My Requiem

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O prison cell, surrounding me with bars like burnished spears,
In this silent tomb the echoes of my life are all I hear.
The key was buried long ago, in the world somewhere outside,
And the petals white have ceased to fall, ever since the day I died.
I would rather feel, once more, the sunlight's warm embrace
Than have the world's great nations fall and bow before my face.
The light lies dead upon the ground, and on my marble lips
I feel nothing but the frosty touch of silver twilight's kiss.
O lifeless landscape, cold and grey as winter's icy hands,
My soul has wandered far away to walk in empty lands.
Forever my voice is silent, since I drew my final breath;
Forever to sleep on this bed of stone in the dreamless sleep of death.
You must be swift as the coursing river,
With all the force of a great typhoon,
With all the strength of a raging fire,
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.




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Wow... I just... wow... this was great! Loved it! :D I couldn't find anything wrong with it >.< I love how you rhymed it. Most people don't (myself included) It shows how hard you worked on it in order to get it to rhyme! Good work! Keep it up! :D




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The rhyming was done wonderfully. The poem was a wonderful tragic poem and it nearly brought tears to my eyes. Keep it up! :)
The source of any poem or story is inspiration. You can write a poem or a story that touches the readers' hearts only if you have an inspiration.




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Very nice! I felt real emotions when i read this, really liked it, keep up the good work!




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Hey, Warrior Princess! :D

Nice use of imagery and stuff... it's really pretty! Plus, the rhyming was fantastic. This is a really solid draft. Now, consider adding more about her previous life! As I was reading this, I kept wondering, "Who was she to have such a lovely tomb? What did she do?" So I think you can definitely add more to this poem. It would be awesome. :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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Warrior Princess wrote:I feel nothing but the frosty touch of silver twilight's kiss.

This isn't even a nitpick, just my own warped opinion. I don't like the use of silver before twilight. I understand that you want twilight to be silver and not the kiss but it looks un-aesthetically pleasing right there.
You get what I mean, right? *doesn't know what she's talking about?* :?
Besides that, fantastic job. I agree with Snoink, you can tell us a little more about her, though I thought your poem ended very nicely.
All in all, great job and keep rhyming.
xxooxx
THe universe
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
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But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane