Alone - please tell me what you think :)

I stand here alone
An empty space beside me
Cold air
The place where you should be
But you are not here
You did not come

You left me to face life
Alone
People are watching me
They cannot see what I see
I need you
Every minute I need you
I need my heart
The thing you took when you went
You’re not coming back
But I’ll find you
A tear falls
I didn’t even get to say goodbye
I didn’t get to hold your hand
People are whispering
But I don’t want to hear
I block my mind and think of you
Of you singing me to sleep
Of you laughing at me, with me
Of your touch
Your smell
Your voice
You
Everywhere I see you, hear you
Yet cannot hold you
Save me and take me to your heaven
I love you


I stand here alone
An empty space beside me
Cold air
The place where you should be
But you are not here…
You did not come.

Not bad but you can work on being clearer about your ideas in other poems.

Good luck

I liked the repetition of the first stanza at the end; it was a very nice touch.

That said, though, the body of the poem lacked any unique or strong imagery. Everything was quite vague and a lot of the descriptions you used were ones commonly used (such as the single falling tear). On the other hand, the details you did include (singing the narrator to sleep; laughing at and with the narrator) made things a bit more personal. They could have been fleshed out a bit more; for instance, what is it about "you"'s smell that makes it so important? How does "you" smell? Little details like that can really add a lot to your poem and make it stand out from other similar poems.

Overall, this is a good start. Try working on including unique and special details into your work to make it stand out more.

Wow! I know how you feel! This poem brought back a lot of deep sad memories. If this reallt happenend to you I hope you are better now. This poem is awesome. Free verse right? I love how you said "You did not come." at the end. Awesome way to end. This poem is wow! Keep up the awesome work!!

I'm with Kyllorac here, I'm afraid. You need to flesh this out rather a lot and make it unique to this person. You've used such generic images without expanding on anyone, that it's hard to see how this poem would relate to any one person. Even saying thing like 'singing me to sleep' don't help because you don't then expand on what you're saying. Thing is, if you wanted this to be personal you would add in something, maybe, that would sound personal between the speaker and who she is missing. So, for instance: 'your smell/summer strawberries'. Obviously that's a weak example, but do you get where I'm coming from? You need to make this poem special!

Hope I helped!

~Amy