Silence of Day Chapter 2

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Last edited by Fallenangel27 on Thu Jan 28, 2010 9:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
People look at you with many thoughts running through their head.
Trouble-maker. Bully. Jerk. Pants on the ground. But me, only 1 thought runs through my head.
Please love me <3




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Hey Angel!
Just want to remind you that you must do 3 reviews for every piece of art you post ;)

Also, you may want to check the formatting on this, it's one big paragraph, and that looks very intimidating for a potential reviewer.

I'm just going to copy/paste this, and put a big "P" in all the places where you should have a paragraph break ;)


I woke up in a purple-walled room. I was in a purple bed, every object in the room was purple. There was one object that wasn't purple, though. On the dresser, there was a black rose in a crystal vase there's no such thing as black roses. PI slipped out of the bed and walked to the rose. It was beautiful, I thought that black roses weren't real italicize this. My thought were WAS disturbed by yelling downstairs. I tiptoed out of the room, and peered down the stairs. There were two people having a intense conversation. P"I can't believe you brought her here! God, Damian! You're so stupid!" A low male voice yelled. P"You wanted to leave her there, so she could be killed? Maverick, try to see it form my eyes!" Damian told Maverick. P"You do know she'll never love you, like-" Maverick started to say but was cut off, by Damian tackling him. P I saw the door. all thoughts should be italicized Should I go? You won't make it! Just try, My inner self told me. I went for it. I ran down the stairs, and junped the two guys fighting on the ground. The one who was Damian just say Damian, looked up and saw me. His eyes widedend, as he tried to get up. I raced to the door. My worst fear came true, it was locked. P "No! You have got to be kidding me!"


This needs some editing, there are a lot of typos.
PM for questions,
Cheers,
-Lena
stay gold, ponyboy




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I think, perhaps, that you should begin at a different part of the story. I've read about a dozen romance stories that all begin with a girl being kidnapped by a man, or a group of men, and waking up like this. Often the characters have no real personalities and mirror only what the reader/writer wants to experience for themselves. Nobody pulls anything from reading these stories. I can tell from the beginning, though, that you have the potential to write a truly unique storyline, one that isn't a cookie-cutter version of something else. I wish you the best of luck. ;P
"And in forgetting, they were trying to remember."



Adventure is worthwhile.
— Aesop