Sure, you could call it a white christmas.

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Lifeless cars rested on the sides of the roads, snow-covered and cold. All of them were dark and made me shiver, but i could never turn myself away. One after another showed me what could happen in a split second.
The truck's wheels didn't exactly have good traction on the roads. Every stop, every turn was chilling to the bone. I clenched the edge of my seat with white knuckles, keeping still as if that would help the road's quality.
"Mom," I said, my teeth chattering, "turn on the heater. I swear you're going to kill me before tomorrow morning's light!" She pressed the wrong button, and the stereo magically blared my favorite song. I let myself relax and felt the warm air hug me. I began to sing, as all teenage girls do when they hear their favorite song. "Hey, soul sister..." I sang with a smile.
Our truck skidded to a hasty stop on a busy street corner, smaller cars hesitantly busting out of their own spots to make sure they were both safe and still moving. The upward slope had sheets of ice that threatened to slide underneath our weight, to pull us and a couple other cars down into snow banks that hid curbs and medians. My warm feelings melted away.
Slowly, my mother applied the gas and inched forward... we were almost up the hill, and I heard a crack. Reflexes made me suck in air as fast as possible, making an obnoxious gasping sound. The white road in front of us split in half, showing pavement underneath, and the truck began to slide down...

My vision went dark.
I heard a voice from somewhere above me, I could feel something like cold hands against my back, pinching me everywhere. When I realized it was snow I felt the need to jump up and look for my mom, who could be anywhere in the four-foot snow. Pain in the back of my head told me otherwise. Standing up too quick could mean blacking out again, if I had a concussion.
The voice pierced my ears again. "Hey, kid," the voice said.
Hmm... male.. I thought. I opened my eyes, and turned towards the sound. He was a boy, around fifteen, with shaggy brown hair and broad shoulders.
"Oh, you're not a kid... sorry," he said, his cheeks turning rosier, "Well, what's you're name then? So I don't have to call you Lady." He smiled.
I tried to smile back but I didn't want to speak. I wanted to find my mother. Now was not a time for flirting, even if he was exceptionally cute, it was a time to figure out what was going on. Flashing lights to my right looked like cautions, but they could have been police lights as well. Forcing myself to stand up I looked the boy in the eye and told him my name was Clyde. It worked for the occasion. "Hey, have you seen a woman that looks almost exactly like me only in her late thirties?"
"Erm, yeah, but the Tow-truck took her and your little Ford back to your place about half an hour ago. I talked to her, she said to keep an eye on you until you regained consciousness. She said your dad was on his way to pick you up from here."
My mom? Leave me here in the black? Freezing cold? Unconscious? No, that wasn't her. She was still here. I knew her. "She didn't make it out of that tumble did she? Did she?!?" The idea brought tears to my face, but my truck was still there. This boy must have been in the car behind us.

~TO BE CONTINUED... OR NOT... IT DEPENDS IF YOU LIKE IT....~
Last edited by icanbefixed on Sat Dec 26, 2009 5:13 am, edited 2 times in total.
The hardest mountain to climb will have the greatest view. Everything at a different angle: memories serve as double vision, a view from the valleys as well as the precipice. But everything that goes up must come down.The descent from the peak will be twice as graceful & three times as difficult




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I like how you left a cliffhanger like this. Not knowing where my mom would sure freak me out! There was a few "i's" not getting upper cased. I thought that the interaction between the boy and "Clyde" was really good. No time for flirting. :lol:
Amazing story so far. :)
Jessabelle
The past is the past, so don't bring it up.
JLJ is 4ever <3 :)

"Never give up, but there's a lot of people that would love to watch you fall and a lot of people wanting to see you succeed."




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Yo!
Just to say, that this is a very very good beginning.
Good matter of fact descriptions laced with a little humor here and there, sounds almost pro. Also the quick thinking of the dazed protagonist is great - is mother dead? Is the good looking chap lying to make her feel better? Ta-da-da-daam:)
Now, I have no idea what its like to be a teenage girl, perhaps there would really be a moment in the situation in which she would have to say to herself 'this is not the moment for flirting,' and yet, and yet this sounds super out of place. Even if this is realism, you have to dilute it with more literary conventions, because all that moment got out of me is a snicker of disbelief.
Anyway - great job. We want more! etc. :D
she got a dazed impression of a whirling chaos in which steel flashed and hacked, arms tossed, snarling faces appeared and vanished, and straining bodies collided, rebounded, locked and mingled in a devil's dance of madness.
Robert Howard




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Soooo Good. I am jealous. I'm fifteen and I can't write that good.
Yes- continue.




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thanks guys! I'll have something up soon.
The hardest mountain to climb will have the greatest view. Everything at a different angle: memories serve as double vision, a view from the valleys as well as the precipice. But everything that goes up must come down.The descent from the peak will be twice as graceful & three times as difficult




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</3icanbefixed wrote: The voice pierced my ears again. "Hey, kid," the voice said.
Hmm... male.. I thought. I opened my eyes, and turned towards the sound. He was a boy, around fifteen, with shaggy brown hair and broad shoulders.
"Oh, you're not a kid... sorry," he said, his cheeks turning rosier, "Well, what's you're name then? So I don't have to call you Lady." He smiled.
I tried to smile back but I didn't want to speak. I wanted to find my mother. Now was not a time for flirting, even if he was exceptionally cute, it was a time to figure out what was going on. Flashing lights to my right looked like cautions, but they could have been police lights as well.


is this better? bolded is where i edited it.
The hardest mountain to climb will have the greatest view. Everything at a different angle: memories serve as double vision, a view from the valleys as well as the precipice. But everything that goes up must come down.The descent from the peak will be twice as graceful & three times as difficult



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