be, "I don't think the light that was left in me would help me at all"

Plot

I can see a really nice plot forming through this story up ahead. This whole prologue seemed like one giant cliffhanger to me, and it captured me. But your words were really serious and it sort of scared me as well. But I don't think I have anything to be scared of by your plot. Please post the story here.

Good luck.

WOW, Cy! That is so suspenseful! I'm on the edge of my seat, desperately wanting to read more! Tell me there's more!

In the short time that I’ve lived I have never, not even once, given a thought of how I was going to die.

Oooh. Ha ha, hell of a hook there.

but now that I’ve founded it

Found?

They tried to warn me but I didn’t listen.

...warn me, but I...

I wouldn’t stop playing with darkness and it consumed me.

Love the "consumed".

After all she is me

After all, she is me

Once he completely awakens her I’ll be dead and she will take my place. After all she is me and I am just the body that contains her soul. So why am I fighting? Why don’t I want to be awakened?
Save me, the voice inside me said. Don’t let him get me. Please save me…

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Such a creepy end! Creepy, creepy end. I also loved how you've slipped in a little teaser about the plot, though I'm sure there are plenty of twists and turns. Continue with this, please. Because you've hit it with the prologue, and I do really want to read more. ...I don't understand why this hasn't gotten more reviews... Anyway, please PM me when you post more!

Happy writing!

~Emma

Hey =]

Nice idea for a story you have here =]

In the short time that I’ve lived I have never, not even once, given a thought of how I was going to die.

Great opening line, but I think 'to' would sound better than 'of'
'...given a thought to how I was going to die.'

Actually I never thought I would fall in love;

I'd add in a comma after 'Actually'
'Actually, I never thought I would fall in love;'

The pain in my body is too big and my head is even worse.

The second half of this sentence seems to read a little strangly to me. Maybe re-word it.

I wouldn’t stop playing with darkness and it consumed me.

As you say 'wouldn't stop' I get the impression that it's an occuring habit/thing with your MC. If that's the case, I'd suggest changing the sentence to something like;
'I wouldn't stop playing with darkness and eventually it consumed me.'
or
'I wouldn't stop playing with darkness and it eventually consumed me.'
(It's only a suggestion though) =]

No magic in the world will.

'Will' or 'Can'? 'Will' suggests that the magic doesn't want to help her. 'Can' means it can't. I hope that makes sense - if not, just ignore me

Once he completely awakens her I’ll be dead

'Once he completely awakens her, I'll be dead'

After all she is me

'After all, she is me.'

So, I think you have a great idea for a story here and I'll be looking out for future posts by you =] Thanks for the read and I hope you find my comments helpful.

xDudettex

Hi Cynara!! Long time no write! I've missed your writing!! (did that sound creepy?) Well I thought this was awesome!!! It's suspenseful and it keeps you wanting more! And that is always a good thing!! But I did notice a couple of missing commas and a typo. You wrote 'fonded' instead of 'found'. But it's okay. Everyone does it!! Heck we aren't perfect! So yes please please please write more!! PM me when it's up!! Bye!

Please write more,
wookielover17

As promised, darling, here I am.

Read it. Loved it.

As I also told you, I'm not much of a reviewer - I just found out the pathetic amount of reviews I've done since I've been here in YWS. So I'll just tell you what I thought:

AWESOME!

Do I need to say more? Hope not.

As everyone has said, a few typos here and there. It happens to everyone.

Really, really short, though. Perfect for a prologue, of course - it leaves you wanting more! But try to get your mojo back, please! I wanna read some more!

And I've told you since the beginning you're an awesome writer, but you can clearly notice you've improved - a lot! At least I've noticed. Should've told you before - dumb me!

It just keeps getting better and better!

So off I go. Hopefully I'll be back soon to read some more!

(Seriously. I should start logging in more.)

Best of luck always! LoOve ya so much!
~Joy.

I thought it was interesting. Though the first paragraph, in my opinion, reminded me of Twilight, but it still pulled me in.

I look forward to seeing what happens next.